Why do they do it

[Devastated9991]

Yesterday I caught my partner actively trying to arrange a meet with another woman to cheat on me. He didn’t go through with it but it’s just as bad In my eyes.

words can’t describe how I feel at the moment. Flitting between sad, angry, frustrated among other emotions. Questioning why he’s done this!

thrown away everything we have achieved together and worked hard for. Just thrown away like it was nothing, like I’m nothing. All for the prospect of a 3 minute cheap thrill. We had plans for this year and was planning on getting engaged because he claimed I’m the love of his life. I’m thankful that I’ve seen his true colours at this point.

i feel sick.

im not questioning my worth because I know am worth so much more than this but it doesn’t stop it hurting nonetheless..

not sure what am wanting to gain from this but I need an outlet.

He will be leaving. None together thankfully.

just don’t understand why he’s done this

How old is he? Who is the woman, someone he knows? I think quite a lot of men take opportunities that present themselves on a plate, but far fewer actively create something out of nothing. Either way, it’s a real shame.

We are both 33

its from a random hook up site he had left himself logged into and I was reading in real time. He said he was asleep as he was working out of town.

I know I’m enough, more than enough and that I’m an amazing woman and partner. Does make you question your worth a little though.

just don’t understand why you would go to these lengths to just obliterate it. What a waste of time

I'm sorry Hun - thinking about cheating is as bad as doing the deed. Why is he doing his? Does he want out of your relationship? You need to have a serious discussion, but be prepared for some answers that may be difficult for you to hear. You also need to prepare for a separation.

I'm not an advocate of LTB as the first response, but you do need to prepare to leave. Good luck, let us know how you get on darling. Sending you love & support.

it’s too easy now.

Because they’re pathetic cunts who think the grass is greener and they won’t get found out.

Because they can. Because they want to. Because they're never going to be the vulnerable party who is pregnant or dependant for a time maybe?because they want our but they can’t say it? I don’t know. Because they think they’ll get away with it but ultimately… in my opinion, ultimately because they don’t place enough value, or don’t realise they value what they could and should lose if they do so.

The majority of men lie, the majority are selfish and sex obsessed, they don't actually respect women but they want to use them for all manner of things.

The majority of men are not worth your time or attention op.

It isn't you, it's them, they have some innate defective qualities.

how could I ever trust him again.
I don’t want that type of relationship.

a massive kick in the teeth. Felt ill all day. I’m devastated. He played his part perfectly, I thought he could do no wrong and that I could trust him.

mask has slipped for sure

that is it for me now.

he says he loves me and wants to make it work and work on our relationship. Says he doesn’t want to leave but what other choice has he given me?

im not signing up to worrying myself sick when he’s out of town because he’s clearly untrustworthy

makes me wonder if this is the first time or not . Wondering if he’s had sex in our family car whilst he’s been away. I’m sickened.

Because a vast majority of them are fucking morons babe, lead through life by their mediocre little penises. That's why they turn into such grumpy old bastards, once the pecker stops working they've got fuck all.

Onwards and upwards, you will always be better than someone who lets major life decisions be made by any organ other than their brain.

Get an STD test.

I think this is a rather sweeping statement.

The majority of men are hardworking lovely partners, sensitive to their partner's sexual needs and excellent fathers. It's just that on MN we hear about the ones that are less than perfect (& downright abusive) because their partners are having issues. This can skew people's opinions of men in general. No-one starts a post saying 'My partner is a hardworking, supportive person who does more than his fare share of domestic and childcare duties'

More lies from him, they will lie to your face to get what they want, of course he doesn't want to leave, he had a nice set up with you there at home, keeping it clean, likely providing meals and childcare, sharing the costs, all while he's been out fucking any thing that agrees to.

You can't trust him, anything he says now is designed to manipulate you, he doesn't care about what he's done to you he just wants things to stay cushy for HIMSELF, it's all about making HIS life as comfy as possible.

What are the chances you caught him the first time he tried to cheat?

Come on, he's been doing it successfully for a long time, long enough to get lax about keeping it hidden from you, that's how long.

Kick him out and never let him darken your door again.

I disagree, I think the majority are lazy, sexist, misogynistic, entitled partners and poor, uninterested emotionally immature parents.

Even the awful examples on here have their partners claiming " he's a good dad, he does his fait share" followed by very clear examples of how lacking and even abusive their partners are, it's a joke.
Even in their incompetence they are overly defended, it's bemusing and needs to stop. We need to be honest about how awful lots of men are.

You are entirely entitled to your opinion though.

You don’t need to spend time analysing ‘why’. You deserve better, so throw this one back in.

Could not agree more TomatoSandwiches

I feel for you, you have obviously had difficult relationships and I am sorry for that. I have had 3 marriages & a <very abusive short lived> partnership.

My 2nd XH was, frankly a wnk*r - I divorced him, but I lost out financially in the process.

I can honestly say that both my 1st and 3rd husbands have been brilliant. My 3rd DH & me have been married for nearly 3 years. He's retired, I work 3 days a week. He does 95% of the cooking, 99% of the laundry (including ironing) & about 70% of the cleaning - he doesn't notice dust & cobwebs & forgets to clean the loo every day, but no-one is perfect. He's the best lover that I've ever had prioritising my orgasm over his. He tells me how much he loves me & how lucky he feels that he is to have me as his DW several times a day. He also sends me flowers regularly (my DS calls him 'Mr Flowers'). But maybe I'm in a lucky minority - I think not as I have several friends who's husbands/partners are similar.

Because a lot of men are disgusting creeps who deserve to end their days sad, lonely old men.
Im sorry this has happened to you, but glad you aren’t deeply tied to him with children etc. It’s also good that you sound empowered and know your worth. Get rid of the cheap nasty rubbish. Animals men like him don’t change.

Unfortunately, many women choose their men for all the wrong reasons. Is he ‘fit’, is he romantic, does he treat me like a princess 🤑, does he earn well, is he masculine and protective, etc. Then they’re surprised that their good looking airhead wants sex with other women.

I would tell him to write why he is planning to cheat.

Good for you hun, very smug. How is this helping the OP exactly, apart from trying to make her feel worse about her situation?
Your DH might be lovely, but you sound like one of those women.

So you've had a grand total of two good experiences with men and have decided that absolves all the dickheads? What a remarkably narrow, blinkered view.

I've literally never had a bad relationship, am an endless romantic and optimist, but I've got fucking eyes, ears and a brain between said ears. Plenty enough to see that the "majority" of men are absolutely not "hardworking lovely partners, sensitive to their partner's sexual needs and excellent fathers".

Yep. And not sure how someone who has racked up 3 husbands and an abusive partner is the bastion of all knowledge on the entire male species.

Surely if hers was a sweeping statement, yours is too!