@EvolvedAlready I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time and that your family have come in to cause upset over easter. I agree with the others who have said block if and where you can. But I also wanted to say something about boundaries. The key thing is that they're not for other people, they're for you. We've got no control over what other people do, unfortunately. It's a hard thing to accept. You cannot stop your mother from dropping off gifts for your children no matter how much you want to. But what you can do is put a rule in for yourself that you don't respond if she does. The problem with responding is that you're then sitting on pins waiting to see if they reply. Constant tension, adrenaline pumping, trapped in fight or flight, and it can go on for days, weeks even. This isn't good for us. The power comes when you make the decision not to get involved. Just do nothing. The NC rule is for you - the only person you need to respect it is you. x.
@Spendysis I found out that my estranged parent had died because I used to google their name every few months. If it's important, there are ways to find out without being told (no-one reached out to tell me - I suspect if I hadn't looked for myself, no-one would have).
@Twatalert I feel like that in the lead up to visits. A week of pain flare ups and illness beforehand, and a week exhausted and broken hearted afterwards. It sucks.
I had a bit of a meltdown over the weekend for some reason (it seemed to have been brought about by my brain chewing through some childhood stuff, and realised that there's a lot of stuff in my relationship with my mother about what happened in my late teens and the time post the divorce). The marriage broke down b/c she met someone else and she went straight from one relationship to the other. I couldn't stop remembering how bloody smug she was, how pleased with herself, and that my role was (I realise now) support human. I was late teens, crippled with social anxiety, had spent years being told I was unattractive, was convinced I would never have a boyfriend, and my mother was buying miniskirts, high heels and tarty underwear and it's clear to me now that on some level she got pleasure out of feeling that men were more interested in her than in me. She liked that I was awkward and shy. I feel like I'm not explaining this very well. (In hindsight I've come to realise that attention from men is very very important to her). She was just so cruel to me. I can see that now.