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Original poster

Bf decided out of blue he doesn’t want more kids

72 replies

Mumof427 · 10/02/2025 23:09

Hi
I’m just looking for advice really , my bf and I have been together for 9 years this year , we have a 3 year old son (soon to be 4) together (his first ) and I have 3 older children from a previous relationship.
im older than my bf , he’s 29 this year and I’m 40 soon . The issue is he’s dropped a bombshell that he doesn’t ever want more kids . Now this would be fine if he hadn’t spent every year since our son had been born telling me he did . He bought me ovulation kits the whole thing and it finally happened we became pregnant in late September last year . The pregnancy ended only ten days after we found out , both of us were devastated but he had a hard time accepting it .
now he’s shut down and is saying he wants no more , which I find hard to accept as this may be my only chance again due to my age
if he changes his mind in a few years it will be too late for me and I don’t know what to do
and advice appreciated

OP posts:
MinnieBalloon · 11/02/2025 10:58

You’re being selfish. You aren’t thinking of your current 4 children, you’re just thinking of yourself.

There’s already one broken home here, why do you want to do that to your fourth child too?

MySparklyGreyScroller · 11/02/2025 11:19

Glorybox2025 · 11/02/2025 10:58

Ew that's a bit Sam Taylor-Johnson of her. Glad she waited until he was 28 to procreate with him at least!

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Well not really considering she has an ‘almost’ 4yo with him, so he was potentially 23 when he first got her pregnant, and that’s not considering she may have been trying with him a while before then. I wonder how much older he is than her eldest children

LucyMonth · 11/02/2025 11:38

Oh never mind. A 32 year old mother of 3 got into a relationship with a 19 year old. What on Earth were you thinking?

FrenchandSaunders · 11/02/2025 11:46

He took on your 3 kids when he was only 19/20 ... that's very young OP and a lot of responsibility for a lad that age. I'd be happy with the kids you've got tbh.

FrenchandSaunders · 11/02/2025 11:46

How's your relationship with his parents?

everychildmatters · 11/02/2025 11:57

@SheridansPortSalut Becuase he has said he definitely doesn't want any more children? Or does he mean just not with his current partner?

LazyArsedMagician · 11/02/2025 12:30

You have four children already.

Make your peace with this. He doesn't want to go through any losses.

pinkyredrose · 11/02/2025 12:34

Isn't 4 kids enough?

Lucy20333 · 11/02/2025 13:42

MinnieBalloon · 11/02/2025 10:58

You’re being selfish. You aren’t thinking of your current 4 children, you’re just thinking of yourself.

There’s already one broken home here, why do you want to do that to your fourth child too?

Bit harsh. What makes you think she wants to do that to the 4th child? She hasn’t said she going to split with him, just looking for advice.

MySparklyGreyScroller · 11/02/2025 13:49

Lucy20333 · 11/02/2025 13:42

Bit harsh. What makes you think she wants to do that to the 4th child? She hasn’t said she going to split with him, just looking for advice.

Edited
Show quote history

I think people are saying there’s more chance of him splitting up with her. She’s almost 40 and was in her 30’s when she got with him when he was a teenager and he had to play a daddy role to 3 no bio children. I acknowledge I’m being massively judgmental here, but I’m questioning the quality of life all of these children have. I doubt the op had/has a full time job or one at all, raising 4 children, 3 from a broken home, and getting with a teenage partner, and then having another child, and now trying for even more.

MySparklyGreyScroller · 11/02/2025 13:50

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2JFDIYOLO · 11/02/2025 13:56

He's grieving. This was probably this young man's first experience of anything like this, after what I trust was a good experience with his first who was born when he was very young. Maybe some compassion for him instead of complaining that he is stepping back from the idea of going through that again.

Lucy20333 · 11/02/2025 14:32

MySparklyGreyScroller · 11/02/2025 13:49

I think people are saying there’s more chance of him splitting up with her. She’s almost 40 and was in her 30’s when she got with him when he was a teenager and he had to play a daddy role to 3 no bio children. I acknowledge I’m being massively judgmental here, but I’m questioning the quality of life all of these children have. I doubt the op had/has a full time job or one at all, raising 4 children, 3 from a broken home, and getting with a teenage partner, and then having another child, and now trying for even more.

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Ah I see… yes if she pushes him he could break for sure.

Yes I did wonder about quality of life of kids, but don’t think we have that info. Wondered how old the other kids are or if they even live with her or ex partner. If they are in a struggling financial way then it’s selfish to have more but they did plan the baby they lost so I doubt it unless they use kids to live off benefits then that’s a subject I best not get into.

If the other 3 kids are much older than their 3 year old they probably want to give their child a sibling to grow up with close in age. I know I prefer mine to.

Re age gap, have met younger men more mature than older and vice verca. Know grandmas 8 years older than grandfathers got married 19 and 27, together until died etc so who we to judge on age gaps as long as it’s legal.

Anyone could be anyone on here for all we know and without asking could be a model that looks and feels only 25 and she’s suited to younger men. They could all live with grandma in tiny council house or ex partner could have been super rich and she got good settlement in divorce making her minted and have a huge home that feels good with lots of kids dogs and cats. They could have multiple homes abroad and in UK. He could be a Mr Gray millionaire and the kids all go to top notch boarding schools ;) Who knows without asking her lol.

At the end of the day (assuming money isn’t an issue), they have made it to 4 years together with her 3 kids before having their own child and now been together for almost 9 years and if they can get through the miscarriage issue together then they will come out stronger.

everychildmatters · 11/02/2025 15:53

I'm 44 (hubby 49 so older) and we have three children between us - two from my first marriage (15 and 17) and a daughter together (4 years).

When our daughter was about 3 (and I was taking the pill absolutely correctly) I fell pregnant although I had no idea I was until I was rushed into emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic. It was awful, but if I'm being totally honest I felt relief as no way a fourth child would have been a good idea (we both work but not high earners and I'm old!)
My daughter will always be my husband's first and last and we are happy that's the case for sure.

Bibi12 · 11/02/2025 21:22

I'm sorry but I struggle to have sympathy for someone who doesn't think 4 kids is enough of a blessing.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/02/2025 21:38

Op I think it's natural for your body and heart to feel desperate for a baby after your miscarriage you feel you need it to heal.

But if he doesn't want more there's not much you can do unless you want to visit a clinic for a sperm donor or chance it on the dating apps. I would get some counseling for yourself xx

Twaddlepip · 12/02/2025 09:31

How committed does he appear to be to your relationship? He’s 28, stepfather to three older kids and father to one. That’s a lot. How old was he when he became a stepfather? Does he treat them well?

Has the focus on conception overridden other things in your relationship?

He’s perfectly entitled to not want children, and the one who doesn’t trumps the one who does. I know that’s not what you want to hear.

SallyWD · 12/02/2025 10:00

I would focus on the four children you have. I don't mean that in a nasty way, just be thankful to have four children and focus your energy on them.

Twaddlepip · 12/02/2025 10:03

Twaddlepip · 12/02/2025 09:31

How committed does he appear to be to your relationship? He’s 28, stepfather to three older kids and father to one. That’s a lot. How old was he when he became a stepfather? Does he treat them well?

Has the focus on conception overridden other things in your relationship?

He’s perfectly entitled to not want children, and the one who doesn’t trumps the one who does. I know that’s not what you want to hear.

Just seen he’s been a stepfather of three since he was 19.

SallyWD · 12/02/2025 10:12

Twaddlepip · 12/02/2025 10:03

Just seen he’s been a stepfather of three since he was 19.

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Gosh, I think he probably has enough on his plate.

MySparklyGreyScroller · 12/02/2025 12:21

I don’t think the ops coming back

ZebraPyjamas · 12/02/2025 12:29

Jen596 · 11/02/2025 09:29

Come on OP, nobody needs 5 kids. Concentrate on the 4 you already have and making sure they all have a really good life.

Nobody “needs” any number of kids

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