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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP and moods - have I done something wrong?

48 replies

Ryderrer · 15/02/2025 15:02

I planned a small birthday get to together for my partner - just a few friends and his family. He gets on well with his family and spends a lot of time with them.

he found out I had planned this meal and said it was “stupid”, saying “only girls go for meals”, “it’s gonna be so awkward” etc.

he’s now sat in silence all day, I asked him yesterday if he wanted me to cancel it but he said no.

these are people he sees weekly - we’ve gone for meals with them loads of times it’s not out of the blue.

his mum has just commented on how rude he’s being to me.

he said he’s “annoyed that you’re annoyed with me, it doesn’t have to be a big happy day”

hes Very rarely like this but I feel stuck. Nothing I say is good enough - if I’m quiet I’m moody, if I speak im making it a different type of day.

ugh feel like shit. What can I do?

OP posts:

username299 · 15/02/2025 15:04

Cancel the meal and go out.

perfectcolourfound · 15/02/2025 15:05

His behaviour is weird, immature, rude, ungrateful.

Is this completely out of character of him? Or is he regularly rude / immature / critical of you?

If it's the latter, then please leave him.

If it's the former, then something has changed and he owed you an apology and an explanation. I wouldn't go for a meal to celebrate the birthday of someone who's treating me so badly.

ohyesido · 15/02/2025 15:05

Ask him what is really bothering him.

You have done a nice thing and he is clearly upset about something that he wants you to notice.

He's being childish but maybe we all have our childish moments

Theunamedcat · 15/02/2025 15:08

username299 · 15/02/2025 15:04

Cancel the meal and go out.

Honestly do this his behaviour is so poor people have noticed and are commenting on it that should be enough really just quietly cancel it and leave no drama

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/02/2025 15:14

And you are with this man child because...

I would leave him to it, let him sit in silence. Do not try and jolly him out of his mood. The responsibility for his mood is his and his alone. You are not some rehab centre for such a poorly raised man.

I would also consider if you want to remain with him going forward.

Chillibeds · 15/02/2025 15:16

You can dump his ass.
Why are you tolerating such ignorance?

Is this the life and future you want?

Think long and hard about it because life with moody, bad tempered men is utterly miserable and is not something to ever inflict on children.

One standard for you and another for him.
Get out of there.

Checkhov · 15/02/2025 15:21

Get rid of the idiot, go out and have good times with your friends and family. What do you hope to gain from being in a relationship with this person?

user2848502016 · 15/02/2025 15:25

You've done nothing wrong but some people just don't like celebrating their birthday or being the centre of attention.

I would cancel the meal tbh, if he can't tell you what the problem is without being rude then he doesn't deserve it

blacksax · 15/02/2025 15:26

"What can I do?"

Dump the ungrateful fucker, that's what. At the very least I'd read him the riot act and tell him to either buck his ideas up and be nice to me, or the event is off.

Original poster

Ryderrer · 15/02/2025 15:41

I do get people don’t like birthdays. It’s a “special” birthday so I wanted to mark it for him - it’s a very small gathering. I also bought him a computer he wanted a few weeks ago which he was grateful for.

i just don’t get the mood. I have said let’s cancel it, and he’s said I am taking it the wrong way and this is how he wants to spend his day - just “relaxing” not having to talk to me? He’s never been like this before, not to this extent.

OP posts:

speakball · 15/02/2025 16:00

I get the feeling that all of this was just an excuse to call you stupid. Why? Because you don’t call people stupid unless you feel contempt for them. Everything else is a distraction. Has anyone who cared for you when you were a child modelled tolerating abuse, and also modelled ignoring shocking behaviour? Has anyone taught you that you can only be a good person if angry people are always more important than you?

speakball · 15/02/2025 16:02

“Not to this extent”

In what way has he been like this before? (It’s not normal to ever be like that)

JudgeBread · 15/02/2025 16:05

That depends. Is your partner a 7 year old boy? "Only girls do X" is very playground.

I think dumping him and seeking an adult to have a relationship with would probably be the sanest course of action.

Alalalala · 15/02/2025 16:10

His behaviour is totally unacceptable. Either cancel or he can go alone. You need to rethink this shit. How he’s treating you is toxic OP.

AgnesX · 15/02/2025 16:11

He sounds like a bit of a sulky child. What birthday is it? 30/40 and he's feeling twitchy?(which is no excuse for behaving like a brat).

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 15/02/2025 16:13

I'd say the only thing you've done wrong is not calling him out immediately on how much of a twat he's being, and telling him he snaps out of it or you leave.

Original poster

Ryderrer · 15/02/2025 17:45

At the meal and he’s the life and soul of the party. Before he said he felt sick so that’s why he was quiet. Obviously not that sick. Wish I hadn’t come

OP posts:

Original poster

Ryderrer · 15/02/2025 21:16

Back to ignoring me when we’re home. No idea what I’ve done. He’s going to the pub with his brother but I’ve said I’m staying in

OP posts:

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 15/02/2025 21:55

Try not to fathom out what sully chops is in a strop about.
If no children involved start to question why the fuck you should put up with this behaviour and why you're with him.
Only girls go for meals.. what a stupid comment .

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 15/02/2025 21:56

Sulky chops..not sully.

BilboBlaggin · 15/02/2025 22:05

How long have you been with this prince OP? How would you normally celebrate birthdays?

Original poster

Ryderrer · 15/02/2025 22:08

BilboBlaggin · 15/02/2025 22:05

How long have you been with this prince OP? How would you normally celebrate birthdays?

just over a year. Last birthday we just had a meal as both of us. But this year he’s been saying he needs to do more things with friends so wanted to plan something nice for him.

OP posts:

Chillibeds · 15/02/2025 22:13

Well this is your life obviously if you think this is acceptable.

One year in ?.....unbelievable.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk you desperately need to develop self worth.

Have you moved in with this twat?
He clearly has zero regard or respect for you to think he can treat you like this.

If you have an ounce of sense you will pack a bag and leave.
Accept this and you have a miserable future ahead of you.

Chillibeds · 15/02/2025 22:15

Find a therapist asap to find out why you are tolerating such treatment.

TagSplashMaverick · 15/02/2025 22:41

Ryderrer · 15/02/2025 22:08

just over a year. Last birthday we just had a meal as both of us. But this year he’s been saying he needs to do more things with friends so wanted to plan something nice for him.

Show quote history

Take the computer back and leave this horrible shit of a man. Honestly, who the fuck does he think he is?

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