How do I handle asking angry DH for time apart?

[Shouldhavedonesomethingbefore]

He's just blown up at another small thing.

Oldest DC was there and called him out. I need to do something - I'd like to ask him to stay somewhere else for a bit - but how do I handle it? (I'm going to try and find a solicitor for legal advice tomorrow).

I'm not concerned he'd be violent. But I do think he'll resist, probably question why he should leave the house - we own it together.

What should I do?

You don't. You just do it.

What's your current financial and living situation?

Is the house rented or owned by you?

Married. Both on mortgage. He could stay with a friend - just not sure how I handle it if he refuses.

Why should he leave?

Why can't you?

If the house is a shared asset, you've both got equal claim to it.

Do you have somewhere to go? A sister or parent?

He doesn’t have to leave his home. You can start divorce proceedings or move out yourself.

@Ankhmo I don't want to leave the DCs with an angry man. And he's the one who's difficult to live with. Why should I go?

The reality is why should he.
So you need to make a plan.

You've said he's not violent so may not meet the threshold for an occupation order and you would need to initiate the break up for that.

So to get it done, because you do need to safeguard your children and do something, where can you go?

My parents had a bad patch when my father was generally irritable and seemed to lose his temper over the slightest thing.

It turned out that he was suffering from hypertension. Treatment calmed him down.

His anger isn't normal. His moods are intimidating - to all of us. I'm not prepared to leave DCs to handle it.

I'm not saying you're wrong that there's nothing I can do save go myself. Just seems really unfair.

OK. It's not fair.
What are you going to do?

Emotional abuse is a thing .. because he hasn’t punched op doesn’t make him abusive

I think people underestimate how hard it is to leave.

you do need a plan B though Op . Going to a solicitor is a good step .

Maybe tell him you think you should have a few days apart so things are calmer for the children, and say it makes sense for you to stay with them and him to go stay elsewhere?

Ignore the keyboard warriors, it's obvious he should go. Probably the same people who say 'she should have left him sooner'. There will be concrete reasons why he should and I'm not sure if it's useful to list them (certainly ignore the people on here) as I suspect logic isn't going to win him over. However, if it feels useful to you then have them listed so that you are ready to explain if that's what you want to do. But really it's a question of what your actions are going to be. If he agrees then all well and good. If not then do you want a separation anyway? Perhaps that would be a dealbreaker and you would then know you want to move to divorce proceedings rather than take some time and space to consider. If he does refuse to go could you repurpose a room so that he could sleep in a separate room? Or if he refuses to do this, that you could use as a bedroom?

Firstly, he is the one being aggressive.

Secondly, it is the DC's home too, and the OP can hardly move out on her own and leave the DC with an angry, aggressive man, can she?

It absolutely is unfair OP.

But just assuming the man will leave is a folly.
If he's aggressive, abusive and unreasonable at the best of times, why on earth would anyone expect him to suddenly find decency and leave of his own free will? It bonkers.

So ask.. sure, he might..

But if he says fuck you.

Now what?
Stay with the kids and hope the unreasonable agrressor becomes reasonable and swaps rooms and makes adjustments for you?
Or do you leave with kids?

Prepare yourself, hope he is reasonable, but don't bet on it.. don't rely on it . Never rely on those doing the wrong thing to suddenly decide to do the right thing just because you asked..

Good luck

You can’t make him - and it’s a bit unfair to attempt to make him move out when you are the one who wants space.

Maybe he SHOULD. But she CANNOT force him out.

I don’t know why you’re getting such twatty replies. Ideally he should be the one to go when he’s being abusive. Do you feel able to phone women’s aid for some advice? They’re not just for physical violence.

This is like reading myself writing about my ex husband. No actual violence but extremely volatile, aggressive and angry and lots of throwing things, breaking things, punching the wall/door/cabinet etc. Final straw for me was an argument that ended in him throwing something at me whilst I was holding our 3 year old son. I told him to get out of the house. I was terrified that he’d refuse as, same as you, we were married and joint mortgage etc. Thankfully he went at stayed at his parents’ without too much fuss. That was the last time he stayed at our marital home. We separated, sold the house, I bought a house on my own and we are now divorced. I’ve never been happier.
If there has been unreasonable behaviour like the above then you are within your rights to ask him to leave but as others have said he could refuse.
I hope you find a way to get through this

Lawyer up and find out your options. You haven't gone into specifics here but do so with lawyer.

How reasonable is he once he calms down and is out of an angry mood?

My gut reaction is just to get the children out of that situation. Take a few days away with them to a friends / relatives (there must be someone?!) or book some cheap accommodation and make a few days of it.

Once he's calmed down you can negotiate the house situation, if he is reasonable once calmed down. If he isn't... then no idea. Sorry for you.

Of course the angry, unreasonable man SHOULD be the one to leave but if he refuses you can't make him. You both are on the mortgage and the property is jointly owned. By all means ask. However, if he's unreasonable, angry etc a lot of the time, it's unlikely he's suddenly going to turn into Mr Reasonable and go along with what you want. So, what are you planning for the back-up plan? I would definitely seek legal advice, regardless of your plans.

Are you not reading the same thread, the husband has the explosive temper. I don’t think by the sounds of it the op can make him do anything. Hes abusive. It’s quite obvious she is walking on egg shells here