Why do they do it

[Devastated9991]

Yesterday I caught my partner actively trying to arrange a meet with another woman to cheat on me. He didn’t go through with it but it’s just as bad In my eyes.

words can’t describe how I feel at the moment. Flitting between sad, angry, frustrated among other emotions. Questioning why he’s done this!

thrown away everything we have achieved together and worked hard for. Just thrown away like it was nothing, like I’m nothing. All for the prospect of a 3 minute cheap thrill. We had plans for this year and was planning on getting engaged because he claimed I’m the love of his life. I’m thankful that I’ve seen his true colours at this point.

i feel sick.

im not questioning my worth because I know am worth so much more than this but it doesn’t stop it hurting nonetheless..

not sure what am wanting to gain from this but I need an outlet.

Thank goodness you know now
how long have you been with him?

I so agree with @TomatoSandwiches sadly. Men will do what they can get away with, and if more had the resources (good looks, money), even more would behave badly.

Those that disagree - you just haven't noticed and your partner is getting away with what they can...

I've got such a dismal view of men. Sorry.

Sorry op - I recently had a bit of a thing with a man who has a partner like you. Maybe it's the same guy. Obviously he didn't tell me he had a partner but he reached the limit of 'what he could get away with' and eventually came clean, saying he'd still be up for cheating on her though. This was a man who everyone described as 'absolutely lovely'.

He'll stay with her - as I assume yours wants to stay with you - and just continue to be a dick and push boundaries and behave badly within the realms of what he can get away with.

You'll never trust him again of course but I'm not sure there are many that are better.

I was single for about 4 years prior to this and was certain I’d vetted him enough to let my guard down and let him in. And he was doing amazing until this. I think I’m still in shock I never ever expected it. He tells me daily how much he loves me and promises it’s forever and can’t wait to make me his wife and fully blend our families by coming off contriception later this year to try for a baby (thank foooooook I know now)

hes lost his home, his step children, his partner. All we have worked for and achieved in the blink of an eye.

another lesson learned. One man’s trash is another’s treasure but can I really be arsed going through this all over again!!

Ps. The cars getting sold 🤢

@NotthinglikeaBondGirl I've only had sex with 3 men, engaged twice, married once, still married.

I have eyes and ears, I've seen ALL the women in my life except 1 long term couple have to deal with appalling men.
I'm talking about the types of men from having to live as a child in a women's refuge with my mother and sister, escaping DV types of abuse to the men that just use women to facilitate their own lives, have children to keep the woman under his control, the " benign " types that don't physically abuse but put every single thing in her path to deny her a decent life she deserves, to keep her making his life comfortable, to the men that just lie to the woman in their life, lie about every and anything because they don't even like her, she's just a vagina that cleans the home and cooks for him and he can keep her sweet with a few words now and then.

Most men are self serving entitled creatures that use women and their energy, they suck the life from them for their own gain and resent women who refuse to put up with it, most feel entitled to women and the work they do, I've seen this my whole life, all the time, in nearly all the men I've encountered to somw degree they are nearly all like this, a scourge to women.

Not all, but most.

OP I'm really sorry - you sound like a strong & capable woman and deserve so much better. This arse was just a better bluffer than most,.you did well.to.find him out early.

Don't doubt yourself.for one minute over him, get your mates round, have a big cry, grieve the man you thought he was and lick your wounds but THANK THE LORD and drink a toast that you didn't have a child with this dirty rat.

It's going to hurt but you know you can't accept.this. Stay solid.

He did it because he thought he'd get away with it Op, and you'd never find out so it wouldn't matter. Be glad you found him out now before you got married

Nasty!

Maybe it’s good to know that there is the possibility of a good partnership out there?

Nah, let’s just further the usual MN men-hating…

As you were.

I stand by my comment. The poster @NotthinglikeaBondGirl was NOT reassuring the OP that there were better men out there for HER, she was bragging about her OWN situation in a very smug way, which is like kicking someone when they are down IMO.

Sex is obviously the answer but it’s still baffling- I mean, it’s just so basic for men: cum and done. No multiple orgasms, or anything that you might think would make it worth risking everything. The glow doesn’t even last once they’ve spent their load.

Personally I always ruled out the ones with dc - they’ve already fucked up one relationship (of course the ex is crazy though and he was entirely innocent), and they need childcare and a new skivvy urgently. Half the fairytales are warnings about the problems of marrying women for these reasons but bloody Disney twisted them into princess envy tales.

Get an std check booked op. Just because he didn’t this time doesn’t mean he hasn’t and your sexual health is far too important to trust his word.

I'm sorry OP, what a douchebag. Don't beat yourself up, asking "why"? More often than not, you'll never know. And, it doesn't really matter. Toss him back.

You've had such a narrow escape. If he can behave like this when you are happy together, god knows what he'd be like if you went through a difficult time together. I'm so sorry, OP. You must feel awful.

Mine did this. We were together for 10 years and he signed up to Fabswingers, naked pix the lot. He met up with a woman for an initial chat and arranged to meet her for sex a few days later. I knew immediately something was up and went through his phone that night, found all the messages. That was it. Game over. I threw him out. It was about 3 weeks ago. I know exactly how you feel. It's a huge shock, you question if you ever really knew them. To me, I knew I would never trust him again and I felt he showed a total disrespect to me and to our relationship, as your partner has. I got some amazing advice on here, people really helped me. You have done the right thing in ending it. You would never, ever trust him again. Every time his phone pinged you'd wonder. I am baffled as to why they risk losing a - in my case I thought it was happy - relationship, a whole life together for the sake of sex with a stranger. It would almost have been less painful if he'd met someone else and fallen in love. But to actively look for a cheap thrill with a complete stranger, words fail me.

Yes it was fab swingers with him too. Makes me laugh how he thought he was so slick!

the mind boggles.

well tonight I’m putting my glad rags on and painting the town red!

thanks for all your love and supportive words it means a lot xxx

Hope you are ok. I am still recovering from mine as it was 10 years but we deserve much better I do know that. And mine was 58 - how in the world he thinks he’s got the pick of it at that!! They are deluded f**ckers! I wish you the best x (I have been out tonight with girlfriends and may be a bit plastered so excuse my language!)