Partners behaviour

[hippopandamouse]

I spoke to a mum at school today and she invited my DS (7) round for a play date next weekend as it’s her son’s birthday.

I mentioned this to my OH and he asked me if the mum had been “vetted” I replied that I’ve only met her through the kids being at school together but that I used to be friends with her partner (17 years ago when we were in school!) he asked his name so
I told him. He then declares “I know what’s going on here!” Storms out the room and locks himself in the bathroom.

I take his tea in to him when he’s in the lounge, he totally blanks me. My DD (18M) starts screaming the place down when her big sister (10) takes her watch back from her. He then shouts “if you’re not going to give it back to her get out the f*cking room!”

He’s point blank ignoring me which only means one thing, he’s going to keep giving me the silent treatment until he explodes. I feel sick to my stomach and the best part I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong!

Apparently I wasn’t even allowed friends before I met him! 😩the name of her partner means absolutely nothing to him either as he doesn’t know him. And he’s also always very much only been a friend!!

No point to this just needed to vent. I’m so fed up of being spoken to like this 😩

He's horrible and abusive, op. Can you leave? Could you contact Women's Aud?

His reactions are completely off-the-scale insane.

How did you forget that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Did your dad treat your mum like you are now?.

Abuse is not just physical in nature and you’ve minimised and or simply not recognised the many red flags re him.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

You have a choice re this man, they do not. Staying with him further harms them as well as you.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. You may well feel
physically safe but if he decides his current level of power and control is not working, he could well start being physical against you.

She explains she's got 3 kids.

@hippopandamouse you are trapped in an abusive marriage. You need help to leave. Please contact woman's Aid.

Read 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft and find a women's centre that does the 'Freedom course'.

You are in an abusive relationship. You are being abused and so are your children. You have to make plans to leave. Not just for your sake but for your poor children. This kind of environment is so damaging for children to grow up in. They have no choice here, they are trapped but you do have a choice. It’s not an easy choice but you need to take it.

Let me tell you something personal that I hope will both help you build the courage to leave and give you hope that you can do this. I left my eldest child’s abusive father with nothing but the clothes on our backs, my child’s favourite toy and our birth certificates. I walked in to a women’s aid drop in centre and told them that I had to flee with my child and that I had nowhere to go, no money and I couldn’t go back. They gave me a shared room in a shelter with another lady and her children. Then I got social housing. They gave me money when I got there. Not much but enough for essentials. Then they helped me claim benefits, supported me to report the abuse and recommended a family lawyer I could get to represent me in child contact proceedings. Not only this but they believed me. They supported me and they understood. They helped me see that just because he hasn’t beat me to a pulp yet that it was still abuse. Since then, I have moved on with my life, I went back to work and studied in the evenings to build a career for myself. My child has grown up in a much safer environment and I’m now married to a man I love and who loves me and my eldest child and the child we’ve had together. But I had to take the first steps to get away from my abuser. If I can do it, you can do it. There is help available. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have the money or a job atm. It’s your safety and the safety of your children that’s most important. And you will be modelling to them that a) they shouldn’t put up with abuse from anybody and b) that mum will protect them and not allow them to be abused.

Have a read of this book whilst he’s away at work on playing his computer and contact women’s aid for advice and support.

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Stay safe, make a plan, get counselling and support, get out🤞🏼

I écho others this man is abusive.

You say financially you couldn't cope without him but honestly it's better to be poor and happy than live like this. I was incredibly poor when I left my abusive ex but feeling comfortable in my own house was absolutely worth not being able to afford any luxury. In fact I hardly noticed because my ex had carved away all I had in life that wasn't being his target. Sounds like your life is similar? We have the welfare state to top up your income. You will get child maintenance. If married you get half the assets. The children won't be young forever you can work more with time.

I remember thinking I was ripping my children's home apart by leaving. I certainly got told that by many people. But actually I was giving them a better life. My dd had a complete personality change once I left. She's the most confident assertive child now and she never could have been if I'd let her grow up with her father creating the atmosphere we lived in or had I continued to model that a woman should be treated that way.