Child age 6 Gifted & Talented

[googlestarz]

Which setting is best?

State school? Private? Home education?

Struggling to know what's best..

Gifted, talented and possible Dysgraphia / social/ emotional issues..

Wonderful, curious, bright boy.. struggles with friendships and school exhausts him.. home Ed not enough social time..

It sounds like he's gifted in some ways and possibly struggling in others? So I think private would be good as the teachers would have the time to get to know him and challenge/support him as required.

With all due respect, you could send him to the “best” school in the world but it won’t do him any good if he needs support for potential ASD that he’s not getting. You’d be surprised how many educators do not have a good understanding of ASD. That would be my first port of call before worrying about the best school.

@NotaCoolMum do you mean ensuring the school has adequate SEN /ASD experience or senco?

@Talkwhilstyouwalk the privates nears us are no good.. also it's very constraining for us so it would need to be impeccable for us to consider

I'd prefer small state

My daughter is 137 on testing, she is dsylexic.
Absolutely exceptional in severly areas and very low in two.
Unless tested you would never know all the peripheral stuff.

I know a number of home educated kids with a profile similar to your son’s, including my teenager’s best friend. There are more social opportunities for HE children than most people imagine. In fact, the better opportunities outside of school were a key reason I started home ed for my first child, who was super sociable, and also a main reason they chose to resume home ed after a brief stint at school.

It’s also worth noting that for some kids, being surrounded by dozens of people all day is not a positive social experience. Many adults like me would choose a different atmosphere for themselves, and so would many kids. Seeing a few friends a few times a week may be plenty. You say your son seems happy but isn’t socialising: trust him. He knows what he needs. I wouldn’t enjoy being forced into more socialising than I wanted; in fact, I changed career to one which suited me better in this respect.

Also, friends don’t have to be of their own age. There is a lot to be gained from mixed-age friendships, which are common among home educated kids, who aren’t subject to the strict age segregation at schools.

I think you should stick with home ed if your son is happy. If ever he seems to be pining for friendship, cast your net wide. Try lots of things. Ask local home educators families for suggestions. In home ed and school alike, making friends takes persistence, experimentation, and luck.

@Saracen I agree keep him Home Ed if happy but I need to return to work and it's taking a toll being the main parent it all fulls on... I get very little time and although it's lovely and a privilege I do feel like he needs his own thing too, as do I... BUT it needs to be right, safe and inclusive.. I won't have him attend a setting unless I'm sure it's the right place..

It's so bloody hard :////

Labelling children as ‘gifted and talented’ is of no use whatsoever. They do not end up outperforming other kids in life, and often not school (lots of longitudinal research on this). If anything the label can be highly constraining, create all sorts of strange expectations.

@curious79 I agree.. I think it's alongside something else like autism , adhd or dyslexia

I agree a label isn't useful. But if you have a child who loves learning and being stretched then it is reasonable to treat that as a learning need.
Not to hothouse them or to coach them into "outperforming" others but because they will be happiest of they have plenty of opportunities to learn and be stretched.

Do your research about private school. You would likely have to fund any special interventions on top of regular fees.

You need to be very careful about getting proper support if he is dyslexic. I know it's tempting to nurture what he's good at, and shield him from what he struggles with, but this isn't the best plan long term (speaking as a parent of a dyslexic kid who's great at maths, and can memorise any facts from a documentary, but who really struggles with reading).

I think your expectations of school are unreasonable if you think all your local schools are no good, and you're looking for a school that is "impeccable". No school can meet all kids' needs all the time - there has to be an element of compromise in a group setting.

However, I think you are very likely to find a private school that will support some level of flexischooling if this is what you want, but they'd probably have to charge you full price for the place.

To be honest I'm less keen on private school - I only like the smaller class sizes so less overwhelm for son..

I would prefer a single entry state school.. but we have these a drive away and many are full.. I'm not keen on the school closest to us due to personal bad experience when I worked there..

We would have to move house..

I think this is true.
However my close friends daughter was assessed for dyslexia and was found not to be. Also assessed negatively separately for adhd.
She was found to be a genius, top two perscent into the country.

She is doing an art course as she is quite brilliant.
Struggling with anxiety, very anxious.
However the news she was a genius was a pleasant surprise as she certainly hasn't ever felt it.
She's such a great girl but goodness knows where she will end up as she is a foreign language and english whizz.
So many talents but so anxious and a real worry for her mum.

I disagree. For a twice exceptional child, the SEN can mask abilities. You can end up with a child who achieves average results and that is seen as acceptable with no intervention required. The truth might be a very stressed child with ASD, who is putting all of their energy into coping. Or a distracted child with ADHD, who is barely engaging because they are incredibly bored.

You need to know about the SEN, but also knowing about their abilities and bumpy profile really helps to adapt their learning.

IQ/WISC can be useful to understand child's needs.
Ours have been tested around 8 yo.
We didn't tell them the result at that time but much later but it helped us navigate their needs.
The school didn't need the information at 8 yo but we were aware of choosing a secondary school which matched the children.

THIS is an interesting point.
Age 12 going into an excellent secondary school she was assessed and it was specifically noted that she was exceptionally bright and would be highly at risk of being bored and therefore not engaging.

It wasn't until she was being assessed and her parents went to the school for her file that this came to light.

No one had told them and no action was taken to prevent her boredom.

She didn't open a book, but half listened in class which was enough for her to do exceptionally well....but she wouldn't apply for university...no interest.

Her father is the high functioning pedantic autistic that now in his 60's was never assessed, and my friend is a brilliant chemist undoubtedly adhd.

I honestly think when you go down the rabbit hole you realise that many of us have tick multiple boxes...both my husband and I do for sure and all 4 of our children do on various levels while all fortunately doing very well at school.

Educating yourself as a parent is key, we weren't early enough unfortunately because the symptoms were too obscure, but when you go looking and start joining all the dots youbwonder how the hell you could have so missed it🤦‍♀️

Okay, so home ed makes your son happy but you need and want to work and have some time away from him. From the fact you are considering private schools, I take it that money isn't super tight for you.

How about paying someone else to look after him while you work? For example, you could probably find a home educator who does childminding; that's a popular job since it allows people to earn while still being able to be with their own kids.

When my child was 5/6 I worked (though only part-time) and used several home educating CMs. It was a great arrangement for all of us. My child got to be in a home environment and see other children often and go to home ed groups, I was able to have some time alone and do a job I loved, and the CMs had some income coming in and a playmate for their kids.

Or some people use nannies, which might better suit your child if he prefers to be in his own home and doesn't enjoy having other children around all the time.

It's just another form of private education, which may compare favourably in financial terms with the cost of a private school plus whatever wraparound and holiday childcare you'd be paying for in that situation.

Sounds abnormal tbh ... school exhausts him at six. I've known Oxford grads who can't get a job and kuds with few qualifications who are super social and have great jobs. Concentrate on what matters.

What an insightful post.

Do you have experience parenting a Twice Exceptional child who is both highly intelligent but also dealing with the challenges disability brings?

What tid bits of advice can you actually offer OP related to her actual question?
-None I suspect.

Oh what helpful advice.

The world needs a mix of people with different weaknesses and strengths.

I know plenty of super bright but socially awkward people who absolutely thrive in their careers.