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Original poster

Should I tell him I’m pregnant

33 replies

Lozzy199707 · 05/02/2025 21:25

not sure I posted in the right topic but just looking for advice!
so I’ve been seeing this guy for about five months and he’s made it clear from the start he doesn’t want any more kids but Last Thursday I found out I’m pregnant.
we was both being careful but it happens I guess.
so I’ve have made my decision to have an abortion, (i have 3 kids already and the whole situation isn’t ideal for a new baby) but my question is should I tell him I’m pregnant and that am having an abortion or don’t tell him I’m pregnant and have an abortion behind his back.
my head has been a complete mess since I found out and I’m scared he might end things with me if I tell him but I feel I need to be honest because I do really like this guy, I’ve felt like this before, I just don’t know what to do!! Any advice would help please

OP posts:
Starsandall · 05/02/2025 21:27

It sounds like you have made your your mind. In your situation I would tell you him, as if this is a decent relationship he would want to support you?

strawberry2017 · 05/02/2025 21:41

If you tell him, what would you do if he talked you in to keeping the baby but then abandoned you once baby was here.
I know it's a blunt thing to ask but these things happen so often and sometimes I think if the men aren't part of the decision it's not always the worst thing.
You have to base the decision on you and you only. Men can walk away; women don't have that option ( I know some do but its rare)

IncaDove · 05/02/2025 21:44

He does not have the right to know, OP.

BunsenBurnerBaby · 05/02/2025 21:47

Jesus. If you like him and you actually have a relationship with him (rather than him being a fuck buddy) of course you need to tell him. Not because he gets a say but because this is a big deal for you and you are in a relationship.Would you tell him if you had a cancer scare?

UpUpUpU · 05/02/2025 21:48

I wouldn’t tell him personally, just deal with it myself and then find a better Contraceptive

TENSsion · 05/02/2025 21:50

I think if you want to have a long term relationship with him, you need to tell him. Honesty is key in a relationship.
If you want to keep things fairly unserious and commitment free, there is no need to tell him.

umbrellasusie · 05/02/2025 22:09

Well if you tell him and he bins you then he's not worth having as a partner anyway, is he? Especially when you have children to consider.

Tell him, support eachother through it. Don't let him sway your decision, if your mind is made up.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/02/2025 22:09

UpUpUpU · 05/02/2025 21:48

I wouldn’t tell him personally, just deal with it myself and then find a better Contraceptive

I agree with this

TheJinxMinx · 05/02/2025 22:10

Tell him, you may need to be supported emotionally following this and also in a genuine relationship honesty is key. Obviously mention you are as shocked and what your plans are and then just check he is on board with the abortion. I can't see him talking you around as he already stated he doesn't want kids and the relationship is very new. Kids don't necessarily mean "love" or make a relationship better, you need to do whats right for you but its definitely best to tell him and also id make an appointment with family planning to look into different contraception methods if thats an option for you.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 05/02/2025 22:13

Do you need to tell him? No. Your body your choice. He isn't entitled to know your medical procedures.

Could I continue a relationship with someone and not tell them I aborted their child? Also no. Whether you can is up to you.

GoldMoon · 05/02/2025 22:13

It sounds like you are not in a full relationship with him .
And even if you were , your body , your choice .

IncaDove · 05/02/2025 22:15

TheJinxMinx · 05/02/2025 22:10

Tell him, you may need to be supported emotionally following this and also in a genuine relationship honesty is key. Obviously mention you are as shocked and what your plans are and then just check he is on board with the abortion. I can't see him talking you around as he already stated he doesn't want kids and the relationship is very new. Kids don't necessarily mean "love" or make a relationship better, you need to do whats right for you but its definitely best to tell him and also id make an appointment with family planning to look into different contraception methods if thats an option for you.

She doesn’t need to “check he is on board with the abortion”. It’s entirely her decision whether he is on board with it or not.

Crushed23 · 05/02/2025 22:20

UpUpUpU · 05/02/2025 21:48

I wouldn’t tell him personally, just deal with it myself and then find a better Contraceptive

This.

Endofyear · 05/02/2025 22:39

I would tell him and hopefully he will support your decision and support you through it. If he's an arsehole about it or backs off, you're better off finding out now that he's a tosser before you waste any more time with him.

category12 · 05/02/2025 22:57

If he definitely doesn't want more kids and you have a good idea of what his attitude is to terminations, then probably it's safe to say.

Maybe he'll sort out a vasectomy instead of leaving himself open to accidents.

Notaflippinclue · 05/02/2025 22:58

No

Viviennemary · 05/02/2025 23:01

If you have absolutely decided on an abortion I can't see the point of telling him. So I wouldn't. Bur I would also end the relationship.

category12 · 05/02/2025 23:01

Viviennemary · 05/02/2025 23:01

If you have absolutely decided on an abortion I can't see the point of telling him. So I wouldn't. Bur I would also end the relationship.

Why would you end the relationship?

ImDoneOnceAndForAll · 05/02/2025 23:02

If you want a long term relationship than i would tell him

If its just a fling, then i guess thats up to you

But dont start a loving relationship on secrets and lies

Viviennemary · 05/02/2025 23:07

category12 · 05/02/2025 23:01

Why would you end the relationship?

Show quote history

Because I wouldn't really think the relationship had any future under the circumstances.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 05/02/2025 23:10

category12 · 05/02/2025 23:01

Why would you end the relationship?

Show quote history

Personally I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone where I would feel I was lying by omission. It's something that is entirely OPs choice, but it's still his baby that she would be aborting without telling him. Fine for a fling you'll never see again, something else if you plan to have a long term committed relationship with them.

IncaDove · 05/02/2025 23:24

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 05/02/2025 23:10

Personally I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone where I would feel I was lying by omission. It's something that is entirely OPs choice, but it's still his baby that she would be aborting without telling him. Fine for a fling you'll never see again, something else if you plan to have a long term committed relationship with them.

Show quote history

It’s not a baby.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 05/02/2025 23:33

IncaDove · 05/02/2025 23:24

It’s not a baby.

Show quote history

When I went to my EPAU scan at 7 weeks the sonographer said "and there is babies heartbeat".

Whether you want to call it a baby, potential baby, fetus, it's still his. Doesn't mean he gets a choice, 100% OPs. But relationships are formed on trust and honesty and an abortion is a big omission.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/02/2025 23:46

No, I wouldn't tell. You've only been seeing each other 5 months so who knows where things will be in a year.

If you were married or in a long term relationship I'd say tell. But not someone I'd only been seeing 5 months. At that point I'd figure it was my own private business and deal with it as I chose. If the relationship doesn't last you haven't included him in the most private decision a woman can make and the most 'intimate' procedure a woman can have, and then know the information is 'out there' with an ex-boyfriend. If the relationship does last, you can cross that bridge if you come to it.

StormingNorman · 05/02/2025 23:57

You don’t need to tell him if you don’t want to. Abortion isn’t always a big deal and not every woman needs supporting through it. There is no moral obligation to be upset about it. Nor is there a moral obligation to tell him.

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