Couldn’t get hard multiple times

[NattyGuide]

Met a guy off a dating app, each time we got together it was passionate, seemed to have chemistry but he had issues getting erect when it came to PIV, the build up and foreplay was hot, he would be erect for oral but as soon as it was near my V he would go limp, no matter how much I tried to get him going again same thing.

He blocked me on two occasions and I felt like it was my fault, the guy is very attractive and he is well endowed, felt so frustrated as really fancied this guy the chemistry was off the charts but no lift off at all, I feel I must have been unattractive to him, as each time the same thing has happened, I know he gets the women and so I think it must be me with the issue, as that is how it’s made me feel, I even thought to lose more weight and looking more attractive would catch his attention but no he still has me blocked on his phone and also on Facebook, wish the guy would of opened up about this but no communication about it only one time I asked if he liked me, all he says was he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t like me, really doesn’t help though with being blocked indefinitely.

My self esteem is zero, I feel very undesirable beating myself up to thinking if I had of been better looking, he might of found me more sexier for sex we could of hopefully been an item, like I say I was very attracted to him, first guy I’ve actually liked a lot in a long long while.

Ive had other offers off men since him, but I just can’t do it, I really did want him so much, but I guess im going to have to move on even though I feel like absolute 💩

@MyOpulentDuck well it probably just confirms he found me unattractive I guess, never mind

Not at all - he was trying to blame you.

Men & ED a big issue, but never the partner's problem

I don’t think that’s the case at all as surely he wouldn’t have had any sort of sexual contact with you at all if he didn’t find you attractive?
What I meant was that I don’t think he could suddenly find you unattractive just because you weren’t dressed up in sexy clobber. And if that was what it took for him to find you attractive in the first place then you’re far better off without him anyway - imagine having to go through all that palaver just to get him hard?!

I’d just block him and move on you deserve to be with someone who finds you attractive whatever you’re wearing

My DH is 70 & has recently been diagnosed with the start of dementia. He sometimes has ED issues, but then he finds satisfying me in other ways a big turn on for him even if 'junior' isn't willing to work on that occasion. We have a very active sex life even if he can't 'get it up'.

Why do women always assume it must be them? It's not you, it's him. He probably felt embarrassed that's why he blocked you.
He doesn't seem worth your time anyway so it's best to move on and find someone else.

@MyOpulentDuck Yes sorry for seeming off with that post, I’m gutted to be honest I really like him but for him to block me like a person with no feelings was harsh, just left me dangling said he would message me then Blocked!, I’m an understanding person I would of helped him I guess a man’s ego gets in the way and some men will just ghost as if it is the woman’s fault then on to the next willing woman, I wish I knew that it happens to other women with him then I won’t be feeling I’m the issue, but I never asked him that as I probably would of been told it never happens, then that would of made me feel even worse, I know I should put it behind me, but it happened 4 different times, maybe once or twice understandable could be nerves, too much to drink not feeling comfortable etc but not being attractive is an issue to some men too, I wouldn’t say I’m ugly I look quite sexy dressed up but my confidence is on the floor and I feel like I can’t date anyone else incase this happens again with another man, I’ve internalised his problem as my own problem, now he’s in a Relationship moved on and I’m still not over this I feel like crap.

I'll join in with those saying it's not you it's him. Regardless of his ED issues the blocking you is crappy behaviour and he really isn't worth fretting about. Plenty of decent men out there on the dating scene, don't let this one put you off.

Sounds like your self esteem is struggling a bit but sex is a two way thing and it's equally about a partner turning you on and satisfying you as it is about 'performing' for them. His ED issues are not about you and he has shown a rather immature way of dealing with them by running away and blocking you. Move on - there's better out there.

Fucking hell stop pining over a dickweeb who can't get hard

With all due respect you really need to work on your self esteem, even if he found you undesirable that's not your fault or your problem. People can fancy and not fancy who they want. However hanging on after he's blocked you for 6 months and welcoming him back to try again and then blaming yourself again is your problem. You will be very much desired by someone, someone who will give you the time of your life with a rock hard erection and the stamina of a horse but it's not this guy and that's fine but you'll never move on until you accept that.

Bloke here - hope that's ok

I was once told after a particularly unpleasant break-up that I'd never managed to make her orgasm through PIV (and I am and was aware that many many women can't in that way but she'd always said she had - I'd have been more than happy to provide other fun!).

My confidence took a major dive (I was much younger) and I had exactly the same issue as your fella here with my next partner - fine in foreplay and oral, Mr. Floppy when it came to penetration.

Point is, it was absolutely nothing to do with her - I fancied her like mad - just stupid stuff in my head. I had some therapy, got back in the game with a bit of chemical assistance the first couple of times and moved on with my life, but I still felt guilty that my "rebound fling" might have blamed herself - which you absolutely shouldn't.

It's just performance anxiety - I'd imagine it happens to most men at one time or another. For me it was actually worse because I fancied her so much and wanted to please her (and even show off a bit to someone I felt was probably a bit out of my league).

All the best for your future sex life - hope you find satisfaction soon!

@ThePursuingBear Thanks for chiming in and from a man’s perspective,

So sorry your ex said that to you, sounded bitter and nasty to say that and how horrible them words must of crushed you inside, glad to hear you got sorted and you got your libido back.

Yes, I don’t know anything on this guys past on his love life, he was much younger than me and he was passionate and a great kisser, but it was the same thing each time, he would go limp near my V, but he seemed cool about it, but blocked me when he had left, was a horrible feeling, no feedback to state anything really, I just automatically assumed he found me disgusting or something, but yes I stupidly went back to him a few more times, I guess I was hoping for lift off but felt like I was flogging a dead horse, it’s definitely knocked my confidence sideways, I use to think I was good at sex and getting guys turned on, obviously not with this guy, you live and learn 👍

@Freshflower how did you get over it with him not being able to have sex with you, or did he manage to get it up eventually,

What ever the issue the guy I was with had, I’d never know he didn’t say a thing, last time I saw him was last year, and I’ve still let it get me really down, I felt strong chemistry for him, he was a very good looking young man, I’m in my 40s so it made me feel like shit, when you hear of younger man and older woman stuff it’s usually about how hot it is and the young guy getting rock hard, maybe I’m delusional thinking I look good when I’m not