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Original poster

BV help

76 replies

Finallyfound2025 · 10/02/2025 14:24

Im going out of my mind thinking there must be some help out there for this?
Iv been with my partner almost a year and in most of that time iv had BV and also UTIs, iv since found out the UTIs cause the BV, we have a very good sex life, pretty much daily and i know its definatly his cum that is the cause bcos when either him or I have been away/apart i have no issues.
Drs have given me long term antibiotics for UTI and apart from metro (currently taking 2nd course in 3 months) they are saying no long term help for the BV..i wouldnt need the long term antibiotics for the UTI if the BV would stay away though??
Iv tried every single over the counter pessary and gel, but i cant keep on like this forever.. all STI test etc are coming back clear.

My partner said he is willing to take the antibiotics if the drs prescribe them for him (he doesnt like taking any tablets at all) BUT drs etc wont treat men for BV

I do all the usual thinks of advice, shower/wash after, wee, no soaps ect im really just at the end of my teather and this week have felt so low and down to the point where i am actually thinking about ending the relationship so any advice would be amazing
Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 07:02

Willweeverfindout · 11/02/2025 21:47

Do you have a coil @Finallyfound2025? I had recurrent BV, decided to take out the coil and haven’t suffered since. I probably made this up but I was convinced the bad bacteria were managing to hang round it. No idea if it was right, but it seemed to work.

Hi no iv had the depo injection for 24 yrs

OP posts:
nightmarepickle2025 · 12/02/2025 07:03

Have you both been tested for STIs?

Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 07:05

OldChairMan · 11/02/2025 20:06

These pro/prebiotics were recommended by a gynaecologist. They deliver to the UK or you can buy them on iHerb:

ora.organic/en-gb/products/gb-probiotics-for-women

These are also regularly recommended for while on ABs:

www.optibacprobiotics.com/uk/product/for-those-on-antibiotics-10-capsules

Thank you i will have a look

OP posts:
Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 07:18

OldChairMan · 11/02/2025 20:06

These pro/prebiotics were recommended by a gynaecologist. They deliver to the UK or you can buy them on iHerb:

ora.organic/en-gb/products/gb-probiotics-for-women

These are also regularly recommended for while on ABs:

www.optibacprobiotics.com/uk/product/for-those-on-antibiotics-10-capsules

Thanks iv bought the antibiotic ones as my metro finishes today BUT im on long term nitro for the UTIs

OP posts:
fireworks345 · 12/02/2025 07:37

Finallyfound2025 · 10/02/2025 17:20

Also thank you everyone for been helpful and no snidy comments.
I was so scared to write that first post and i was actually crying as im so down about all this

I will probably get flamed but we had similar problem a at the start. It lasted 4 months and I have given up! Sex only with a condom, that was the only way I wouldn't get it. We both have had STIs checks and both came back clear.
DP went to GP but was told there is no treatment for guys.
Do you know what finally helped? After I got another BV, my GP prescribed an antibiotic for me to take. It would have been my third, along with multiple presarries and gels. We both figured that it was DP who had this bacteria but wasn't aware of it so instead of me taking this antibiotic, he took it. I have managed to get rid of BV by using presarries and DP was taking antibiotic. We stopped sex for a week, just in case one of us would still have and would infect the other.
Since then I haven't had it even once, and it has been a year!
Think you need to have a serious talk with your DP. It's all very well because it is not him who has all the issues! But why should you?
I would tell him no sex until that's sorted. No ode wants to live with recurring BV and UTIs.
He wouldn't either. And I bet if it was him suffering, you would do what you can to help.

OldChairMan · 12/02/2025 08:23

You've described yourself as 'going out of your mind' and 'so low and down' which is completely understandable. Plus you're on long term antibiotics for this which is not done lightly.

How does he respond to this? Beyond saying he'll take ABs if a GP prescribes. There is presumably some kind of issue with him using condoms as you've ignored people asking about that.

But he's seen you in pain, discomfort and on various drugs for nearly a year, due to having sex with him, and him in particular, as it's not a problem you've had before.

You've been having sex every day throughout all of this pain and discomfort? So it hasn't directly impacted him.

He doesn't sound particularly bothered about what you're going through. You're posting on MN, spending yet more money on probiotics etc, while he...?

How a partner responds to a problem like this would be make or break for me.

Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 09:26

OldChairMan · 12/02/2025 08:23

You've described yourself as 'going out of your mind' and 'so low and down' which is completely understandable. Plus you're on long term antibiotics for this which is not done lightly.

How does he respond to this? Beyond saying he'll take ABs if a GP prescribes. There is presumably some kind of issue with him using condoms as you've ignored people asking about that.

But he's seen you in pain, discomfort and on various drugs for nearly a year, due to having sex with him, and him in particular, as it's not a problem you've had before.

You've been having sex every day throughout all of this pain and discomfort? So it hasn't directly impacted him.

He doesn't sound particularly bothered about what you're going through. You're posting on MN, spending yet more money on probiotics etc, while he...?

How a partner responds to a problem like this would be make or break for me.

Your partly right so we havent even discussed condoms, and in all honesty this issue iv dealt with mostly on my own due to the embarrassment of it, i only really opened up to him at christmas but i do need to grow some balls and speak more

OP posts:
Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 09:28

fireworks345 · 12/02/2025 07:37

I will probably get flamed but we had similar problem a at the start. It lasted 4 months and I have given up! Sex only with a condom, that was the only way I wouldn't get it. We both have had STIs checks and both came back clear.
DP went to GP but was told there is no treatment for guys.
Do you know what finally helped? After I got another BV, my GP prescribed an antibiotic for me to take. It would have been my third, along with multiple presarries and gels. We both figured that it was DP who had this bacteria but wasn't aware of it so instead of me taking this antibiotic, he took it. I have managed to get rid of BV by using presarries and DP was taking antibiotic. We stopped sex for a week, just in case one of us would still have and would infect the other.
Since then I haven't had it even once, and it has been a year!
Think you need to have a serious talk with your DP. It's all very well because it is not him who has all the issues! But why should you?
I would tell him no sex until that's sorted. No ode wants to live with recurring BV and UTIs.
He wouldn't either. And I bet if it was him suffering, you would do what you can to help.

Show quote history

No flaming from me, i do think him also taking antibiotics will help

OP posts:
OldChairMan · 12/02/2025 10:01

Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 09:26

Your partly right so we havent even discussed condoms, and in all honesty this issue iv dealt with mostly on my own due to the embarrassment of it, i only really opened up to him at christmas but i do need to grow some balls and speak more

Show quote history

But he knows it’s an issue with his jizz, so he could suggest condoms.

I guess that your feeing so uncomfortable discussing this that you have suffered in silence is an issue on its own. Have you been having uncomfortable/painful sex during flare ups as you don’t feel you can tell him?

sparkleghost · 12/02/2025 11:12

Not sure if this has already been suggested but there’s a company in the US called The Honey Pot Company. The founder developed it after suffering from BV for 8 months. She does washes and wipes designed for BV, soothing creams and boric acid & herb suppositories. I found her because she also does herb infused sanitary towels which I’d read could potentially help soothe endo pain (I have endometriosis and adenomyosis). I can vouch for those, they’re not a miracle fix but do feel soothing. I seem to remember the reviews for her BV products being really good. I’ve bought her sanitary towels range on Amazon - maybe some of the BV stuff will be available through Amazon too? You can buy it through iHerb if not. Hope this helps OP, might be worth trying if nothing else has helped x

Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 14:03

OldChairMan · 12/02/2025 10:01

But he knows it’s an issue with his jizz, so he could suggest condoms.

I guess that your feeing so uncomfortable discussing this that you have suffered in silence is an issue on its own. Have you been having uncomfortable/painful sex during flare ups as you don’t feel you can tell him?

Show quote history

No, would you believe i have no discomfort at all, the only effect im having is the smell and a lot of watery discharge.
Other than that you wouldnt think anythignwas going on at all

OP posts:
muggart · 12/02/2025 18:19

Do you have any idea of the damage that long term antibiotics can do? you could end up with permanent damage to your gut health and broader immune system.

It's utterly stupid to take them when you could just wear condoms. I cannot stress this enough. Long term antibiotics should be a last ditch attempt to recover from real suffering, not something that you do to enhance his orgasms. You are literally sacrificing the foundation of your immune system for this.

Copperoliverbear · 12/02/2025 18:50

Condoms

Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 19:57

muggart · 12/02/2025 18:19

Do you have any idea of the damage that long term antibiotics can do? you could end up with permanent damage to your gut health and broader immune system.

It's utterly stupid to take them when you could just wear condoms. I cannot stress this enough. Long term antibiotics should be a last ditch attempt to recover from real suffering, not something that you do to enhance his orgasms. You are literally sacrificing the foundation of your immune system for this.

Please dont speak to me like i am stupid, i am very aware of what the antibiotics can do. If you have nothing helpful to comment then please dont bother again as i dont want to hear it

OP posts:
AnonAnonmystery · 12/02/2025 20:09

To Give yourself a break from this cycle do you think you could agree he finishes outside of you if condoms are a no go? I do think at this point he is part of the problem in some way. I totally get you not wanting to discuss the bv with him. I was really embarrassed when I got it but luckily a few canesten pesarries did the trick.

Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 20:22

AnonAnonmystery · 12/02/2025 20:09

To Give yourself a break from this cycle do you think you could agree he finishes outside of you if condoms are a no go? I do think at this point he is part of the problem in some way. I totally get you not wanting to discuss the bv with him. I was really embarrassed when I got it but luckily a few canesten pesarries did the trick.

We have spoke about it, and iv told him basically i think its his jizz which he understands. The condom conversation hasnt come up because i just didnt think that way but it will be an option going forward.
I know it sounds really silly but i think my option is to do nothing and see if it comes back, which it likly will and then i can at least say to him your options are now x,y,z bcos im not willing to keep doing this to myself, like someone else pointed out how would he feel if it was him in this position.
And if im really honest too i think he is carrying the bacteria too, which no amount of cleaning will gt rid of. I genuinly think he needs treating as well

OP posts:
AnonAnonmystery · 12/02/2025 20:29

@Finallyfound2025 why do you want to put yourself through this again when you know the bv is an absolute bastard to get rid of. I think you both need to be tested at the same time, this should be a joint thing and not just down to you. You’ve been given a lot of advice in terms of treatment but prevention better than cure. I don’t know if you said but women with coil more prone to bv too. Hope you get it sorted soon x

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 12/02/2025 20:35

Why are you willing to do nothing and wait and see if it comes back??? That's madness.

He needs to be treated and you need to abstain ie use condoms in the meantime.

Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 20:35

AnonAnonmystery · 12/02/2025 20:29

@Finallyfound2025 why do you want to put yourself through this again when you know the bv is an absolute bastard to get rid of. I think you both need to be tested at the same time, this should be a joint thing and not just down to you. You’ve been given a lot of advice in terms of treatment but prevention better than cure. I don’t know if you said but women with coil more prone to bv too. Hope you get it sorted soon x

Iv txt him and told him we need to talk, that the tablets are making me ill amd i cant keep taking them and we need to sort out how were going to manage it.

OP posts:
fireworks345 · 12/02/2025 20:40

Why don't you send him a txt? I know it's not a mature way to talk about problems, but perhaps the only solution if you are embarrassed to talk about them face to face. Why don't you tell him you are so tired of all this and if he wants sex the next time can he please bring some condoms. And that until he gets treated that's your only option to have sex.

He is an adult, he must be sensible enough to understand.

fireworks345 · 12/02/2025 20:41

Cross post x

Original poster
Finallyfound2025 · 12/02/2025 20:45

fireworks345 · 12/02/2025 20:40

Why don't you send him a txt? I know it's not a mature way to talk about problems, but perhaps the only solution if you are embarrassed to talk about them face to face. Why don't you tell him you are so tired of all this and if he wants sex the next time can he please bring some condoms. And that until he gets treated that's your only option to have sex.

He is an adult, he must be sensible enough to understand.

I have litetally just txt him, basically saying we need to talk the tablets making me ill...
He has replied and said he agrees and were a team and he should be putting me first and he is sorry, not really sure what he is sorry for but ill take it!!

Then i burst out crying

Iv replied to say to bring some condoms on the way home, then at least it gives him an idea of whats gping to spoke about

OP posts:
fireworks345 · 12/02/2025 20:49

That's great. Fingers crossed for you. Hope he gets the message x

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 12/02/2025 22:48

BV is caused by gardnerella bacteria, and men absolutely can be infected in their prostate and urethra, often asymptomatic. The very least the GP should do is test the guy! But if they are as crap as they sound perhaps a sexual health clinic might be a better option,? I imagine they will be more sympathetic. Good luck OP.

BerthaBindweed · 13/02/2025 10:33

Hi,
Have you tried Multi-gyn Actigel vaginal gel.
It has been a life saver for me.