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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why do I feel nothing?

39 replies

WonderEwe25 · 11/02/2025 07:42

I’ve recently started talking to someone new. This has been going on for about 2 weeks now. Due my job I’m currently away from home and won’t be back until April time so will not meet this person until then.

He’s a really lovely guys, attractive and compliments me daily but I feel absolutely nothing for him and I don’t know why!

He is 7 months out of a serious relationship which included engagement and 3 children due to the mother cheating on him. He still regularly sees the kids and has them stay over. I think I am slightly put off by the number of kids as I’m quite young (28) and he’s 35.

He also has this habit of telling me constantly that he’s only talking to me, he doesn’t want to rush anything, he’s willing to be supportive and push me where necessary but he constantly tells me how much of a nice guy he is, how caring and how much love he has to give. I don’t know if this is what is putting me off?

He also has absolutely 0 knowledge about my career so whenever I explain a story to him I have to explain the background of the story and give the baseline knowledge before I can even give the story and it’s fucking exhausting everytime.

I don’t get a buzz of excitement when he texts me, if anything I get abit of slight annoyance. I just don’t understand what is wrong with me?!

Does anyone have any advice as currently I’m doing the best I can to not even open my WhatsApp this morning so he can’t see I’m online…..

OP posts:

LaundryPond · 11/02/2025 08:30

gannett · 11/02/2025 08:29

The biggest problem here is that the OP needs to ask an internet messageboard why she doesn't feel anything about a random guy she's been talking to online for a fortnight. You're not attracted to him, you don't like him and you're avoiding him online already. What is the issue here? Just move on from him.

Exactly!

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 08:30

gannett · 11/02/2025 08:29

Agreed.

This is an OP with chronically poor self respect and confidence

TwistedWonder · 11/02/2025 08:31

gannett · 11/02/2025 08:29

100% - people jumping to conclusions about him isn’t relevant.

She’s not feeling it with a man she’s never met - it’s a waste of both their time. Just end the chat and forget him. It’s not a difficult one

Alalalala · 11/02/2025 08:33

Of course there’s nothing wrong with you! You’re not interested in him so end the connection (such as it is!) and don’t feel bad!

Loads of kids, fresh out of a serious relationship, doesn’t understand what you do, is pushy - nope!

Toucan123 · 11/02/2025 08:33

This is ridiculous OP. You don't even know thus person, you've never even met him, so why should you be "excited" about hearing from him? Why are you going to see him in April? What's the point? Just stop messaging him (tell him you're not a good match first if you like), stop wasting time on this and move on.

Waterboatlass · 11/02/2025 08:34

Oh and I'm in my 30s without kids. I would absolutely not date this man. Not saying he's a bad person. I'm sure he isn't. But you can do better than 'wouldn't rob or swindle me'. The family situation is too complex and time consuming for someone much younger without their own children. He isn't really in a position to date new people if it's not settled and he's still talking at length about being cheated on this early. His assurances are strange. I'm not sure whether you work in a very specialist field, are a bad explainer and go into extraneous detail or he doesn't listen/ can't surmise/ isn't on a wavelength but the work point sounds tedious all round.

Viviennemary · 11/02/2025 08:36

WonderEwe25 · 11/02/2025 08:02

To answer the questions that are in the OP. No we haven’t met as I’m away with work and won’t meet until April.

I’m 28.

I’m asking for advice and whether it’s something wrong with me and that I don’t feel anything or that he is laying it on too thick and it’s scaring me away.

There's nothing wrong with you. But you are just not attracted to him. Either drop him and make an excuse like you've met somebody. Or arrange to meet him to see what he's like.

MollyButton · 11/02/2025 08:39

Just throw back. He's not doing it for you even by messages. And now you're dreading them.
You don't owe this stranger anything.

And a few red flags: only split up 6 months
Has kids
Ex "cheated" on him
Tells you how nice he is (instant ick from me)

And your intuition is saying No.

LostittoBostik · 11/02/2025 08:40

Do not get involved. You are so young. 3 kids means he won't be free to give his time to you. Don't take on that amount of baggage and responsibility. Find someone you can have fun with first.

mihinobis · 11/02/2025 08:41

but he constantly tells me how much of a nice guy he is

In my experience, any man who told me what a nice guy he was turned out not to be nice at all.
If they really are nice they don't need to tell you.

LostittoBostik · 11/02/2025 08:41

ChristmasFluff · 11/02/2025 08:17

You'd be wise to wonder why anyone would be so committed to someone they haven't met. I'd judge them to be looking for someone/anyone to fill the girlfriend-shaped hole in their life and wouldn't bother meeting them.

It's nonsensical to have huge hopes and expectations of someone you've never met, but if he's irritating you by text, why bother to meet up?

Yes, this...

MikeRafone · 11/02/2025 08:43

It’s pretty obvious he is a non starter

MostlyHappyMummy · 11/02/2025 09:06

Are you able to speak to anyone in real life to ask for support to help you build up your self confidence? And to help you see that messaging this man is ridiculous.

You may not be able to see it but you have significant issues with boundaries and may well have been in abusive relationships already. Or maybe raised in a home where there was abuse.

Everyone else can see that this man is basically bullying you into taking the role of nanny for his kids. There must be a reason why you can't see that

Spottyshirt · 13/02/2025 08:47

Why do you feel “nothing”?

ill tell you why.

You have never met this person
Meeting up isn’t even on the cards until April
and you’ve been messaging for a poxy fortnight

That is why you feel nothing

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