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Original poster

Partners behaviour

33 replies

hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 18:33

I spoke to a mum at school today and she invited my DS (7) round for a play date next weekend as it’s her son’s birthday.

I mentioned this to my OH and he asked me if the mum had been “vetted” I replied that I’ve only met her through the kids being at school together but that I used to be friends with her partner (17 years ago when we were in school!) he asked his name so
I told him. He then declares “I know what’s going on here!” Storms out the room and locks himself in the bathroom.

I take his tea in to him when he’s in the lounge, he totally blanks me. My DD (18M) starts screaming the place down when her big sister (10) takes her watch back from her. He then shouts “if you’re not going to give it back to her get out the f*cking room!”

He’s point blank ignoring me which only means one thing, he’s going to keep giving me the silent treatment until he explodes. I feel sick to my stomach and the best part I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong!

Apparently I wasn’t even allowed friends before I met him! 😩the name of her partner means absolutely nothing to him either as he doesn’t know him. And he’s also always very much only been a friend!!

No point to this just needed to vent. I’m so fed up of being spoken to like this 😩

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 05/02/2025 18:35

He sounds like a horrible pig. I wouldn’t put up with that behaviour towards you, and I certainly wouldn’t accept swearing at the kids.

Has he been violent towards you?

Fitzcarraldo353 · 05/02/2025 18:35

I'm so sorry. Sounds awful. He sounds abusive and like he doesn't trust you/is controlling.

Are you safe? And are you in a position to consider leaving him/throwing him out?

Original poster
hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 18:54

Zippidydoodah · 05/02/2025 18:35

He sounds like a horrible pig. I wouldn’t put up with that behaviour towards you, and I certainly wouldn’t accept swearing at the kids.

Has he been violent towards you?

He goes one of two ways, which makes things so much harder in my head. The bad is horrible though, especially as I’ve never done the things I’m accused of! I think a lot of his issues stem from his childhood, he watched his mum jump from man to man and it seems to have affected the way both he and his sister view relationships.

I’ve always thought I’m trying to do my best by the kids but maybe I’m really not. A huge factor is I can’t financially cope on my own. I had children young and didn’t go down the path of getting a career.

He’s never physically hurt me, it’s always been emotional/verbal. I was warned about him when we got together so clearly it’s just how he is with women 😩

OP posts:
TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 05/02/2025 18:55

And another one!

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 05/02/2025 18:56

hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 18:54

He goes one of two ways, which makes things so much harder in my head. The bad is horrible though, especially as I’ve never done the things I’m accused of! I think a lot of his issues stem from his childhood, he watched his mum jump from man to man and it seems to have affected the way both he and his sister view relationships.

I’ve always thought I’m trying to do my best by the kids but maybe I’m really not. A huge factor is I can’t financially cope on my own. I had children young and didn’t go down the path of getting a career.

He’s never physically hurt me, it’s always been emotional/verbal. I was warned about him when we got together so clearly it’s just how he is with women 😩

Show quote history

Yet you ignored the warnings...

Original poster
hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 18:58

Fitzcarraldo353 · 05/02/2025 18:35

I'm so sorry. Sounds awful. He sounds abusive and like he doesn't trust you/is controlling.

Are you safe? And are you in a position to consider leaving him/throwing him out?

I think you’re absolutely right, he’s never trusted me and has absolutely controlled me. I was stupid for allowing in in the first place. If I hadn’t of fallen pregnant really early on I absolutely would have left.

Im not in a good financial position on my own at all, he makes jokes about me moving out fairly often so I think if it came to it he’d expect to be the one staying here!

As much as the atmosphere here is horrendous right now we’re safe, he’s just in a vile mood 😩

OP posts:
LoudSnoringDog · 05/02/2025 18:58

Seriously why is he such a prick? What's his problem?

Bananalanacake · 05/02/2025 19:08

Do you only have one child, if so could you get a part time job when he is at school and start saving money. If you were to tell him you are going to the Gymn every Tuesday and to a book club meeting every Friday, how would he react, if you think he would make it difficult for you to go out and socialise he is very controlling but I think you know that.

Original poster
hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 19:13

LoudSnoringDog · 05/02/2025 18:58

Seriously why is he such a prick? What's his problem?

I really wish I knew! We had a family day out back in the summer and I suggested he put the baby (14M) on his shoulders, he asked why and I said one of the dads at school does it and our babies are days apart in age. That was it then he kicked off saying “Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” (Another affair I didn’t know I was having!) Was really cold the remainder of the day and then says to me casually “what’s up with you?” When we went to the cafe afterwards. It’s like he’s obsessed with me cheating 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Doloresparton · 05/02/2025 19:14

Honestly I would laugh at his ridiculousness.
He's an absolute joke.

Original poster
hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 19:16

Bananalanacake · 05/02/2025 19:08

Do you only have one child, if so could you get a part time job when he is at school and start saving money. If you were to tell him you are going to the Gymn every Tuesday and to a book club meeting every Friday, how would he react, if you think he would make it difficult for you to go out and socialise he is very controlling but I think you know that.

No we have 3! Youngest is 18 months. I’ve always worked part time basic jobs but got made redundant on maternity leave (he was very unsupportive over the whole thing which utterly destroyed me)

I feel like you know my response to that already haha, I’ve never been allowed to do things like this. Never allowed any kind of life away from him. I’ve even been accused of things happening with men when I’ve had the kids!

OP posts:
Doloresparton · 05/02/2025 19:17

And if you knew what he was like after the first dc why have more dc.
You need to get back to work ASAP.

FamilyPhoto · 05/02/2025 19:17

Why are you teaching your daughter that its fine to be treated this way? !

Original poster
hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 19:18

He’s sat chatting to his friends from work on the PlayStation now nice as pie! I can hear him from upstairs. That’s something else, he will mute his mic to shout at me or say something he must know isn’t nice for others to hear or he surely wouldn’t mute it.

OP posts:
Doloresparton · 05/02/2025 19:18

He knows full well you're not cheating.
It's not insecurities it's emotional abuse.
He does this to control you.

pikkumyy77 · 05/02/2025 19:22

hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 18:54

He goes one of two ways, which makes things so much harder in my head. The bad is horrible though, especially as I’ve never done the things I’m accused of! I think a lot of his issues stem from his childhood, he watched his mum jump from man to man and it seems to have affected the way both he and his sister view relationships.

I’ve always thought I’m trying to do my best by the kids but maybe I’m really not. A huge factor is I can’t financially cope on my own. I had children young and didn’t go down the path of getting a career.

He’s never physically hurt me, it’s always been emotional/verbal. I was warned about him when we got together so clearly it’s just how he is with women 😩

Show quote history

Jesus christ this is bad. Like unforgivably bad.

Tell him to get himself into therapy for his outrageous treatment of you. I don’t care how many mothers he thinks cheated on their partners—holding you accountable for her supposed sins is like demanding random men pay the bar tab for his deadbeat father’s debts. Its such bullshit.

And figure out a way to leave and start supporting yourself. He is abusing you and the children and it will ruin their lives.

pikkumyy77 · 05/02/2025 19:23

Also: though you don’t have the nerve, next time he shouts “do you think Im fucking stupid?” Just say “yes.”

MrsJHernandez · 05/02/2025 19:26

I'd have thrown his dinner in the bin, not served it to him!

I've been in a relationship similar to this, being accused of things I haven't done and silent treatment etc. It doesn't stop or get better.

I just kept going, until one day I'd had enough and ended it there and then without pre notion or a second thought.

You'd think it was the time he put me in hospital for 3 days because some men looked at me. Nope not then. Or when he strangled me. Nope. It was something small and stupid that finally tipped me over the edge.

I'm sorry you're currently dealing with this miserable turd. He won't make you happy, and he won't change. But until you've had enough, you'll unfortunately continue to put up with it.

I wish you and the kids well x

GentlemanJay · 05/02/2025 19:26

You know this will never get better. Only worse. Somehow, anyhow get away from him.

IndigoBabble · 05/02/2025 19:28

If you don't want to leave for yourself (nobody desereves to be treated like this - it is domestic abuse), then think about doing it for your children. It is completely unacceptable to be shouting / swearing at them. How would you feel if one of your chlidren was in a realtionship with somebody who treated them like this in the future? I bet you would be horrified. Well that is likely to happen because you are modelling what a 'normal' relationship looks like. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it feels like you need a bit of a wake up call here.

SaltyPig · 05/02/2025 19:33

LTB.

mamamarshmallow · 05/02/2025 19:40

This was exactly my DD's dad, but with physical violence as well as the mental/emotional abuse. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER! He was removed by the police 5years ago & never stepped foot back in my home. 2/3 months after he was taken away, my DD (then 6) said one bedtime I was more fun now her dad was gone. My heart swelled & broke at the same time. Children notice how you're being treated & learn that's what to expect & accept in their future. You owe it to your kids to leave. You all deserve so so much better. Please reach out to your local services, health visitor ect. They can discretely help & support you & the children.

SandyY2K · 05/02/2025 19:46

He clearly has some serious issues going on The role model relationship he saw was his mum and now your kids will grow up seeing a relationship that's not good. History will repeat itself in years to come.

He is not the sort of person that you should compare others too. You don't need to be saying another dad carries his child on his shoulders. He is his own person and that sort of thing won't help your situation.

I'm not going to jump to say leave him. I will say, that you need to develop some financial independence and perhaps do some reflection on why your ignored the warnings you received about him.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 05/02/2025 19:55

You might be physically safe but you, and more importantly your children, are not emotionally safe. There will sadly likely be long term consequences of that for your children, and they themselves are more likely to be victims of domestic abuse in their relationships. Please stop minimising his behaviour and sign up to take the freedom programme (you can do it online or ask if your local children’s centre have a group running).

femfemlicious · 05/02/2025 20:00

hippopandamouse · 05/02/2025 19:16

No we have 3! Youngest is 18 months. I’ve always worked part time basic jobs but got made redundant on maternity leave (he was very unsupportive over the whole thing which utterly destroyed me)

I feel like you know my response to that already haha, I’ve never been allowed to do things like this. Never allowed any kind of life away from him. I’ve even been accused of things happening with men when I’ve had the kids!

Show quote history

Why have 3 children if this is how he is?