Want to divorce my husband but no friends or family

[Deedr]

I have been in a loveless marriage for 26 long years. Over the years my husband has turned my 24 year old sons against me. They both talk disrespectfully to me and dismiss everything I say. We now have my so sons girlfriend living with us and all three gang up on me.
my house is so messy with all three of them doing nothing. Whenever I ask for help I am told I’m overreacting and my husband will openly disagree with me in front of them which only makes it worse.

Sounds soul destroying.
How old are you and do you currently work?
It's never to late to leave and find peace.

Gosh this doesn’t sound like a respectful relationship.
26 years of your life to a man who seem to not respect you.
maybe you should talk it out and explain that you are considering leaving if nothing changes. If he still doesn’t listen and respect your feeling I think you have your answer.
x

But you know what why are you in that relationship when there is no love? I think you know what you need to do, but your scared and that’s okay 26 yrs is a very long time and change might sound impossible but you can do it

I am 58 and work full time

Then I say leave.
I fully understand all the reasons that's hard, but I would say it's now or never whilst you are still working full time, and never could be another 26 years.
Do you own your house or rent?

How did the sons gf move in, did your husband allow it without checking with you. Does she pay towards bills and food, do your sons pay towards bills? Do you have enough money to walk out and leave them to it.

What is stopping you leaving?

I divorced when I was 54 . Like you alone , no support. I was frightened too. I worked as a way of keeping sane and found some form of social life I.e. being around people . I was very lonely but I learned to go out by myself. Even the odd evening to see a band. Somehow I got used to it and as years went by I stopped feeling lonely and enjoy living by myself . I'm old now but I'm glad I did it because I was so unhappy and my husband blamed me for not trying ! So it wasn't going to change . Making the decision took me 3/ 4 years . Best wishes to you

Life's too short. It sounds like they are bullying you.
File for divorce and half the marital assets. You,re working full time now, but if you were a SAHM at any point, or were part time, your pension would have taken a hit. His pension is part of the joint assets, as is yours.
It doesn't sound as if anything is likely to improve, so you may as well move on with your life and have a chance of happiness.

Firstly I'd tell the girlfriend to move out if she's going to behave like that towards you. Who does she think she is?!

Then I'd look for somewhere to live and file for a divorce.

Leave and get a cat. Much better company!

Is there anyone in your life that you can ask for support? Could you stay with a friend or family for a little while? Then plan a future without your toxic family. If you own your home, would selling it give you any capital to buy your own home?

It's not fair to be treated so terribly by your family and an extra. Be free from them and enjoy the rest of your life

Unfortunately we do not own our own home as my husband was never interested in that and I could not afford a mortgage on my own. I have one good friend but we don’t often see each other but we send messages often. I have my best friend fur boy and I love doing everything with him.

Thank you for the encouragement. I know I can do it but I suppose I am afraid of starting again. I don’t mean meeting anyone as I’m not interested in that at all just being completely alone I guess

Get yourself registered on the local council bidding site - ok so you may be very low down the priority list but also you may not.

Google some local 1 bed rentals. View some.

Find yourself somewhere else to go and move out. Take your name off the existing tenancy. Close any utility accounts solely in your name.

You won’t be completely alone OP. You will have have more time and energy to meet more people and do new things . You can rest and enjoy a bit of peace too.

I’m so sorry. I don’t think you can undo this dynamic without doing something drastic. I would fuck off and create a new peaceful life for myself.

OP, just look after yourself and the rest can sort themselves out - no washing , cooking cleaning for any of them. I'd also be telling sons gf to move out as well. I would not tolerate that disrespect in my home. If they want to live like pigs, they can do it somewhere else.

I have told her to go but my son and husband stick up for her. My house smelled like a hostel when I came home from work this weekend. It’s very embarrassing to even speak about it so I have spent the whole weekend cleaning top to bottom. I am making plans for both myself and my furry friend to get out of this. Sadly it’s gone too far for myself and my son now as he’s had his father treating me bad and triangulating the situation from the day he was born.

Stop the cleaning and do things that get you out of this situation. Can you take on extra work to get you out of the home even more and stack up some money?

I'd stop paying my share of the bills if that's the case and I'd message her parents and tell them they need to tell their daughter to come back home and explain her behaviour. Fuck that.

This.

I'm sure that you could get a few shifts in a pub in the evenings - or fast food outlet, you may even get a free meal whilst on shift.

If they treat you so badly why should you be their unpaid housekeeper? I would go further & find a good cheap cafe to eat your evening meal in before you go home. Let them do their own shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. Just turn a blind eye (and nose!) to the mess.

I am currently looking at renting private properties (very expensive) but I think if I continue something will turn up. I can do maybe some weekend work but not in the evenings weekdays as I wouldn’t be able to function at work and my job requires lots of detailed concentration

Do you have enough savings for a deposit?
Once you're living by yourself, all of your money will be your own so work out a weekly/ monthly budget for that. Do you need to stay in that area or could you look further afield for cheaper housing?

This situation sounds horrendous and the longer you stay the harder it will get - go and live your life without these scroungers pulling you down 💛

Get yourself a savings pot, and very quietly look for another place. Move out when no one is home, and file for divorce with a solicitor's help. You will have a lot more free time when you aren't cleaning up after people who don't love or appreciate you. That free time can be used to find friends and enjoy yourself.