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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why do I feel nothing?

39 replies

WonderEwe25 · 11/02/2025 07:42

I’ve recently started talking to someone new. This has been going on for about 2 weeks now. Due my job I’m currently away from home and won’t be back until April time so will not meet this person until then.

He’s a really lovely guys, attractive and compliments me daily but I feel absolutely nothing for him and I don’t know why!

He is 7 months out of a serious relationship which included engagement and 3 children due to the mother cheating on him. He still regularly sees the kids and has them stay over. I think I am slightly put off by the number of kids as I’m quite young (28) and he’s 35.

He also has this habit of telling me constantly that he’s only talking to me, he doesn’t want to rush anything, he’s willing to be supportive and push me where necessary but he constantly tells me how much of a nice guy he is, how caring and how much love he has to give. I don’t know if this is what is putting me off?

He also has absolutely 0 knowledge about my career so whenever I explain a story to him I have to explain the background of the story and give the baseline knowledge before I can even give the story and it’s fucking exhausting everytime.

I don’t get a buzz of excitement when he texts me, if anything I get abit of slight annoyance. I just don’t understand what is wrong with me?!

Does anyone have any advice as currently I’m doing the best I can to not even open my WhatsApp this morning so he can’t see I’m online…..

OP posts:
Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 07:56

Op you haven’t actually met him in real life have you?

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 07:56

This is just strangers messaging op

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 07:57

For a mere fortnight!

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 07:58

Does anyone have any advice as currently I’m doing the best I can to not even open my WhatsApp this morning so he can’t see I’m online…..

how old are you op?

Original poster
WonderEwe25 · 11/02/2025 08:02

To answer the questions that are in the OP. No we haven’t met as I’m away with work and won’t meet until April.

I’m 28.

I’m asking for advice and whether it’s something wrong with me and that I don’t feel anything or that he is laying it on too thick and it’s scaring me away.

OP posts:
YesIReallyDidOK · 11/02/2025 08:03

You've never met this person and you haven't been messaging him for a long time, so you don't know he is 'great', you only know what he is telling you. People who are actually nice and caring don't constantly tell other people how nice and caring they are. Just something to mull over.

In any case you're already dreading hearing from him so I'd knock it on the head now. You don't have to keep seeing him just because he keeps telling you how great he is.

healthybychristmas · 11/02/2025 08:03

If I was single without children and 28 there is no way I would be looking anywhere near a man in his mid 30s who had three children and a cheating wife.

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 08:04

You’ve been messaging someone for two weeks
Never met them

correct?

advice - stop navel gazing about this as it’s meaningless messaging that doesn’t get you “excited”

LillyPJ · 11/02/2025 08:05

He's obviously not right for you, whether he's a nice guy or not. Move on and stop torturing yourself!

Waterboatlass · 11/02/2025 08:05

Dear OP, I'm not clear whether you've met in person but you've explained to us in plain English why this man isn't the right match for you. Your emotional responses are well, responding accordingly. Please read your OP back, feel validated and move on.

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 08:06

healthybychristmas · 11/02/2025 08:03

If I was single without children and 28 there is no way I would be looking anywhere near a man in his mid 30s who had three children and a cheating wife.

This
with bells on

come on op… have some self respect

JudgeBread · 11/02/2025 08:07

In my experience any guy who has to tell you over and over what a nice guy he is, is absolutely not a nice guy.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 11/02/2025 08:10

He’s not the only guy in the world op if you feel nothing then why are you bothering? Meet someone else

adcde123 · 11/02/2025 08:10

There is nothing wrong with you. I suspect your intuition is nudging you that this is not the guy for you. It's likely to be that simple. You don't have to keep messaging just because there's no obvious reason not to(if that makes sense).
Save you free time for someone that you look forward to messaging.

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 08:12

Save you free time for someone that you look forward to messaging.

better yet…. Someone you look forward to seeing in person

DroppedOff · 11/02/2025 08:13

What does he mean by ‘push you where necessary?’ Who does he think he is?!

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 08:17

He also has absolutely 0 knowledge about my career so whenever I explain a story to him I have to explain the background of the story and give the baseline knowledge before I can even give the story and it’s fucking exhausting everytime.

I don’t imagine very riveting for him either

ChristmasFluff · 11/02/2025 08:17

You'd be wise to wonder why anyone would be so committed to someone they haven't met. I'd judge them to be looking for someone/anyone to fill the girlfriend-shaped hole in their life and wouldn't bother meeting them.

It's nonsensical to have huge hopes and expectations of someone you've never met, but if he's irritating you by text, why bother to meet up?

TwistedWonder · 11/02/2025 08:17

You’ve been messaging for 2 weeks, not met yet and you’re not feeling it.

Stop wasting both of your time, tell him thanks but no thanks and move on

LaundryPond · 11/02/2025 08:17

So you’re wondering why you don’t have any feelings for a man you’ve never met and who sounds like a bit of an idiot, and far from an obvious ‘catch’?

Come on, OP, can’t you see how ridiculous this is?

LavenderBlue19 · 11/02/2025 08:20

You don't have to talk to him. You don't even know him. Just say 'Sorry this isn't working for me', and block. You don't owe him anything.

Poisonwood · 11/02/2025 08:23

Seriously - any man who insists he is a nice man, in my experience really isn’t.
Relationships are hard, try to minimise having things that make them even harder right from the start.
You don’t have to settle!!

MissDeborah · 11/02/2025 08:24

WonderEwe25 · 11/02/2025 08:02

To answer the questions that are in the OP. No we haven’t met as I’m away with work and won’t meet until April.

I’m 28.

I’m asking for advice and whether it’s something wrong with me and that I don’t feel anything or that he is laying it on too thick and it’s scaring me away.

Listen to your gut feeling-trust yourself

" laying it on thick"
This is him lovebombing you

He's pushing you into a relationship rather than allowing you to decide how you feel about him.
Ugh cheating wife chinny reckon and 3 kids and he's chatting up younger women
---run as fast as you can!

gannett · 11/02/2025 08:29

The biggest problem here is that the OP needs to ask an internet messageboard why she doesn't feel anything about a random guy she's been talking to online for a fortnight. You're not attracted to him, you don't like him and you're avoiding him online already. What is the issue here? Just move on from him.

Lmnop22 · 11/02/2025 08:30

Isn’t it just as simple as you don’t fancy him? Or am I missing something?