Top ten relationship tips - what would you add?

[2JFDIYOLO]

Do not get involved with a man who tells you he is ‘separated / divorcing / still living with wife for the sake of the children but we’re really more like brother and sister / yes we’re still sharing a bed but we don't have sex.’ Make an effort to contact the wife … because this may all come as a ‘surprise’ to her.

Do not be surprised or aggrieved when the man who left his wife for you has an affair and dumps you. Don't insult the bit on the side - she's you.

Do not give up your job, income, savings, pension, home etc to become a SAHM to a man and his own children in his home - aka unpaid nanny, cook, chauffeur, cleaner, housekeeper, especially if he will not marry you. You will have zero rights.

If something looks, feels, smells, seems, sounds off - it is. Trust your instincts, and start investigating.

Do not ‘accidentally’ get pregnant in the hope that will trigger a reluctant man to marry you.

Do not move in with / marry / get pregnant with a man you barely know. Give it time for the best behaviour to wear off and the real personality to start showing.

Observe how he behaves towards his mum (and how she behaves to him), sister, young women, children, animals, waiters, other drivers etc. This is a forecast of how he will behave towards you and any children.

Do not introduce your new man into your household where you have young children. Statistically this is a big risk. No, I know NAMALT, but sadly SMALT.

Be wary of a man who does not live with his dependant children He either walked out on them all, or she got them away from him. Either is a red flag, and you will not be free of her for years.

Learn to drive, especially if you're a SAHM. Independence, self reliance and confidence.

Many will say - 'I did this and it was FINE.'

But many will say - 'I absolutely agree. Because I did this.'

Mumsnet is a place where women who've been there, done that congregate.

Some to troll, yes, but so many shellshocked, blindsided women who never thought it would happen to them yet whose worlds have imploded are here.

So many living in the most godawful situations, and sharing it with their children - yet doubting themselves and wondering is it me? Am I being unreasonable?

So many desperate to get out but feeling cornered and trapped, physically, financially and emotionally. Lacking knowledge and confidence about where to go, who to ask.

So to those who are are sneering here, saying don't listen to Mumsnetters - don't you think if girls were issued early with the info and advice they need to go in with their eyes open, and the tools to deal with ... tools, so many women and children's lives would be better?

You can always tell the men on these threads or the women that are young and haven't realised they are the same as the rest of us and will eventually be treated that way if they let it.

Yep. Regular as clockwork along come the menz scolding women for having standards.

You've only got to read the endless threads on here about shitty blokes to realise why having a high bar is essential. Too many women tolerate absolute shit just to have a man in their bed.

The sense of humour thing is so important I think. Even during some really dark times in our marriage, DH could always make me laugh. And finding someone who accepts you as you are instead of trying to mould you into what they’re looking for.

I think this goes for all interpersonal relationships and for life in general. Being able to laugh at yourself and a situation, and see the funny side of something, is an incredibly valuable trait in relationships, in friendships, in the workplace, and just for rubbing along in society in general. I imagine we all know somebody socially or professionally who just can’t make light of something, or can’t laugh at themselves or accept when they’ve done something daft because of their pride; and instead reverts to tantrums, rage, and taking their embarrassment and frustration out as anger or aggression towards others; and how destructive a person like that can be to have around you in any walk of life.

Always make sure you have an escape plan.

Friend/family to go to, account with deposit and couple of months rent, and make sure he knows.

Also make sure he knows you aren't scared of walking out that door that you love yourself the most and won't ever let him drag you down, or question yourself, or just as mrn don't change, you won't change either, which includes clothing, friends, going out, not washing up every evening, whatever it is.

If you visit his house and it's a pigsty tell him you will think about meeting up again when it's cleared up. And no he can't come to yours.

Never marry too quickly, even if they have super sexy hair.

Something someone said to be recently and it's true for relationships and friendships.

"You can't say the wrong thing to the right person"