Would this annoy you?

[Chloexoxo]

Would this annoy you or am I going over the top?

At the end of this year I’m going to be maid of honor for a friends wedding, alongside another woman. Don’t ask. I don’t know this other woman so my friend said the 6 of us ( partners too ) should all meet up for drinks, so we can get to know eachother before the wedding. I was fine with this.

1 Saturday my friend started messaging me, saying the 4 of them were having drinks together and did we want to meet. It was round 8.30 and myself and my husband were both tired from work in the week, and it was very last minute. I kindly declined and said next time, but give us more notice. My friend kept trying to persuade me, so I started to ignore the messages in the end. Then she started to message me husband asking him. He gave the same answer. She then asked if he wanted to come on his own and leave me at home. He obviously said no and ignored any further messages too.

The next day I met my friend and bought it up. She had no idea what I was talking about. Turns out she got really drunk, and her friend took her phone and was messaging my husband. We both thought this was quite strange but didn’t think much more of it.

About a week later, I got a message at work, and it was a photo of my husband. He was outside a house, lifting some scaffold in the air. ( He’s a builder ) You could see his muscles etc. underneath was the caption, ‘Who’s fit husband is this? Maybe he can do some bits round my house next’ with a winky face. It was the other girl messaging.

I told my husband and he laughed, obviously loving the ego boost. I asked him if he thought she was attractive and he said not at all, and I had nothing to worry about.

I do trust him but I just feel this is really strange behavior. Am I going over the top? I would never take a photo of another friends husband / partner and then go on to call them ‘fit’. I think it’s really disrespectful. The girl is a bit younger than us, so maybe that’s normal behavior for younger people? I really don’t know.

I feel if I say anything I’ll come across as jealous and insecure, which I’m really not. But then if I leave it, her behaviour may start to get worse? What would everyone else do?

Chlo xx

Yes her behaviour is out of order, but you trust your husband, he's not interested so I don't think that you have a problem.

Sorry but if she took the photo of him working how did she know where he was working?

Yes it would annoy me. It's not normal.

Personally, I would text back and say (to the comment about him doing work): I don't think so. I also don't appreciate you messaging using friend's phone.

And tell your friend that she's pissed you off and you're not up for the getting to know each other drinks at the moment.

If she's this lacking in boundaries when she doesn't even know you, she'll likely be a car crash when pissed up at the hen/wedding.

She followed him to where he was working and took a sly photo and then sent it to you his wife and made inappropriate remarks?

She now has your number after using your mutual friend's phone? Presumably she now has your husbands number as well and both of you need to block her.

I would be very wary about discussing her with the mutual friend as she's likely to pass on whatever you tell her.

This is an awkward situation that sadly will only be remedied by withdrawing from the mutual friendship otherwise it's going to be a lot of drama in the future from this nasty troublemaking woman.

He was working on a job round the corner from where she lives apparently. I just think it’s weird she was watching him and sneakily taking photos. Maybe she took more I don’t know. She may of sent them to other people on group chats etc.

She's never met him but happened to see him in her area and stopped to take a photo without speaking to him?

Presumably as a builder he was wearing a hard hat making him harder to identify.

It sounds like she knew where he would be.

I don't think your husband is up to no good l, but she certainly is and may be the mutual friend is feeding her information.

Did she take your number from your mutual friends phone and text the picture of your husband directly to you? Or was this in some kind of group? She sounds deranged.

My husband has bumped into my friend a few times n said hello, and I think she was with her once or twice but he’s never had a conversation with her apart from a a quick hi.

yeah she took my number and WhatsApp’d it to me. She was messaging my husband through messenger as my friend hasn’t got his number, as there’s no need.

She's a walking red flag and I'd be extremely guarded around her and having nothing to do with her post wedding. You said she's quite a bit younger than you and maybe she's incredibly naive but even so she sounds like someone to be avoided.

I personally wouldn't show your DH that message as you said he enjoyed the ego boost previously and I think it's better to minimise and squash this whole situation. Reply to her saying "sorry! He's fully booked by me! Haha" or something lighthearted that shuts it down.

Please don't show your DH any more pictures of her asking him to tell you if he finds her attractive. Just tell him she's making you uncomfortable and you'd rather he blocked her on social media after the other night.

I would respond “I don’t think we’ve actually met yet. Looking forward to when we do, and maybe we could discuss your messaging me and my husband off mutual friend’s phone and also taking photos of my husband at work”

She sounds like a nutter.

Nip this in the bud.

"Please don't take photos of my husband, or message him. Thank you."

She doesn't seem too have much of a grasp of social norms and boundaries. I think you can expect more peculiar behavior from her between now and the wedding. You might need to block her in the end.

This woman sounds absolutely nuts and no, of course she shouldn't be taking pictures of your husband while he's working. It's not normal behaviour at all - this isn't an age thing. It's weird and intrusive and she's clearly shit-stirring.

I would be inclined to have a serious conversation with your friend about why the fuck she's close to this woman, who sounds horrific. I wouldn't be especially comfortable being part of the wedding party with her, to be honest.

Please don't bring your poor husband into this by showing him photos of this woman and asking if he fancies her, though. He's done nothing wrong whatsoever and is probably bemused by the whole thing.

This woman is weird and up for causing drama. I would have no patience with her and I would shut her down. @over50andfab has more polite version of what I would say and I like her suggestion.

I agree - it’s about the drama and making it all about her, so keeping calm while shutting it down won’t feed into it and give her what she’s wanting.

Would also stop asking mutual friend about it other than to say it’s inappropriate, and you’ll have a quiet chat when you meet the girl.

Something else I forgot to say. My friend told me, apparently she always sees my husband driving around, and frantically waves at him ( her words apparently ) but he always ignores her. I find this hard to believe as he usually leaves for work in the dark and gets home in the dark with little to no traffic around. I’m sure he’d notice a crazy woman waving at him all the time.

You said OP that you don't know this woman.
But your DH has supposedly met her on occasions when she was with your friend. And she goes and takes photos of him when he is working and waves at him when he is driving around.
Do you think there is a chance your DH is more friendly with her than he is leading you to believe and she is deliberately trying to taunt you with the photo because of this?

Very very weird. I’d definitely try to steer clear! Your husband should block her. If he doesn’t want to or doesn’t then there’s something more to it…

He didn’t even recognize her when I showed him a photo of her ( on my friends page, I’m not friends with her on social media ). I only know he’d met her cuz my friend mentioned she had seen him and she was with the other woman.

This woman was completely out of order. But none of it was your husband’s fault. It wasn’t right to ask him if he finds her attractive, it makes you look very insecure.

Sorry OP I'm really not trying to cause you any upset here because you obviously trust your DH. But he would say he didn't know her if there was something between him and her wouldn't he?
The whole thing is very bizarre. She must have serious MH problems making a play for him.in such an obvious way.

Block her and refuse to meet her. Just a very silly little drama queen IMHO.

Why is your mutual friend (the bride) friends with this much younger woman who is openly displaying inappropriate behaviour?

It's making me wonder if she has stirred the pot and said something along the lines of 'You havent met my other maid of honour yet, her husband is gorgeous, I don't think they have a good marriage' or something equally horrible.

Something has ignited this younger woman's interest.

I’m not actually sure how they met. I’d heard her name here and there before but nothing more. Maybe through their children, as I think they have kids similar ages. My actual friend is a little bit flirty with my husband when she’s had a drink, and definitely when her future husband isn’t around, but my husband just ignores it ( probably loves the ego boost again ).