Child age 6 Gifted & Talented

[googlestarz]

Which setting is best?

State school? Private? Home education?

Struggling to know what's best..

Gifted, talented and possible Dysgraphia / social/ emotional issues..

Wonderful, curious, bright boy.. struggles with friendships and school exhausts him.. home Ed not enough social time..

@surreygirl1987 we're on the pathway via nhs for ASD assessment.. also thinking we should go private for that.. although I was informed nhs is gold standard diagnosis though and not private..? Yes they do sound very similar.. trouble is the private schools where we are situated aren't great. They do have an inclusive feel, neither ready to adapt.. it's great you found a good setting. Is it a smaller private school? He needs a nurturing environment.

He hasn't had any assessment just yet..

Very good at maths and reading, hates writing.. can hold conversations with adults, using language that is beyond his years in correct context.. very curious and asks incredible questions (that I have to google)

His maturity is beyond his peer group so he struggles to connect and make friends.

I would choose a school that is not too far from home.
I would choose a smaller state or Catholic school so he has friends but is not lost in the crowd. He might thrive in a nature or out door school or a Montessori school.
I would strongly support him doing his homework daily.
I would also enrol him in Scouts locally.
A Sunday School or church locally offers interaction with a range of age groups.
Engage him in a sport.

Make sure travel is not tiring him out and that he has more avenues for social contact than school it self. Assist him in following school rules and commitments.
Direct his energies to actual learning skills and socialising rather than coping with long commutes and butting heads with rules.

What setting is he in now?

I have 2 DC who I guess you could call G&T though their school doesn’t hold any kind of register. DD got all 9’s in her GCSE’s (DS similar). They both attended a state school, lucky to live in catchment for an outstanding primary & secondary. Managing relationships with peers is vital in the future, and as you say he needs some help with this i’d be careful with your choice.

When you say private became too structured and academic - that will be the same in state too. The only way of avoiding this is home ed, but you’d have to ensure that he attended hobby groups / home ed meet ups regularly so he wasn’t isolated. Maybe that’s the answer and you can ensure there is some opportunity to make friends, but not overwhelmed with it.

G&T hasn't been a thing in a lot of schools for a while now. Support his interests. Private schools where I am are dreadful for any SEN support. A small primary sounds like it would be a good fit.

I was labelled G&T, also asd, and the g&T but didn't do me any favours.

You say that ‘the private schools where we are situated aren't great’ and you would struggle to afford it.

That leaves state education or home schooling as your options. Can you afford to not work and home school? There are so many home school groups now, supplemented by things like Cubs, playing a team sport, joining a drama or music group that your DS wouldn’t necessarily be isolated or not get opportunities to mix with his peers.

I have a very bright DS who on reflection has always been quite ‘quirky’. He had thrived in a one form entry primary, and a ten form entry state comprehensive. Large comps give kids more chance to find their tribe at a key time of life.

Kids being bright and quirky doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t thrive in a state education. In your shoes I’d focus on finding a small state primary and go from there.

Without trying to be unkind, if he struggles to connect with his peer group then he’s definitely not ‘mature’. Maturity in children is all about relationships, it’s not about asking questions an adult would ask. Has his current school said anything about applying for an EHCP? He wouldn’t need a diagnosis nor need to be academically low.
Also, be very wary of moving to get him into a state school. His would be an in year admission therefore subject to availability of places. Any schools that are rated good / outstanding are likely to be over subscribed so likely he wouldn’t get a place.

Who/what agency diagnosed G&T?

I don't think you need a diagnosis for G&T. When there was G&T programme in the UK it was defined as top 5% for secondary schools, that's hardly a high threshold. I think both of my DDs would meet that. One has been diagnosed as she has SEN and needed diagnosis of her SEN. The other doesn't have SEN and has not been diagnosed as "gifted", but you could tell she was different to the average from about 2 and her academic performance would have her flagged as "gifted" if that was still a thing in UK schools.

I think there's a separate question of whether top 5% should really be the threshold for "gifted". It certainly doesn't match what I would have thought of as gifted. I think I may have met about 5 unusually able people in my life.

@Mayflyoff that because what school had to deem 'gifted' and what other agencies term 'gifted' on assessment are two different things.

At schools it was those with higher learning potential / higher priority attainment / most likely to go on to uni and need stretch in the classroom. My DDs school still has a gifted afterschool group, and they get stretched in concepts outside of the curriculum, have research projects to give presentations on,have guest speakers, go on trips after school to public lectures etc

Outside of schools and diagnosed it is those with gifts far out of the norm, and this present challenges in other areas of their lives as it is harder to bond and build relationships with others their age when their brain is working o an entirely different plane to everyone else. They are also tricky to parent as the have amazing skills in one area but often deficits in another This individuals will, like my daughter also be autistic or have other disabilities and be twice exceptional and others wont.

My son is thriving in top sets of a state school. He also has a couple of tutors to go into depth on subjects this interest him . And he does a lot of self led learning in his own time too

He's enjoyed classes online too outside school, with places like Thinkers Meet up. And just lots of travel and reading

Yes all options have drawbacks...Private is expensive and it seems the one you tried was too pushy for your child to cope with. The state school you thinknis bot a good school... Home schooling not enough social interactions....This is what life is right. Don't like the school on offer or right school is too far away? Then move. Can't or don't want to move, then stay and make the most of it.

Decide what matters most for your child in order for them to thrive. Then you do what you can to make that happen. There is no ideal or perfect solution. You identify your priorities and what is 'nice to haves'.

Royal institute lectures are great too

Another option could be home learning with tutors or somewhere like kings Interhigh? And then combine that with social groups /sports groups?

Home education proving very difficult to socialise - not enough consistency or same faces..

State school would be ideal.. the one close to us too big and lots of sen but they can't cope

Would he qualify for special access reasons in state school?

Are there any hobbies he could do that are several times a week? My daughter dances 4 days a week and is closer with her dance friends than her school friends. My son does air cadets twice a week (plus occasionally at weekends).so he's with those children about 6 hours a week on average and is making good friends.

Unfortunately no option will be ideal

I'm surprised about home ed socialising there's too much to keep up to near us. I would keep doing what you are doing and get your best options in place
We are home edding 6 year old GS his reading is fantastic now so this year we are really concentrating on his writing as he's left handed and still writes a lot of letters back to front but if he was in a classroom he would have lost his confidence by now and he got bullied i( beaten up and hit every day for. A term) reception and is still traumatised. He sounds similar to your son.
We go to the park a lot. We go to a theatre group which he loves.

Go through Right to Choose. That's free and is funded through the NHS buy via private companies so very quick. We had no issues following the diagnosis, and it was a gateway to EHCP and DLA. It even says CAHMS on the front page!

Yes it's a fairly small private school. 2-form intake, but maximum 15 per class. They're not amazing with SEN but are trying hard to learn and support him, and the benefits of a small class have made a massive positive impact. It's a nurturing environment and he loves it. I owe his teachera a great deal!

If a child has an EHCP then a school could be directed to go over their PAN, even for in-year admissions. The LA would send the proposed school their EHCP to see if the school was able to meet their needs with the provision detailed on the EHCP. The key is to get a well written EHCP in the first place.

Hi OP. You're describing me as a kid and I just got diagnosed with ADHD and autism at the grand old age of 35. Obviously I haven't met your child and am not an expert but I just wanted to flag that as something to maybe look out for. I sure wish I knew 30 years ago!

They are also tricky to parent as the have amazing skills in one area but often deficits in another

Very familiar.

My DH is keen to get our son to school asap - currently home Ed and our Dear Son seems happy but he just isn't socialising... he does clubs but there's no free play unstructured with others..
we have a local school (I worked in myself for a while - I wasn't treated too well the deputy head hated me - I'm ND myself also possible ASD)
So hence I'm not keen for him to go there.. if I hadn't worked there he probably would have gone and things would have been a lot more straightforward.. I'm not comfortable putting him in that environment..