Dating Mr Monologue Zzzzz

[ladycardamom]

I've started dating a new man (both late 40's with our own children, long divorced). He seems very nice and polite, with several dates and frequent texts and occasional phone calls around our respective child residency arrangements. So far, so good, but he never asks me a question. I ask a question as simple as "How was your week?" He will monologue about his work, child, week, and never asks me a question in return. I was so bored on a phone call the other day I nearly fell asleep, I looked at my phone, and he had been explaining the minutiae of work situations for 23 minutes. I then finished the phone call. I still don't really know what he does for work because I can't pick out the important data.

Should I just interject and start a monologue about my own job, children, and boring week of making packed lunches? I'm half joking because I would never be so rude as to drone on about myself for 23 minutes without a bit of back and forth, but I literally can't get a word in edgeways. On our first date, he talked quite a lot, but i thought it was nerves. You know when you're nervous and talk too much.

I would like to say "I'd love it if you asked me about my life now and again". Or how could I word it better? I would like to give him a chance because he does seem very nice, and in the late 40s, there aren't many fish left.......

And remember to 'I statement' it.

Not, 'you're a boring arse' but 'I need to feel engaged' 'I need someone who is interested in me' 'I need a two-way conversation'.

It probably won't work

Oh, just dump him. He’s not right for you if you’re already being annoyed by him this early on.

Is he an esteemed English Gentleman and a Certified Master Cocksman? If not, he has no business indulging in monologues.

This is true.

It explains why women are far happier to want to couple up in 20s/30s/40s but aren't interested really when 50s/60s/70s etc

Because they have grown, worked on themselves, become self aware and men have stayed where they were and thus don't interest the women any more anywhere near as much as their female friends.

Sounds like my sister and MiL, cannot listen to me for more than half a minute before interjecting about themselves and then monologuing on and on ... And I can't dump either of them 😂

My sister does this she's a dog groomer my trade and dog lover my nature, I like dogs but have no finatical obsession so never ending drivel about the length of a blind Jack russels undercoat is horrendous. I zone out. Whenever we go shopping we will always end up in the pet aisle for a good 40 minutes, I can't 🤣🤣

I don’t really get why you’d carry on dating someone who bored the living tits off you just because the pool of eligible men is shallow.

Surely being single is better than this?

My DH is like this. I just tell him to stop it. Half the time he doesn't realise he is doing it and the other half I just leave the room and get on with something else.

He gets worse year ln year.

Met a fair few men like this when I was dating. I threw them back...

I used to know the female equivalent. I would put her on speakerphone and clean the house.

How on earth do you conclude "so far, so good"??

As PP say this is the best he'll ever be at being interested in you. Is that what you want? Why haven't you already bumped him?

I have (had) a friend like this. She complains that people are always interrupting her...

I can only think of one person who does this but isn’t totally self absorbed/draining/dull…

I was in a long-term relationship with one of these, though thankfully we never lived together. In mitigation I was young and stupid and had already fallen for him before I realised the true horror of his verbosity. In my experience the self-absorption of men liked this also carries over into other areas of the relationship.

This is different from people who gabble nervously with someone new who they're probably trying to impress. Manologuers as I call them usually speak at a moderate pace, even slowly, but without any noticeable gaps at which you can interject. Not that they'd stop even if you tried. It's really verbal masturbation. They're the vocal equivalent of people who somehow take up the whole pavement: even though they're walking alone and there's physically enough room, weirdly it's impossible to overtake them.

Manologuers also love to do this to lone women on public transport, plonking them down next to some poor unsuspecting soul, before launching into whatever drivel they wish to impart.

I have known women who are expert at this, to be fair. One spent 30 mins once telling me that an evening class she'd tried hadn't been to her liking, something that at most should take a couple of minutes. I used to think that maybe it was because I didn't try to contribute more to our conversations, but when I did she'd just give a slightly irritated grunt and resume the monologue.

Well, I guess this has been something of a monologue of my own...Good luck OP if you do decide to give him another chance.

Manologuers! Genius!

Nope. Awful.

I had a date with a chap who did this. The conversation was me asking questions and him banging on about himself. He didn’t ask me one thing. Friends convinced me that it was first date nerves and he was keen to meet up again. I did and it was exactly the same.

When he asked to meet for a third time I said no. He seemed surprised as he thought we got on well and there was a connection! I kindly explained that at no time has he asked me one question or attempted to get to know me, he simply talked about himself. He told me that is how conversation works and couldn’t see the problem. I just don’t get it!

I went on one date with a bloke like this. Went on one date and he talked about himself non stop. Every time I tried to change the subject, he interrupted and said ‘that reminds me of…’ and carried on with another anecdote about himself.

By the end of the date I knew his entire life story and he barely knew my name.

@WatieKatie Exactly. Another man told me repeatedly, "But I'm just telling you about myself!", when I tried to explain that a conversation isn't talking at someone until they fall off their perch weeping tears of boredom.

Just NO op, it will not get better. Those niggles at the start they only get WORSE. Don't be me stuck with a moaning monologuer.

This really made me giggle

The man I'm with is autistic and he does this. Obviously I didn't realise at the start. I did bring it up with him as to why he never asked me anything. His response was that if I wanted him to know something, surely I'd just tell him and how was he supposed to know what to ask? I told him I'd like it if he at least asks how my day has been.

Since then, I just tell him stuff because he doesn't pick up on the cues that most people respond to. The only question he tends to ask is the one I told him about.

If you really like this guy, I'd be interested to hear his response to you asking him why he isn't showing interest in getting to know you. In my experience, many men are self-obsessed and don't have autism as an excuse.

When I was OLD, this was so common. So much so that in the end I had a rule in my head. If they didn't ask a question about me (and appear interested in the answer!) within 24 hours of chatting, they were blocked. I blocked a lot of men!

In fairness though, women can be just as bad. In recent years there have been a couple of new friendships I've let drift, for the same reason.

I'd rather sit in silence alone than listen to someone monologue for hours. For me, good conversation is my no1 requirement, above looks, profession, etc. If they don't have that skill, I'm not interested.

It definitely sounds a bit boring. Though you need to interject and change the direction of the conversation. I tend to get sarcastic and say, you know, you've not asked me a single question, right? Try a few things and if he doesn't realise how his behaviour is affecting you, then he clearly isn't the one for you.

I was so bored on a phone call the other day I nearly fell asleep

I simply don't understand why you'd even consider continuing to date someone who bored you to this extent.

The point of dating is to find someone you actually like?