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Original poster

Can I ask him to drop his client?

30 replies

Bountychocolate · 04/02/2025 19:18

Context: been with partner for 1 year. He's a kind man, loves me deeply, and generally I feel very happy and secure.

There is however, this one thing that's niggling at me.
He is an professional and has regular clients he sees every six / eight weeks. I won't name what he does, but it's in the same department as vet / horse foot blacksmith / that type of thing.

When we first met he talked distinctly about not having his clients on social media as he's a professional. His social media habits are very good - he's not the type of man to be liking bikini photos or following onlyfans girls.

Anyway, after Halloween last year he was scrolling Instagram next to me and a photo of a girl popped up which he'd liked previously. She was dressed in a sexy halloween costume, short dress. I immediately asked why he'd liked the photo and who it was.
It transpired she was one of his clients. She's 21 - he and I are both late thirties.

He assured me he didn't even remember liking the image, there was nothing to it and he removed her from following. I was confused as he never adds his clients on social media, and I'm not used to him liking sexy images of women. It's just not normally like him.

He insisted that there was nothing to it - it was a careless double tap. And we've not spoken about it since.

However, she's still his client. And he still sees her on a regular basis.

It's niggling at me as he's always seemingly had such distinct and strict professional boundaries with himself about his clients, but for her he made an exception by having her on social media and interacting in that way.

A part of me wants to ask him to drop her as a client - it wouldn't impact him financially as he is in demand for his services. It would make me feel more relaxed.

I know it speaks volumes about my own insecurities. Id appreciate others ' perspectives?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 04/02/2025 19:21

Yabu.You sound very insecure. SM matters more the younger you are. One like is nothing.

PauliesWalnuts · 04/02/2025 19:21

I think you are very insecure, and if my partner of one year asked me to drop a client, I’d probably drop you first. His job is none of your business. Where does it stop? Are you going to go through his client list and demand that he drop every client that isn’t a man or post menopausal woman? You need to get a grip.

outerspacepotato · 04/02/2025 19:21

Stay out of his business life and especially trying to dictate who can be his client because you're jealous. That's controlling.

You've only been involved for a year and you're trying to dictate his clientele.

MarkingBad · 04/02/2025 19:22

What do you think he is doing with her?

Is this something that's normal for you to worry about?

moochermini · 04/02/2025 19:22

YABU.

vodkaredbullgirl · 04/02/2025 19:23

🤔 you could ask but you might not like the answer.

Redglitter · 04/02/2025 19:24

Absolutely not. What happens next time he has an attractive client will you expect him to drop them too. This is based on ONE SM interaction. That's not the behaviour of an insecure person

You're displaying major red flags. Go with him to such a ridiculous suggestion and she might not be the one getting dropped

TomatoSandwiches · 04/02/2025 19:25

YABVU

Go to therapy and work on your self esteem, it will help you even if this relationship doesn't last.

Elasticatedtrousers · 04/02/2025 19:26

You cannot control his behaviour. You can only control your reactions.

If he's interested in her, he'll find another way. Either trust him or don't and leave but don't force him to give up a client, that's ridiculous.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 04/02/2025 19:28

Yabu.

Original poster
Bountychocolate · 04/02/2025 19:33

MarkingBad · 04/02/2025 19:22

What do you think he is doing with her?

Is this something that's normal for you to worry about?

Well, I think he's attracted to her. On the basis he's Liked an image of her in essentially underwear.

If it was someone he didn't know I'd be less inclined to be bothered. But it's a 21 year old, highly attractive client.

He has lots of attractive clients. That doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's his behaviour being out of character that has made me feel weird.

OP posts:
Yawningisinfectious · 04/02/2025 19:38

I agree it sounds as though he finds her attractive and is willing to lower his professional integrity and disrespect you by liking her pictures.

But you definitely shouldn't be asking him to drop her as a client.

Perhaps this is a sign he has more of a wandering eye than you realised.
You need to know what your own personal boundaries are but you can't control him.

Original poster
Bountychocolate · 04/02/2025 19:43

Yawningisinfectious · 04/02/2025 19:38

I agree it sounds as though he finds her attractive and is willing to lower his professional integrity and disrespect you by liking her pictures.

But you definitely shouldn't be asking him to drop her as a client.

Perhaps this is a sign he has more of a wandering eye than you realised.
You need to know what your own personal boundaries are but you can't control him.

What can I do then? Tell him I don't find that acceptable? Leave him?

I genuinely don't know what to do. I just know it happened in October and it's still bothering me. So I need to do something.

OP posts:
MarkingBad · 04/02/2025 19:49

Bountychocolate · 04/02/2025 19:33

Well, I think he's attracted to her. On the basis he's Liked an image of her in essentially underwear.

If it was someone he didn't know I'd be less inclined to be bothered. But it's a 21 year old, highly attractive client.

He has lots of attractive clients. That doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's his behaviour being out of character that has made me feel weird.

Show quote history

Has he given you any inkling that he is spending extra time with her, has mentionitis about her, or is sending her messages outside of his work other than liking her image.

I don't know, I was in the equestrian world most of my life and as you probably well know, it's full of attractive young women, some of whom go quite dizzy when any male turns up. If this isn't a normal reaction for you over a social media image on its own, perhaps he isn't the right man for you?

Yawningisinfectious · 04/02/2025 19:51

Bountychocolate · 04/02/2025 19:43

What can I do then? Tell him I don't find that acceptable? Leave him?

I genuinely don't know what to do. I just know it happened in October and it's still bothering me. So I need to do something.

Show quote history

So have you sat down with him and told him how much this affecting you?: it's obviously really important to you if you have been worrying about his relationship with this woman for so many months.

So you should be having an open discussion about it and putting the ball in his court. If he loves you he will do everything to make sure his relationship with her is transparently professional. And if he minimises your feelings you will know where you stand.

BeardOToots · 04/02/2025 19:55

Bountychocolate · 04/02/2025 19:18

Context: been with partner for 1 year. He's a kind man, loves me deeply, and generally I feel very happy and secure.

There is however, this one thing that's niggling at me.
He is an professional and has regular clients he sees every six / eight weeks. I won't name what he does, but it's in the same department as vet / horse foot blacksmith / that type of thing.

When we first met he talked distinctly about not having his clients on social media as he's a professional. His social media habits are very good - he's not the type of man to be liking bikini photos or following onlyfans girls.

Anyway, after Halloween last year he was scrolling Instagram next to me and a photo of a girl popped up which he'd liked previously. She was dressed in a sexy halloween costume, short dress. I immediately asked why he'd liked the photo and who it was.
It transpired she was one of his clients. She's 21 - he and I are both late thirties.

He assured me he didn't even remember liking the image, there was nothing to it and he removed her from following. I was confused as he never adds his clients on social media, and I'm not used to him liking sexy images of women. It's just not normally like him.

He insisted that there was nothing to it - it was a careless double tap. And we've not spoken about it since.

However, she's still his client. And he still sees her on a regular basis.

It's niggling at me as he's always seemingly had such distinct and strict professional boundaries with himself about his clients, but for her he made an exception by having her on social media and interacting in that way.

A part of me wants to ask him to drop her as a client - it wouldn't impact him financially as he is in demand for his services. It would make me feel more relaxed.

I know it speaks volumes about my own insecurities. Id appreciate others ' perspectives?

So, in October he 'liked' a WhatsApp picture of someone in fancy dress, and you are still dwelling on it?
It's entirely possible he did it accidentally, I give him the benefit of the doubt.

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 04/02/2025 20:00

Bountychocolate · 04/02/2025 19:33

Well, I think he's attracted to her. On the basis he's Liked an image of her in essentially underwear.

If it was someone he didn't know I'd be less inclined to be bothered. But it's a 21 year old, highly attractive client.

He has lots of attractive clients. That doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's his behaviour being out of character that has made me feel weird.

Show quote history

This is a classic case of making a mountain out of a molehill.

You asked him and his explanation is reasonable as is his online behaviour. He has given you no reason to worry but you have created a reason anyway.

Now you want him to lose a client and money based on a very poor guy feeling without any shred of evidence or fact.

OP for the sake of your relationship learn to trust your partner and let this go.

outerspacepotato · 04/02/2025 20:02

What you're asking is for him to tailor the client list of his business to cater to your insecurities. You've been bothered by his liking a photo for months now.

You need to control your intrusive thoughts, not his livelihood.

I would dump someone for what you're wanting to do. What next, he can only have clients of a certain demographic? No women?

Redcrayons · 04/02/2025 20:06

If he’s going to cheat with her, then he’ll do it whether he’s following her on Instagram or not.

tread carefully here, you might find that you’re the one getting dropped if you push this.

TappyGilmore · 04/02/2025 20:07

You think he is attracted to her on the basis of his liking one photo? Which he might have done accidentally, since it’s only one, it isn’t consistent with his usual habits, and he doesn’t recall doing it?

I suggest you don’t ask him to drop her as a client. You will sound ridiculous.

Redglitter · 04/02/2025 20:11

You're making this into something it's not. It's ONE photo he liked. One photo. Maybe they'd been talking at one of their meetings about Halloween and she told him about her outfit.

Honestly you're behaving completely ridiculously he's done nothing to suggest he's attracted to or overly involved with her

You said you're secure with him. To still be giving any headspace to a non every 3 months later suggests the opposite .

LittleBigHead · 04/02/2025 20:11

You’re insecure and unreasonable. You don’t trust him - think about that.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 04/02/2025 20:17

Gently this is a you problem not a him problem. It is not his responsibility to make you feel more secure; that comes from within - sometimes it comes with personal development and a deeper self awareness.

AlexandrinaH · 04/02/2025 23:48

So he’s a farrier then? YABVU. He’s going to meet loads of women in his industry. You’re going to have to relax or let go.

I do know of farriers who have hopped from one client to the other, but they were all very young/newly qualified and enjoying easy access to a lot of attractive women.

teenmaw · 05/02/2025 00:29

Couple of times I've tried to zoom in on a pic or click on a post on insta and liked it by accident. He's potentially done that. You sound ott and I'd be wary of starting to mess with a man's work that you've been dating a year. You barely know someone after dating for a year it's not your business to be getting involved with his client base. That's a weird suggestion.