Dating Mr Monologue Zzzzz

[ladycardamom]

I've started dating a new man (both late 40's with our own children, long divorced). He seems very nice and polite, with several dates and frequent texts and occasional phone calls around our respective child residency arrangements. So far, so good, but he never asks me a question. I ask a question as simple as "How was your week?" He will monologue about his work, child, week, and never asks me a question in return. I was so bored on a phone call the other day I nearly fell asleep, I looked at my phone, and he had been explaining the minutiae of work situations for 23 minutes. I then finished the phone call. I still don't really know what he does for work because I can't pick out the important data.

Should I just interject and start a monologue about my own job, children, and boring week of making packed lunches? I'm half joking because I would never be so rude as to drone on about myself for 23 minutes without a bit of back and forth, but I literally can't get a word in edgeways. On our first date, he talked quite a lot, but i thought it was nerves. You know when you're nervous and talk too much.

I would like to say "I'd love it if you asked me about my life now and again". Or how could I word it better? I would like to give him a chance because he does seem very nice, and in the late 40s, there aren't many fish left.......

I would dump him. He's completely self absorbed.

Fake death while he's talking - see if he notices?

Yeah I’m not sure why you want to keep seeing him? Better no fish than one you cannot have a conversation with.

There is no point in pulling him up on this. This is what he is like. He's not going to change.

This is common with men, they just drone on about themselves. But at the same time they expect us to carry the conversation 🥱

Tell him - maybe no-one has actually told him before.

Just tell him that monologues are boring and that he needs to show a bit more interest in you and let you talk half the time.

I have been on dates though and met colleagues as well where I have felt like saying at the end of a session, now you write down everything you know about me and I will write down everything I know about you. I just know they couldn't write one thing.

I don’t understand.

you find him boring yet you still want to be with him?

did you not realise after the first or second date that he wasn’t the man for you?

Baffling.

just end it in the nicest way possible.

What's good about this?

I've had it with colleagues at work too, I avoid the tearoom when they're in there otherwise "thats my lunch break ruined". I just can't fathom it, I think I will tell him, but I'm worried you're right, this is him. I've changed over the years and worked on myself so maybe he could be open to!

Don’t go into a relationship expecting someone to change- that’s not fair.

Maybe he hates the phone and awkward silences? I know I do so tend to babble! Maybe video call better?
Does he do this face to face?

I once dated someone like this who was in late forties. It was constant became wearing. When I brought up communication styles one day he just said it was his way or the highway. I broke it off there and then as he said he’d never change.

Explains why he’d been divorced twice and out of a third LTR. Don’t know how anyone could have put up with that.

Id say just don’t waste your time.

Of course he won't change. He's not interested, believe him.
Never take on a man as a project to fix him.

A boyfriend is for making your life fun, better and bringing you peace. This man is using you as a dumping ground.

Tell him, give him the chance to change. You have nothing to lose because the only alternative is dumping him.

He thinks he's more interesting than you. He isn't inquisitive about you. Doesn't wonder about you.

You could try having an honest conversation (if he'll shut up for long enough) in case it's about something else - nerves or something - but be ready and willing to let this one go if things don't change and stay changed.

He did comment that my eyes were glazing over once! The replies are making me laugh 😃

If you need to tell a very new boyfriend that he is meant to be interested in you, you're already degrading yourself.

I wonder if you said something what his response would be? Could he be overcompensating and a bit nervous? I sometimes chatter on when I am in edge. But I hope I am a little more aware of things than he sounds. I wonder if you told him that it feels like he is not really interested in you, what he would do? I guess if he seems nice, it may be worth seeing what happens? If he ignores your or gets defensive, then you will know there is no point carrying on. But if there is a chance it is a blip, its worth trying.

Just ditch him

Why would you date someone who’s this socially inept and self centred? This is him on best behaviour. Don’t ask him to show an interest in you Ffs. That’s really desperate and even if he does you’ll know it’s fake.

He probably can’t believe his luck that he’s found someone to monologue at. Most people probably avoid him.

I don't get it. Did I miss that it's the law to have a boyfriend? Just dump him, he's boring.

I was listening to something the other day and it made me think.

Women talk to each other. We discuss friends and relationships and pour over how a date went and discuss what happened and it means we can change depending on a friend saying, 'love, if his eyes were glazing over, you need to ask a question or two'. We learn and evolve. Men typically don't discuss relationships and dates as much. Which means they almost never get told. I'm not sure I entirely buy into this theory, but it does suggest women should tell men what they need much more, because their friends won't coach them.

I remember being in a restaurant with my late DH for our anniversary. The couple behind us were clearly on a first date and from the get go he droned on about himself so much it was unbelievable, she did a couple of times try to say something but unsuccessfully. When I came back from the loo I gave her what I hope was a sympathetic smile (he wouldn't have noticed, he was still in full flow) and the look in her eyes said it all. I'd never been so glad to be married to my DH as that day!

Dump him OP, there is no hope with this one, really none. Sex fades, looks fade, boredom is forever.

That's how I feel and what i suspect in a nutshell. I'll meet him face to face one more time and say something about it. If no better, I will dump. I'm not looking to change him or for him to be a project, but a bit of self-awareness wouldn't go astray.