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Original poster

Couldn’t get hard multiple times

37 replies

NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 15:28

Met a guy off a dating app, each time we got together it was passionate, seemed to have chemistry but he had issues getting erect when it came to PIV, the build up and foreplay was hot, he would be erect for oral but as soon as it was near my V he would go limp, no matter how much I tried to get him going again same thing.

He blocked me on two occasions and I felt like it was my fault, the guy is very attractive and he is well endowed, felt so frustrated as really fancied this guy the chemistry was off the charts but no lift off at all, I feel I must have been unattractive to him, as each time the same thing has happened, I know he gets the women and so I think it must be me with the issue, as that is how it’s made me feel, I even thought to lose more weight and looking more attractive would catch his attention but no he still has me blocked on his phone and also on Facebook, wish the guy would of opened up about this but no communication about it only one time I asked if he liked me, all he says was he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t like me, really doesn’t help though with being blocked indefinitely.

My self esteem is zero, I feel very undesirable beating myself up to thinking if I had of been better looking, he might of found me more sexier for sex we could of hopefully been an item, like I say I was very attracted to him, first guy I’ve actually liked a lot in a long long while.

Ive had other offers off men since him, but I just can’t do it, I really did want him so much, but I guess im going to have to move on even though I feel like absolute 💩

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 26/01/2025 15:38

OP, kindly, the issue is his penis - not you. Not your size. Not your shape. Not your weight.

Whatever the reasons behind it, they're not on you

It could be as simple as a medication he takes. Right through to trauma.
But that's his - you're not, from what I gather, in a relationship, he needs to get help for it and not allow YOU to feel at fault or inadequate

Rocknrollstar · 26/01/2025 15:38

I’m sorry but it was nothing to do with you. The problem lies with him. He probably told you it never happens with anyone else. This was a lie. He has blocked you because he doesn’t want to deal with the issue Find someone else and move on.

BlondeMamaToBe · 26/01/2025 15:39

It’s not you. It’s him.

Mysticguru · 26/01/2025 15:41

Him

Psychological.

Nothing to do with you.

Original poster
NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 15:44

@WeeOrcadian I had an ex who had issues, but it was because he drank too much, and he realised this and we sorted it out, I know some men may have ED but this guy didn’t seem phased until he blocked me, so I felt it must of been something I did to turn him off, the worse of it is I noticed he’s in a New relationship with someone, so things must be working for him with her, makes me think I’m unattractive, wish I could get out of this mindset.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 26/01/2025 15:46

If he didn't seem phased, he wasn't surprised that it happened. So it's happened for him before. More than once. With other women. So it's definitely him, not you.

TwistedWonder · 26/01/2025 15:47

Why do women blame themselves for men’s ED?

Its a him issue OP not you. And it seems to be getting more common due to porn addiction.

Original poster
NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 15:50

@Rocknrollstar I know deep down he may have had issues he didn’t want to let me know of, as wasn’t in a relationship with him, a side of me wanted him to get erect and for me to please him, just feel a bit of a failure, it was a no go situation, and it niggled me for a while, he’s with someone now so must work for her

OP posts:
Original poster
NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 15:56

@nocoolnamesleft Yes the bit being not phased at all, that’s the only thing that made me think, something is off, I’d of imagine he would of been embarrassed or never wanting to see me again but he did see me again, I think I might have been an experiment s**g to see if his junk worked, who knows, maybe he can get it up for others as he’s in a relationship now, so will never know

OP posts:
Iloveyoubut · 26/01/2025 15:57

Him not being able to get an erection with you has as much to do with you, as you (not you personally) not being able to climax from penetration alone would have to do with him. It’s nothing to do with the guy if you can’t climax that way even though guys can often take it ‘very’ personally. You can fake an orgasm (not that you should) but you can’t fake an erection… honestly it’s really not you.

BCBird · 26/01/2025 15:58

There is no way I would think the issue was you OP.

Freshflower · 26/01/2025 15:59

I wouldn't worry that it's you. I been woth a couple of men who were clearly very turned on , maintained erection and came very strongly but there was one guy who was like this every time it went near V would lose his erection or more frustratingly lose it during sex . I too thought it was me but after talking to another girl he'd been with previously she said he was like that with her aswell. It could be anything, unsure of his sexuality? Booze/drugs? Medicine he's on? Some kind of psychological issue. It won't be you !!!!

Original poster
NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 16:05

@Iloveyoubut Yes I get what your saying, that is so true, I’ve hardly had an orgasm with a guy by just penetration only, have to have clitoral stimulation too, some men don’t realise this and yeah that’s not their fault unless you vocalise this, communication is key I feel but this guy would not open up, I asked what turned him on he says a woman being dominant and dressed up, I did that and still nothing, that’s why I felt so unsexy afterwards as I made an effort for him and still it was a failure, it’s my ego that’s took a knock plus I’m much older than him, the older woman and younger man thing supposed to be hot but in my experience it wasn’t and I guess the guy thought the same about me.

OP posts:
Original poster
NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 16:12

@Freshflower i tried to get him going, honestly it was so frustrating one time 3 hours and we made out more than anything, he says it was hot but, his member wouldn’t stay up, I think on that particular occasion he really wanted it to work but I was exhausted and so frustrated with it, he left said he would see me again then blocked me as soon as he left my home, just crushed really, for a while I’ve felt ugly and useless

OP posts:
ThoroughlyModernNotMillie · 26/01/2025 16:16

It's not always the man every time though is it( I'm a woman btw). Not every man is rock hard with every single woman, possibly in the end he just didn't really want to have sex with you. That's a difficult thing to face, but why would anyone woman want to bother with and persevere with someone who may or may not be attracted to her?
You need to forget about him OP, he's blocked you so that's good, it means no more communication with him. You and he were clearly never going anywhere anyway.
Spend your time getting out there, doing things you enjoy, doing hobbies, meeting friends, and doing things that make you feel good about yourself, rather than relying on men to make you feel good. Whether a man makes you feel attractive should be a bonus to your self esteem, not the basis of it.

NotthinglikeaBondGirl · 26/01/2025 16:21

NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 15:28

Met a guy off a dating app, each time we got together it was passionate, seemed to have chemistry but he had issues getting erect when it came to PIV, the build up and foreplay was hot, he would be erect for oral but as soon as it was near my V he would go limp, no matter how much I tried to get him going again same thing.

He blocked me on two occasions and I felt like it was my fault, the guy is very attractive and he is well endowed, felt so frustrated as really fancied this guy the chemistry was off the charts but no lift off at all, I feel I must have been unattractive to him, as each time the same thing has happened, I know he gets the women and so I think it must be me with the issue, as that is how it’s made me feel, I even thought to lose more weight and looking more attractive would catch his attention but no he still has me blocked on his phone and also on Facebook, wish the guy would of opened up about this but no communication about it only one time I asked if he liked me, all he says was he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t like me, really doesn’t help though with being blocked indefinitely.

My self esteem is zero, I feel very undesirable beating myself up to thinking if I had of been better looking, he might of found me more sexier for sex we could of hopefully been an item, like I say I was very attracted to him, first guy I’ve actually liked a lot in a long long while.

Ive had other offers off men since him, but I just can’t do it, I really did want him so much, but I guess im going to have to move on even though I feel like absolute 💩

Firstly the size of his penis is irrelevant. I've been with men with big 'uns who feel that that is all they have to bring to the party. Rather like holding a party with a few magnums of champaign but no nibbles. Personally I'd prefer someone with an average sized dick & who knows what to do with that and his hands, tongue etc.

Don't blame yourself - nothing to do with you, he obviously has Erectile Dysfunction (ED). I understand why he's blocking you - he's embarrassed. If you feel this relationship is worth the while I suggest that you arrange to meet him for drinks/dinner and gently bring the subject up, but keep sex off the agenda for now. I can guarantee that he has had this issue before. Viagra may solve it. His GP will be able to help.

BellissimoGecko · 26/01/2025 16:25

NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 15:44

@WeeOrcadian I had an ex who had issues, but it was because he drank too much, and he realised this and we sorted it out, I know some men may have ED but this guy didn’t seem phased until he blocked me, so I felt it must of been something I did to turn him off, the worse of it is I noticed he’s in a New relationship with someone, so things must be working for him with her, makes me think I’m unattractive, wish I could get out of this mindset.

Stop thinking this way!! It's not your fault - why would it be?

I can bet this bloke has the same issue with every woman he's with.

Goodness, don't take it on yourself! Block him and move on. Focus on yourself and being happy.

PixelatedLunchbox · 26/01/2025 16:25

TwistedWonder · 26/01/2025 15:47

Why do women blame themselves for men’s ED?

Its a him issue OP not you. And it seems to be getting more common due to porn addiction.

This 100%

BellissimoGecko · 26/01/2025 16:27

And just because his social media says he's in a relationship, that doesn't mean he can get an erection with her. Why would it? You're focusing on the wrong thing here.

Sex it's not supposed to be this much hard - ha!- work, especially so early on.

This is his problem to fix, not yours.

AltitudeCheck · 26/01/2025 16:27

Just because he's ticked a box to say he's in a new relationship it doesn't mean his ED has gone away or that they are having amazing sex. Most likely he was either embarrassed about it or he was already playing the field and just moved on. ED isn't linked to how attractive men find someone, I've known men shag women they aren't really attracted to just because the opportunity is there and I have known guys get stage fright because they are really attracted to someone and the pressure is too much for them 🤷🏼‍♀️

MyOpulentDuck · 26/01/2025 16:33

I’m wondering if he’s married/in a relationship and only sees PIV as being unfaithful so doesn’t have an issue with other sexual activity leading up to full sex but then “can’t perform” when it comes to doing the actual deed?
Him blocking you would suppose this theory too?
Whatever the issue, please don’t blame yourself I’d guess he’s had this issue before you and it doesn’t sound like you’ll be the last!

MightyGoldBear · 26/01/2025 16:50

Op I counsel men who are struggling with porn addiction/sex addiction. Obviously no one can say what's going on for this man. It is however incredibly common. Not once have I ever had a client say to me its because I didn't find her attractive. When they are in a safe space being completely honest it comes down to trauma, conditioning (to porn or their own hand/death grip) a combination, or performance anxiety or medication.

I have however had many many female partners suffering with betrayal trauma who believe its their fault. Sometimes defensive partners have out right said to them its because they aren't attractive. Most cases thats their shame talking.

It Can be a very common experience not helped by society grooming us all from young ages into boxes of men all think about sex every second and would have sex with anything that walks. To the trope of women don't like sex. It's just incorrect and such black and white thinking. In reality it's complex.

We work together through these feelings and the partners own issues with may feed into this thinking. I'd really recommend some therapy op if you feel like this mentality is apparent in lots of areas of your life. It can be very detrimental and often plays a role in why we can engage longer than necessary in unfulfilling relationships.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/01/2025 16:53

it is not YOU

He has blocked you because he is embarrassed / ashamed that he was unable to do the deed

Original poster
NattyGuide · 26/01/2025 17:21

@MightyGoldBear Hi, Yes I feel he did find me unattractive as when I wasn’t in a sexy outfit he then said, if you had of worn your stockings, heels I would of been more into it.

thing is I did dress up in what he wanted and it still wasn’t happening, so I feel in a way he wasn’t fully attracted to me and maybe was trying to be, but then I don’t understand why he would see me again after a duration of time had went by.

But he seemed passionate up until the obvious, he tried to get it hard himself and with me giving him oral, he seemed very calm which was weird as I would of expected him to be a bit frustrated and then saying sorry to me or something, nothing at all, he would just say I’ve work early I better go, and then say il give you a message through the week, then I’m blocked, for 6 months then a message to say cab I see you, I guess I should of just blocked him the first time, but I know some men have issues, and I was given him the benefit of the doubt as I did like him, if he had of opened up to me I would of been understanding and I wound of helped him if that’s what he would of wanted, but no he just cuts me off making me feel I’m very ugly and not sexy at all.

OP posts:
MyOpulentDuck · 26/01/2025 18:33

I wouldn’t be entertaining meeting up with someone who had blocked me for 6 months!
Also, although clothing can help set the mood, if someone is into you they really won’t care what you’re wearing!