Was I wrong?

[amyjoe]

I briefly dated a guy and ended things yesterday. For the last month of our relationship I hated the way he spoke to me ( we only dated 5 months). The other day we had an argument because according to him I wasn't submissive and I also don't know how to talk to a man. I ended up walking out of the room and he took that as me being disrespectful. I don't like arguing so i felt it was best to walk away. He called me a bitch and at that point I knew it was over. At that point I had nothing else to say so I went back into my bedroom. He followed me continuing to yell at me. I told him there was nothing left to say and I pulled out my phone. He snatched my phone out of my hand and left the room. I was willing to let him keep my phone because I was getting angry by this point. But I got up after a couple minutes to get it back. We ended up tussling OVER MY PHONE. He would not give it back no matter how many times I asked for it back. I'm pissed off so I go back into my bedroom. How can you take my phone and fight me for it. This went on for about 45 minutes. He eventually gave me my phone back and said ( I could have given it back to you earlier, but you have some nerve thinking you can use overpower me and I'm a man. I could have knocked your teeth out). The only reason I went back and forth with him was because I wanted my phone back. Was I wrong?

He seems like a sexist abuser!! I am so glad you put him out. For your safety I would report this to the police and change the locks too just incase he has copied your key. Block him on everything and move on.

You are not wrong.

He shouldn't have taken your phone. It’s your phone - you own it, not him!

No you weren’t wrong to want to have what is yours back.

However, seen his reaction and his comment afterwards, I think you took a risk in endangering yourself there. You couldn’t have known that though.

That would be just the start - so glad you have ended it - make sure you keep it ended! He will try to weedle his way back - they always do - stay strong

I would have told him to keep it, it’s a small price to pay to get the loser out of your life. That comment alone would have made him feel like he’s nothing to you. Well done for getting rid of him, what a complete loser. You deserve better. Him saying he could have knocked your teeth out, that thought should never even cross a real man’s mind..you’re well rid of him

Like many PP's I'd report this to the police. He sounds absolutely awful.

He has no right to take your phone or to engage in any kind of physical fight when he put tried to take it back. This is seriously abusive. Please run, block him, change your locks and let all your friends (especially your males friends)know what he did. I think this is a lucky escape!

Yikes this was just the start, he will probably love bomb you soon. Do not go back! He will not get better, he will not be sorry, it will get worse and worse. And honestly he has already managed to manipulate you if you could possibly question if you where wrong to try and get your phone back - he and only he was in the wrong. Stay safe.

I don't understand. Why didn't you ask him to leave? I assume you weren't living together.

He was abusive and you were absolutely right to end it.

You weren't wrong in an ethical sense but it might not have been wise from a safety perspective. Going to your neighbour and asking them to let you call the police would have given you more physical safety.

OP you absolutely are not in the wrong glad you have got rid of him if he texts, rings leaves voicemails keep them all for evidence and if he turns up please call the police he is an abuser

according to him I wasn't submissive and I also don't know how to talk to a man.

WTF

I ended up walking out of the room and he took that as me being disrespectful.

WTF

He called me a bitch

WTF

He followed me continuing to yell at me.

WTF

He snatched my phone out of my hand and left the room.

WTFF

He would not give it back no matter how many times I asked

WTFFF

He said I could have given it back to you earlier, but you have some nerve thinking you can use overpower me and I'm a man

He’s a psycho is what he is.

I would report him to police quoting Claire's Law. Even if not charging him, I would want his abuse on record.

Wouldn't even give it a thought. You were right in all regards. Well done you for throwing the trash out!

Your takeaway from all of this is whether you were wrong over your phone ?

You need to report this to the police. He assaulted you.

Once you ended things he should have left immediately but instead he held you hostage in your own home by holding onto your phone.

He needs a restraining order.

I think if you ever find yourself in this position again then no, it’s never a good idea I think to get into a physical tussle with a man, it cannot end well. As it was your home I would have insisted he leave immediately and stated if he took my phone with him when he left I would be calling the police to report the theft.
if he refused to leave, I would have left. I would then go to a neighbour or wherever to call the police to say he had stolen my phone and refused to leave my home.

Oh God, he sounds like one of these insecure, inferior, Andrew Tate fan boys, I thought they were all 15 year olds, but obviously not. You absolutely did the right thing,, he's clearly too thick to understand how relationships work and that most women aren't interested in being some dipshits submissive little skivvy, no matter what self proclaimed 'alpha males' tell him.

The fact that you're questioning yourself and tolerated him treating you that way speaks volumes. He's is a nasty narcissistic chauvinist pig and he treated you like that because he could. Good riddance. But you seriously need to get some counselling to work on self esteem and it is possible to get better at handling difficult situations. Avoidance of conflict/confrontation is rooted in an inability to deal with disagreements, but these are part of life so it's better to try and work on that for your own self care.

If he had your phone for 45 minutes, I’d be worried he’s put software on it. I’d be factory resetting the phone And getting a new sim

No. This man is a complete dick, and an abusive one at that. He wants a meek and mild woman, who agrees with him on everything and does what he wants. He disregards your feelings, opinions and needs, because he believes his are more important than yours. Thank your lucky stars you have ended the relationship. Block this man, don't engage and never ever go back to him. He's a walking red flag.

I would report him to the police. He assaulted you. I hope he didn't have a key. If he did change the locks.

Dear christ 5 months in and he's behaving like this ! Girl you had a lucky escape that man is dangerous

Sounds to me like you have had the luckiest of escapes this guy has more 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 than exist across the world!

I can't believe you need to ask if you were wrong in trying to get YOUR phone back??
Of course, you were not! He shouldn't have never taken your phone from you and he is an absolutely horrendous person for saying/doing the things you have just described.

I feel for your safety. I hope you are ok and you never encounter him again. Take care!

Hun, the reason you are asking if you are wrong is because he has managed to make you doubt yourself. Now stop gaslighting yourself into thinking that perhaps it not so horrendous and stop all contact.

He is physically, mentally and verbally abusive. Run.