When someone shows you who they are, believe them

[tellmesomethingtrue]

Does anyone have any real life examples of this famous saying?

I'm struggling to know what to do after my husband's infidelity and I keep thinking back to this.

''Keep away from me and keep your son away from me. I will destroy you''

My ex said that to me after a few months of dating after a boozy night out. It had been a great night, dancing/laughing, and I thought he was winding me up but he gave me a blank cold 'look' at the same time.

2 years later I was scrabbling to get him out of my life quicker than he could grind me down. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - like trying to get to the top of a sand dune but the quicker you move the more the sand shifts and you can't get anywhere.

The correct quote is:
"When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them. The first time."
A small recent example.
I have a neighbour who I've always been on friendly terms with (12 years) but I'd noticed she is very quick to judge other neighbours on matters which don't concern her. At the beginning of January, she made some pretty undiplomatic comments about my recent weight loss calling me 'anorexic' amongst other things and telling me I've aged. I was feeling very unwell at that time and didn't have the energy to push back. I was fast tracked for cancer screening which happily I don't have but tests revealed an illness which I will be receiving treatment for. Weight loss is a symptom of this illness. In the past, most likely I would have told her about my medical condition but I've said nothing, I've deliberately avoided her. She's shown who she is and it's not a good look.

If someone says something but does the opposite - of course I love you, I'll never cheat (while cheating).

But all I said was that the good doesn't negate the bad and its worth remembering that.

All the good stuff someone is doesn't make the less good stuff irrelevant.

That's how some women end up married to men who are useless dads, lazy in terms of housework and cheats. Because, in many cases, they overlooked the little bits of bad that were there at the beginning because they liked the good.

It's all part of the same person.

Early in my relationship with DH, my best friend came to stay with me and we went shopping. My now DH joined is in the first shop and I tried on some trousers. My DH said that I looked fat in them, I was totally unbothered by this and so I rejected the trousers, then he left the shop. My friend was appalled by all of this. Her interpretation was that he should always say I looked amazing in anything, but gently suggest I would look even better in something else.

I knew he thought I generally looked good, but was plain speaking and utterly trustworthy and reliable in what he said. I valued this quality, and knew ( based on all his behaviours) that this wasn’t negging or anything sinister.

20 years later, she has had a series of relationships with untrustworthy charmers who have lied and cheated. I am still with plain talking trustworthy DH. He showed me who he was early on, and I believed him.

It's not about someone necessarily showing who they are at the start of a relationship.

It's about taking notice of them showing who they are whenever that happens. So if a partner is a "great partner" for ten years but then cheats on you, it's irrelevant that they seemed great for ten years - they have now shown you that they aren't someone who would make a great life partner & wouldn't be able to stay the course for that. They have shown you that actually they aren't someone you can fully trust. It's irrelevant that it's taken 10 years for this to be revealed, it still has been.

You can then decide what you do now you know that aspect of them & their character - stay or leave.

I disagree that 120 months of good overrides one month of bad.

Is that a mis-type? You're disagreeing with yourself in the quoted post (08:23 yesterday).

FWIW, someone being a total bastard after ten years of loveliness is still a bastard. We've now learned something new about this person. We might need more evaluation before deciding whether to put up with it, but we'd be stupid to ignore it.

Usually, though, the 'one month' hasn't come out of the blue: flashes of the bastard have been showing through the loveliness for a long time. Those are what Maya Angelou says we should believe.

@Lengokengo, your anecdote's more about a difference between you and your friend than your DH.
We all reveal stuff about ourselves all the time.
Your DH showed he doesn't hold back his opinions.
You showed you respect his fashion sense.
She showed she's hurt by criticism.

Fair enough but I would say more fool you if you choose to ignore what that person is showing you in that "one month of bad".