Why did he send this response?

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I am in a hobby group and there is man there who is friendly and helpful. He is also friendly and helpful to me and has given me training tips. I have very much appreciated his support. We have become quite friendly at the hobby group, and usually chat, though we can go weeks or even months without seeing each other. I've chatted to him about causes I campaign on and joked about how I am ranting on about it to him. So a casual, situational friendliness.

At the weekend I did an event he had played a small part in organising. He texted me before the event to wish me luck and said it was very muddy. After the event I sent him a photo of my mud covered shoes and lower legs (in trousers) and commented that it had indeed been muddy.
He texted back, ' You meet a woman, she seems nice, if a bit ranty, and next thing you know, she's sending you photos of her body parts'
I replied, ' That made me laugh!'
'However, I 'm a bit confused. You say 'ranty' like that's a bad thing.'
He replied, ' Calm down dear.'

Literary text criticism of this exchange is welcomed!

(I would have thought that based on knowledge of me and previous conversations it was clear I was sending myself up with my comment on being ranty, as in ' Ha ha ha, what's wrong with being ranty? ha ha' type thing. But it doesn't look like he took it like this?)

Sounds like he made a shit "typical man" joke about body parts. But it was the "ranty" bit you pulled him up on because it seems critical of you.
And then he patronised you for doing so with a "calm down dear".

This whole exchange would have annoyed me.

It sounds like he was being jokey too! Sometimes it doesn't come across well over text 🫤 I wouldn't worry about it.

Texting is hard as tones can be taken so wrong sometimes.

'However, I 'm a bit confused. You say 'ranty' like that's a bad thing.'

You say you were being jokey but there’s something about this line that doesn’t sound like you’re joking, it sounds like you’re upset by it. Whereas if you said it in person in a playful tone, the meaning is so different.

He probably said "calm down dear" as a joke because the conversation took a bit of an awkward turn after you called him out for calling you "ranty". I find his first message stranger, when he called you ranty and said about you sending him body parts. I just don't get what he was trying to achieve.

Calm down dear is a joke, its a line from an advert. Direct line advert, I think. Or some insurance company. He's just carrying on the joke.

Yes, in my head I was imagining myself smiling broadly when I said it, as I would of if I were saying it in real life. Maybe it has just come across as a bit sharp edged in text?

But I really did think 'you say that like its a bad thing' was a standard jokey phrase that would be understood! Does no-one else say this?!

Totally agree. I read this like you meant it in a serious way, not as a joke. Then he's saying "calm down it was just a joke".

It would have been jokey-er if you’d led with it. But repeating the word ranty makes its meaning more ambiguous to me.

If you’d replied a straight “you say that like it’s a bad thing 😆” that would have been clearly lighthearted. But as it reads above it seems more “what do you mean, I’m ranty?!” which I think explains his response

Right, I think I'm going to send him a quick text just to clarify I was making a joke rather than having a dig. I don't want there to be any awkwardness when I see him again. He's a nice person who has genuinely been very helpful and asked for nothing back so I don't want him to think I was having a dig.

I’d be really put off by ‘calm down dear’. He was obviously just joking but it sort of outs him as a bit of a sexist dinosaur.

IMO he mentioned you being a 'bit ranty' for a reason. It would work as a joke if you have previously used the word between you, but if not, sounds more like a veiled criticism to me. Why say it at all given the context?

Then you sound defensive in responding by saying what you did about 'ranty'. I can see why his "calm down dear" would feel off, notwithstanding it's a well known catch phrase. It still sounds like he's riled you are annoyed / getting back at you.

May all amount to nothing though than an attempt at a bit of banter. It's so much harder over text when you don't have body language and tone of voice to make things clearer.

I wouldn’t send a specifically clarifying explanation if you’re trying to emphasise you were joking - I’d carry on the response with something jokey like “so calm now I forgot to clean off my boots, argh it’s all welded on now! What are you up to later?” Or something like that.

Oh god don’t do that! If anything he’s the one who should be back tracking with his comment!

Just send a laughing emoji and leave it!

You really don't need to do this. It's all jokey. You're making too much of a deal of it showing you've been stressing over it. It's just a light text exchange.

Exactly! A lol emoji on his comment at most.

I think it reads as a nice bit of light hearted banter from both of you. I wouldn't apologise or feel the need to say anything.

He joked about your picture and called you ranty (which you said was in friendly jest too), you joked about him calling you ranty and he came back with a commonly used 'calm down dear' which I'd assume was a joke given the general back and forth between you.

And re the phrase “you say that like it’s a bad thing” - yes of course it’s often used in an arch, funny way. But also it’s something I might say when lightly pulling someone up for casual sexism eg a bloke complaining he had to look after his children all day because his wife was away with work, or someone mentioning in a critical way that their child’s new y3 teacher is a man, implying they think it’s a weird for a man to be a teacher etc.

None of these examples are to do with your comment exactly, but just saying how the phrase is also used to throw light on a prejudice that actually needs pointing out, but doing it in a light way to stop someone getting too defensive.

'However, I 'm a bit confused. You say 'ranty' like that's a bad thing
that's not a joke however many times you claim it is, that's you pulling him up.
Let it go ffs

Dear Lord!

And to avoid doubt, that actually is me pulling you up.

Think because 'However, I 'm a bit confused. You say 'ranty' like that's a bad thing' was preceeded by 'that made me laugh' it is clear you are still being lighthearted and that would make me think his 'calm down dear' was also meant as a joke.

A laugh emoji or no reply are fine, don't over think it

It doesn't matter if 'Calm down, dear' was said in an ad, it's still a patronising and misogynistic phrase used to shut women up. This man called the OP 'ranty' and then shut her down with his 'jokey' (but not a joke) phrase.

I get the impression he'd like you to be grateful for his help, but smile and say nothing. His introduction of 'body parts' into the conversatiin is off too. I'd be distancing myself slightly, not winding myself up composing texts to smooth things over.

Sure but in OP, she says over and over how friendly and helpful this guy is and how their jokiness is well established and her ranty nature is a jokey thing she's introduced. With all that context and as she knows the guy, I wouldn't be going for a feminist reading here and distancing. Honestly not sure what the big deal is.

I think that's my take a bit.

I had to read the OP's text a few times to realise it was a joke. An emoji would have eliminated that confusion. And I'm fully familiar with "Calm down dear" but it's still a patronising thing to say. Remember when Cameron used it in Parliament thinking he was being witty - he wasn't.

Don't send anymore messages other than a laughing emoji. Leave this exchange for now. However, why are you overthinking it this much? Do you like him as more than a friend or do you think he likes you that way? There's some tension here that suggests one of you sees the other as more than a friend.

This.

I’ve noticed that jokey banter often doesn’t work in writing, though.