Hi everyone…I really really need some help from impartial sources as I am being made to feel as if i am crazy. This is going to be a long one.
I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years now, we don’t live together, but we don’t live far away from each other. I have one child, he has one also from previous marriages.
He is the sort of man with old fashion views of been very family orientated, he’s a ‘provider’ and prides himself on providing for his family
And being the man of the house. All of which I do look for in a man as I quite like the old fashioned view when it comes to families. But not to the extent he goes too and is slowly getting worse.
From the get go he would always comment on the clothes I wear, has a problem with me wearing gym leggings, or if there is a tiny bit of cleavage out. I am in my late 30’s and like to think I am trendy and fashionable but all I seem to get off him is ‘one day you’ll stop dressing like a teenager’ or can you go put a top on underneath that cardigan’ even if I’m not leaving the house he will still look at me in some sort of disgust. I have told him time and time again that I will always wear what I want to wear end of….but I have noticed that I do now cover up a lot more with baggy clothes just to avoid the agro or the looks from him.
If I want to go and see a friend for a few hours, he’ll never tell me I can’t but his energy will completely change and his face will change and he’ll ask me how long I’ll be, or ‘why can’t we all go’ ‘you never ask me if I want to come along’ ‘we should be doing things as a family’ when sometimes I just want to go and see my friends for a catch up by myself! Or if I go on a rare night out with my friends I just cannot relax because he’s either messaging me whilst I am out, or on the days leading up to me going out he’s asking me what I’m wearing, asking if I’ll want picking up, saying ‘nothing good happens after 12am’
When we do go out for meals with family or friends he tells me to ‘ssshhh’ that I’m being too loud and other people on other tables can hear me. If I’m just at home in a good mood saying silly things or joking about I’ll get him shaking his head at me saying I act like a ‘boy’ with my ‘boy humour’
I’m a bubbly person I just like to have a laugh and don’t take things too seriously but I feel as if slowly I’m changing into this person that he wants me to be which is a quiet little house wife with no personality!
I can’t even post a nice selfie on my
Facebook story because all I get is ‘ you look for validation from other people on the internet’ so I just don’t bother anymore because I know I’ll get a shitty message from
Him.
When I pull him up on these and tell him how all of these constant comments make me feel…and I mean it is constant picking and getting at me all the time. He will somehow twist things so cleverly and turn it all around and say it’s my hormones, I’ve ‘turned again’ that nothings even happened, I’m over reacting. When I know that these things are not normal. He’ll say I’m trying to make him out to be manipulative and someone that he’s not. Then I’m left questioning myself thinking is it me? Am I the problem? Am I over reacting? When I know deep down that it’s not me it’s him!!!
There is so much more I could write but I’d be here for days.