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Original poster

Was I wrong?

51 replies

amyjoe · 30/01/2025 14:42

I briefly dated a guy and ended things yesterday. For the last month of our relationship I hated the way he spoke to me ( we only dated 5 months). The other day we had an argument because according to him I wasn't submissive and I also don't know how to talk to a man. I ended up walking out of the room and he took that as me being disrespectful. I don't like arguing so i felt it was best to walk away. He called me a bitch and at that point I knew it was over. At that point I had nothing else to say so I went back into my bedroom. He followed me continuing to yell at me. I told him there was nothing left to say and I pulled out my phone. He snatched my phone out of my hand and left the room. I was willing to let him keep my phone because I was getting angry by this point. But I got up after a couple minutes to get it back. We ended up tussling OVER MY PHONE. He would not give it back no matter how many times I asked for it back. I'm pissed off so I go back into my bedroom. How can you take my phone and fight me for it. This went on for about 45 minutes. He eventually gave me my phone back and said ( I could have given it back to you earlier, but you have some nerve thinking you can use overpower me and I'm a man. I could have knocked your teeth out). The only reason I went back and forth with him was because I wanted my phone back. Was I wrong?

OP posts:
SleeplessInWherever · 30/01/2025 14:44

No. That man is an abusive, sexist nutjob.

If he’s still in the same property as you, it’s time for him to leave.

Original poster
amyjoe · 30/01/2025 14:45

SleeplessInWherever · 30/01/2025 14:44

No. That man is an abusive, sexist nutjob.

If he’s still in the same property as you, it’s time for him to leave.

I have put him out he's no longer here.

OP posts:
OnePotatoTwoPotatoThree · 30/01/2025 14:46

You did the right thing by ending it!

2025ohdear · 30/01/2025 14:47

What a horrendous man. Well done you getting rid. Keep your bar high!

Weyohweyoh · 30/01/2025 14:50

Lucky escape, don’t look back.

Yankeescot · 30/01/2025 14:51

Please block that horrible, abusive man on every channel! I'd file a police report if I were you!

LeoLibra18 · 30/01/2025 14:51

Depending on your dynamic, did you intend for this relationship to turn into Dom/Sub or has this come out of the blue?
If this has come out of the blue, I'd report it to the police. Even if there is no convictions or anything, that log will still be there, so if anyone requests a Claire's law they will be informed he acted this way. If you have discussed the dynamic above and have mentioned to be interested in this sort of relationship, I would leave. A dominant person would earn respect and implement it into the relationship safely to benefit both parties. Demanding respect is dangerous and can not be tolerated within the dynamic. A dominant person would never "tussle" over your belongings. That's just control in a violent way.

Either way, he's not the one.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 30/01/2025 14:52

These men are insane. Thank god you’ve got rid instead of dragging it on.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 30/01/2025 14:55

LeoLibra18 · 30/01/2025 14:51

Depending on your dynamic, did you intend for this relationship to turn into Dom/Sub or has this come out of the blue?
If this has come out of the blue, I'd report it to the police. Even if there is no convictions or anything, that log will still be there, so if anyone requests a Claire's law they will be informed he acted this way. If you have discussed the dynamic above and have mentioned to be interested in this sort of relationship, I would leave. A dominant person would earn respect and implement it into the relationship safely to benefit both parties. Demanding respect is dangerous and can not be tolerated within the dynamic. A dominant person would never "tussle" over your belongings. That's just control in a violent way.

Either way, he's not the one.

Sorry, edited because I didn’t read the quoted message properly. Still don’t think even a ‘consensual’ dom-sub relationship is something any woman should be entering though!

OP, well done for ending it. He’s dangerous so please don’t ever think about taking him back.

Original poster
amyjoe · 30/01/2025 15:05

LeoLibra18 · 30/01/2025 14:51

Depending on your dynamic, did you intend for this relationship to turn into Dom/Sub or has this come out of the blue?
If this has come out of the blue, I'd report it to the police. Even if there is no convictions or anything, that log will still be there, so if anyone requests a Claire's law they will be informed he acted this way. If you have discussed the dynamic above and have mentioned to be interested in this sort of relationship, I would leave. A dominant person would earn respect and implement it into the relationship safely to benefit both parties. Demanding respect is dangerous and can not be tolerated within the dynamic. A dominant person would never "tussle" over your belongings. That's just control in a violent way.

Either way, he's not the one.

No that was not what I wanted at all.

OP posts:
MollyButton · 30/01/2025 15:29

He sounds terrifying.

You did nothing wrong, except maybe not get rid of quickly enough.

Take some time to recover. Report to police if he continues.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 30/01/2025 16:14

I hope he didn't fucking live with you!

Original poster
amyjoe · 30/01/2025 18:17

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 30/01/2025 16:14

I hope he didn't fucking live with you!

Absolutely not

OP posts:
LeoLibra18 · 30/01/2025 19:36

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 30/01/2025 14:55

Sorry, edited because I didn’t read the quoted message properly. Still don’t think even a ‘consensual’ dom-sub relationship is something any woman should be entering though!

OP, well done for ending it. He’s dangerous so please don’t ever think about taking him back.

Edited
Show quote history

Don't knock it till you try it 😉

Obviously with consent, but again, you have to want it, once they start throwing fits and being mean and forceful because they can't get you to submit. Game over, they dont deserve the privilege

CluelessAboutBiology · 30/01/2025 19:42

@amyjoe Does he have a key? Even if you didn’t actually give him a key if his own, think if there were any occasions he had the opportunity to take a key and get a copy cut.

perfectcolourfound · 30/01/2025 19:50

Any man who expects you to be submissive / who likes to wield his greater physical strength over you / who thinks he deserves respect just because he has a penis is going to make a lousy bf / partner / husband / dad.

You've done the right thing. Don't question yourself. Only stick around with a man if he makes your life better (and the same goes the other way ofcourse), sees and treats you as his respected equal, speaks respectfully and with kindness.

The ones who think you should be grateful the exist / deserve your respect (even when they're a nob) / think you should submit to them / think they're in charge just because they're a man - interestingly they're always the ones least deserving of respect and the worst ones at relationships.

SnugCoralFinch · 30/01/2025 19:57

You can’t genuinely think ending that was wrong?

Original poster
amyjoe · 31/01/2025 00:11

CluelessAboutBiology · 30/01/2025 19:42

@amyjoe Does he have a key? Even if you didn’t actually give him a key if his own, think if there were any occasions he had the opportunity to take a key and get a copy cut.

No I never gave him a key and I don't think he could have copied the one I use.

OP posts:
Original poster
amyjoe · 31/01/2025 00:14

SnugCoralFinch · 30/01/2025 19:57

You can’t genuinely think ending that was wrong?

Maybe I worded the question wrong. I know it was best to leave I'm asking if I was wrong in my trying to take my phone back. Causing us to tussle over it. I just wanted what was mine but he felt like I should've never tried to get it back.

OP posts:
CharlotteSometimes1 · 31/01/2025 00:15

He said you don’t know how to talk to a man? Like they need some kind of special treatment! No, goodbye, he’s a dinosaur.

trythisforsize · 31/01/2025 00:24

I got stuck with a man exactly like this during Covid and trust me, it gets worse.

Don't question any of your own actions. You were forced into a fucking ridiculous situation by a dangerous man.

Just be glad it's over and you escaped a worse fate.

Windowsand · 31/01/2025 00:43

I would report him for assault.
You are not the first and won't be the last that he assaults.

You do not have to make a statement but you can tell the police that you would like a note of it if his name ever comes up again.

He sounds unhinged and potentially dangerous.

Italiangreyhound · 31/01/2025 00:46

He is a complete wanker. you are well rid.

Lurkingonmn · 03/02/2025 17:46

You weren't wrong but you could've risked your safety in doing so. Did you have a landline accessible- for telling him to leave and leave your phone or you will call xyz? Neighbours nearby who you could've gone to? It sounds like he is a very aggressive, domineering man. I would consider reporting it to the police. I doubt this is the first time he has treated a woman like that. It's disgusting.

I hope you are safe and not to shaken by the experience.

TicklishMintDuck · 03/02/2025 17:50

get out while you can!