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Original poster

Why did he send this response?

64 replies

Opinionsonthis · 17/02/2025 09:40

I am in a hobby group and there is man there who is friendly and helpful. He is also friendly and helpful to me and has given me training tips. I have very much appreciated his support. We have become quite friendly at the hobby group, and usually chat, though we can go weeks or even months without seeing each other. I've chatted to him about causes I campaign on and joked about how I am ranting on about it to him. So a casual, situational friendliness.

At the weekend I did an event he had played a small part in organising. He texted me before the event to wish me luck and said it was very muddy. After the event I sent him a photo of my mud covered shoes and lower legs (in trousers) and commented that it had indeed been muddy.
He texted back, ' You meet a woman, she seems nice, if a bit ranty, and next thing you know, she's sending you photos of her body parts'
I replied, ' That made me laugh!'
'However, I 'm a bit confused. You say 'ranty' like that's a bad thing.'
He replied, ' Calm down dear.'

Literary text criticism of this exchange is welcomed!

(I would have thought that based on knowledge of me and previous conversations it was clear I was sending myself up with my comment on being ranty, as in ' Ha ha ha, what's wrong with being ranty? ha ha' type thing. But it doesn't look like he took it like this?)

OP posts:
IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/02/2025 09:43

Calm down Dear was a phrase uttered by Michael Winner in a TV ad many years ago. It was supposed to be humorous.
Personally I found MW repulsive and creepy and the ad annoying.
You know your friend better and how their sense of humour works so I'd say its open to interpretation.

Linux20 · 17/02/2025 09:46

It’s a catch phrase he’s having a laugh because you got a bit oversensitive about him using the word ranty.

Original poster
Opinionsonthis · 17/02/2025 09:49

I wasn't being oversensitive, I was making a joke about me being ranty ( which I am!).

But if you think he was having a laugh, that makes me feel a bit better.

OP posts:
Clementine183 · 17/02/2025 09:53

I think he was clearly having a laugh! He was just responding in kind to your own tongue in cheek message.

Seaoftroubles · 17/02/2025 09:55

He was just trying to be humorous back and using an old catch phrase in reply. Nothing to be concerned about l'm sure!

bunnypenny · 17/02/2025 09:55

So you tell him you’re ranty in a joking way, he agrees you’re ranty in a joking way and you asked him why he called you ranty in a bad way?

MyUmberSeal · 17/02/2025 09:59

He was having a laugh. But actually yeah… calm down dear. Honestly… nothing to worry about.

Original poster
Opinionsonthis · 17/02/2025 09:59

bunnypenny · 17/02/2025 09:55

So you tell him you’re ranty in a joking way, he agrees you’re ranty in a joking way and you asked him why he called you ranty in a bad way?

Well, he perhaps read it in the way you seem to have, which was not the way I was intending it when I wrote it.

I was following up on his joke by being jokey about it too.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 17/02/2025 10:02

I think he was having a laugh.
You need to look at the whole context and the whole exchange.

Calling you "ranty" might have been a bit off except you say you had referred to yourself as "ranting" in earlier lighthearted exchanges so he was mirroring your humour in a way that seemed safe from causing offence.

Calm down dear seems intended in the same way/same level of mild banter. At least I would hope so!

CucumberBagel · 17/02/2025 10:02

He started to make it sexual ("body parts"). Then went to patronising ("calm down dear").

Sounds like a typical bloke to me.

bunnypenny · 17/02/2025 10:03

Opinionsonthis · 17/02/2025 09:59

Well, he perhaps read it in the way you seem to have, which was not the way I was intending it when I wrote it.

I was following up on his joke by being jokey about it too.

Show quote history

Yes I didn’t read it as you being joking at all, I read it as you being offended by him calling you ranty and his response is jokey/exasperated. It’s very difficult to read tone etc over text so I’m guessing your joke fell short of the mark, hence your confusion.

bunnypenny · 17/02/2025 10:05

CucumberBagel · 17/02/2025 10:02

He started to make it sexual ("body parts"). Then went to patronising ("calm down dear").

Sounds like a typical bloke to me.

She sent him a photo of her “body parts” unsolicited so you could argue she “made it sexual” first.

Original poster
Opinionsonthis · 17/02/2025 10:07

bunnypenny · 17/02/2025 10:05

She sent him a photo of her “body parts” unsolicited so you could argue she “made it sexual” first.

Show quote history

Oh God I need to put an end to this! It was the most non-sexual photo ever! I am confident that was the joke he was making - the joke was in the huge gap between the modern cultural phenomena of sending sexual photos of body parts, and the actual extremely non-sexual photo I took of my muddy boots and below the knee trousers!

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 17/02/2025 10:08

I was following up on his joke by being jokey about it too.

And he was being jokey about that. It's a jokey nothing, don't give it any mind.

bunnypenny · 17/02/2025 10:09

Opinionsonthis · 17/02/2025 10:07

Oh God I need to put an end to this! It was the most non-sexual photo ever! I am confident that was the joke he was making - the joke was in the huge gap between the modern cultural phenomena of sending sexual photos of body parts, and the actual extremely non-sexual photo I took of my muddy boots and below the knee trousers!

Show quote history

Don’t worry, I was just responding to the PP who tried to claim he was being sexual by mentioning the words “body parts” and was therefore a typical bloke. I don’t imagine for one minute you sent anything inappropriate!

Talipesmum · 17/02/2025 10:13

bunnypenny · 17/02/2025 10:03

Yes I didn’t read it as you being joking at all, I read it as you being offended by him calling you ranty and his response is jokey/exasperated. It’s very difficult to read tone etc over text so I’m guessing your joke fell short of the mark, hence your confusion.

Show quote history

Agree, I didn’t read your reply of ' That made me laugh!'
'However, I 'm a bit confused. You say 'ranty' like that's a bad thing.' as jokey. Sounded to me like you were laughing along at the body parts comment, but lightly pulling him up on calling you “ranty” - as in, what do you mean by that exactly? Are you saying it’s a bad thing I have opinions? (I think it’s the lack of an exclamation mark at the end of your last sentence that makes it seem less jokey).

And his response could be either a funny catchphrase - comically acting the part of a misogynist in response to you referring to yourself as ranty, or it could be genuinely a bit dismissive. Impossible to tell - I’d see if i could understand better what his actual attitude to my having an opinion and voicing it is.

ShortyShorts · 17/02/2025 10:14

'However, I 'm a bit confused. You say 'ranty' like that's a bad thing.'

This was fishing for a compliment that he wasn't prepared to give, so he matched the 'ranty' with 'calm down dear', from the old TV ad.

Did you want him to stroke your ego a bit?

Original poster
Opinionsonthis · 17/02/2025 10:16

bunnypenny · 17/02/2025 10:03

Yes I didn’t read it as you being joking at all, I read it as you being offended by him calling you ranty and his response is jokey/exasperated. It’s very difficult to read tone etc over text so I’m guessing your joke fell short of the mark, hence your confusion.

Show quote history

I'm somewhat reassured that so many people think he was just joking too, but I am worried he has taken it like this. Which, as you say, explains why I am confused as to his reply.

I thought ' you say that like its a bad thing' was a widely understood jokey phrase, so never thought it would be taken any other way. I wish I had put a laughing face emoji after it now, to avoid confusion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Opinionsonthis · 17/02/2025 10:18

ShortyShorts · 17/02/2025 10:14

'However, I 'm a bit confused. You say 'ranty' like that's a bad thing.'

This was fishing for a compliment that he wasn't prepared to give, so he matched the 'ranty' with 'calm down dear', from the old TV ad.

Did you want him to stroke your ego a bit?

Well that's a different angle!

I cannot in any way see how what I said could be taken as fishing for a compliment.

My intention was to send myself up, not compliment myself!

OP posts:
whatawonderfultime · 17/02/2025 10:28

It sounds playful but the "calm down dear" response would have given me the ick instantly.

Bramblecrumb · 17/02/2025 10:29

He's joking but I find that sort of humour grating. Weirdly it sounds exactly like my dad, who is a nightmare and I'd advise all women to steer clear of 😂

CheekySnake · 17/02/2025 10:34

He's flirting, OP. I know you said it's just friendly, but in my experience a lot of men mistake it for interested and then get snippy when they realise they've misread the situation.

pinkdelight · 17/02/2025 10:35

his response could be either a funny catchphrase - comically acting the part of a misogynist in response to you referring to yourself as ranty

this is the dominant reading for me. it's a light-hearted exchange and doesn't need lol emojis to make that clear. honestly wouldn't over-analyse.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/02/2025 10:35

It's sounding like the simple dad-type humour of somebody who is over 40. It's just not that deep.

sometimesmovingforwards · 17/02/2025 10:36

He’s just joking or maybe insinuating you’re a bit too intense and you’re ranting is a bit too much for him.
Only you and he know for sure though 👍