Hi all,
This is my first post here but posting because I’m in a difficult situation and not sure if what I’m planning on doing is mean, but I’ve reached my limits.
I’ve been in my relationship for 6 years now which has been verbally and emotionally abusive from about 2 years in. Some physical in the beginning too. He has tried to change but I’m finding it hard to stay in the relationship because he says sorry but carries on. I get called names, nothing as bad as it used to be but I still get snapped at and punished for pulling him up on it. He likes to bang his fists about a lot and shout and swear too.
Last week for example I told him I really wasn’t happy with the way he’s just spoken to me again, can’t remember exactly what it was but think he called me a retard. He went and slept on the floor in the living room, I tried to speak to him but he told me to shut up and get out. Then text me each day from work saying he loves me and wants things to work etc. I’ve made with clear he only means it if he stops but it happens most days and the way things are I can’t see things getting back to good again. So now this has gone on for a week and a half, him sleeping away from me, I think he’s trying to punish me because he says it’s all my fault things are like this.
Lastnight he shouted at me because he’d had a drink, I picked him up from the pub like he asked and I was sat outside waiting for 10 mins when I told him I needed to back quickly. So he ranted at me, slammed my car door really loud and told me leave his dinner (I’d been hanging on for him to get home so I could finish cooking). He told me to leave his uncooked dinner on the side because he doesn’t want me to do anything for him. I knew he was ‘starving’ because he’d told me, normally I’d still cook for him as I always do, still caring and cooking for him and his son no matter how he speaks to me. But lastnight, I thought why should I. He’d already locked himself away in his man cave ignoring me, so I did mine and the children’s, left his on the side. Petty I know, but I’d reached my limit after he’d spoken to me like dirt in front of his son. Well he’s not spoken a word to me since, not looked at me, nothing.
I’ve started looking for my own place for me and my kids.
I do most things in the house as well as working full time, cooking, cleaning washing. I cook separately for his son as he has hobbies late til gone 7pm. I get up early to make sure he’s ready for school, iron uniform and do his packed lunches. I feel really taken advantage of, even though he says I used him ( he was in a much better paying job than me in the beginning) but isn’t now, he’s using this as the reason I’m leaving, which isn’t true, it’s because I’ve had enough of the emotional abuse.
But I’ve decided I won’t be cooking dinner for us together regardless like I usually do, I’ll make myself a sandwich or something. But he will call me all kinds if I don’t make his sons, but make my own kids dinner. I’d do them all together but my kids eat hours earlier due to him not being home too gone 7. I just feel like why can’t he do it? Is it mean if I stop cooking for his son, stop doing his packed lunch and ironing his uniform til I leave? I’ve no vendetta at all, it’s just I’m exhausted, feel so down and struggling through the sadness I feel and need him to know I will be leaving and it’s something he’s now going to have to take charge of from now on.