He makes me feel like I’m crazy!!!!!

[Letmeexplain1]

Hi everyone…I really really need some help from impartial sources as I am being made to feel as if i am crazy. This is going to be a long one.

I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years now, we don’t live together, but we don’t live far away from each other. I have one child, he has one also from previous marriages.

He is the sort of man with old fashion views of been very family orientated, he’s a ‘provider’ and prides himself on providing for his family
And being the man of the house. All of which I do look for in a man as I quite like the old fashioned view when it comes to families. But not to the extent he goes too and is slowly getting worse.

From the get go he would always comment on the clothes I wear, has a problem with me wearing gym leggings, or if there is a tiny bit of cleavage out. I am in my late 30’s and like to think I am trendy and fashionable but all I seem to get off him is ‘one day you’ll stop dressing like a teenager’ or can you go put a top on underneath that cardigan’ even if I’m not leaving the house he will still look at me in some sort of disgust. I have told him time and time again that I will always wear what I want to wear end of….but I have noticed that I do now cover up a lot more with baggy clothes just to avoid the agro or the looks from him.

If I want to go and see a friend for a few hours, he’ll never tell me I can’t but his energy will completely change and his face will change and he’ll ask me how long I’ll be, or ‘why can’t we all go’ ‘you never ask me if I want to come along’ ‘we should be doing things as a family’ when sometimes I just want to go and see my friends for a catch up by myself! Or if I go on a rare night out with my friends I just cannot relax because he’s either messaging me whilst I am out, or on the days leading up to me going out he’s asking me what I’m wearing, asking if I’ll want picking up, saying ‘nothing good happens after 12am’

When we do go out for meals with family or friends he tells me to ‘ssshhh’ that I’m being too loud and other people on other tables can hear me. If I’m just at home in a good mood saying silly things or joking about I’ll get him shaking his head at me saying I act like a ‘boy’ with my ‘boy humour’
I’m a bubbly person I just like to have a laugh and don’t take things too seriously but I feel as if slowly I’m changing into this person that he wants me to be which is a quiet little house wife with no personality!

I can’t even post a nice selfie on my
Facebook story because all I get is ‘ you look for validation from other people on the internet’ so I just don’t bother anymore because I know I’ll get a shitty message from
Him.

When I pull him up on these and tell him how all of these constant comments make me feel…and I mean it is constant picking and getting at me all the time. He will somehow twist things so cleverly and turn it all around and say it’s my hormones, I’ve ‘turned again’ that nothings even happened, I’m over reacting. When I know that these things are not normal. He’ll say I’m trying to make him out to be manipulative and someone that he’s not. Then I’m left questioning myself thinking is it me? Am I the problem? Am I over reacting? When I know deep down that it’s not me it’s him!!!

There is so much more I could write but I’d be here for days.

He doesn't want you to work because he wants to trap you at home, isolate you from your friends and family and control everything. It'll be your food next. You really are in the best position right now as you don't live together and have no children to tie you. It's a case of just ending it. It has to end. Otherwise this WILL escalate. I agree with PP about a Clare's Law request.

@Letmeexplain1 he is crushing your spirit and restricting you in so many ways. These are not traditional values it’s controlling and abusive. You have already altered your behaviour, the way you dress, how you interact with the world to avoid repercussions, this is not normal.

The fact you are questioning whether or not you’re imagining these things shows just how much control he has over you. We can all clearly see this is toxic and not a person you should be in a relationship with but he’s clearly eroded your sense of self over the last three years so much so that you no longer trust your own judgement.

End this relationship, it will not improve, he will likely become worse over time and you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Get out now while you aren’t tied together through children/property/finances and then spend some time focusing on yourself and rebuilding your confidence.

RUN.

OP you said in your first post that you could write for days about the stuff he does. Please do that now, here. Then you will have something to look back on in the future when you wobble, and you’ll be able to thank your lucky stars at your escape.

Go on, what else has this prince of a man said?

The amount of red flags in your post is astonishing... RUN!

OP, you know what this is.

He’s controlling as fuck and is escalating it in order to isolate you entirely. This is really worrying.

Leave and protect your child.

OP, this is a really easy one, get rid of him.

I'm very confused - how does he have so much control/say over your work and life when you don't even live together? Is he paying towards your living expenses?

He's controlling and awful - run as fast as you can.

So why are you still with him? Why are you allowing your daughter to see you mistreated like this?

If you don't live together how does he know when you go out and see friends? Have you thought of going out with friends whenever you want and not telling him? If you are worried how he will react if he finds out you are in a very controlling relationship, I'm surprised he hasn't tried to move in with you.
I've had relationships where I've never lived with the BF, I would go out when I wanted, see the BF once or twice a week and may mention if I went out, a normal, caring man would say, 'that sounds fun'.
He sounds like 'the jailer' from 'Why does he do that' and I've not read it.

He is a controlling abusive arsehole. Why on earth would you put up with this? This is a terrible example to set your child

You are only confused because you are explaining away abusive behaviour that you KNOW means you should end it. Why do you want to stay with him? He will only ever get worse than this, never better.

Your child does not deserve this man in their life. If a boy, he will grow up tinking this is the way to treat women - as objects to be possessed and controlled. And if she is a girl, she will grow up thinking that this sort of abusive behaviour is love.

If you wont do it for yourself - is this the relationship example you want to set for your child?

He's not "traditional" - he's happy to have sex before marriage - he's controlling.

He's controlling. He's trying to isolate you from friends, family, work colleagues. He wants to own you and be the boss of you, telling you what you can do and what you can/can't wear.

He's not a good man. Thank fuck he doesn't live with you because he'd be an awful example to your child of what relationship should look like. There's a chance he'd start trying to control your child in time, if you co-habited.

Please look again at what you've written OP, and what we're all trying to tell you. Get rid of him now before he wears you down further. You're already starting to acquiesce to his demands, by wearing baggy clothing. It needs to stop right now.

@Letmeexplain1 What makes him think he gets to dictate what you do with your life?

And, more to the point and in the kindest possible way - why on Earth are you letting him do it?