Unsure ??

[TeenGirl2024]

Hey girlies!

Can someone please tell me is it normal for you to regret getting pregnant even tho it's what you wanted and also be unsure about your feelings for your partner??

I don't know if i'm just spiralling or what but we are engaged and now i'm pregnant but i still haven't even met his friends and he's met all of mine!!

I've met all his family however i don't agree with their morals or them in general...

i'm freaking out

Hi lovely, congratulations.

My daughter is 9 months old now and I’d say some element of “oh my God I’m having a baby what am I doing” can be normal when you find out you’re pregnant, even when it’s a planned baby, but the things you describe sound to me like a bit more than just usual pregnancy jitters.

Being unsure about your partner I would say isn’t normal, and maybe those feelings are what are making you feel like you regret the pregnancy? Maybe the permanence of a baby and the fact you know you’ll be in each others lives, in some form, forever is making you realise that actually this isn’t the person you want to be in your life forever?

If you haven’t met his friends and you don’t like his family, did you discuss these things before planning a pregnancy?

Hi thank you for this!!

i suppose i regret the pregnancy due to my age and the fact my family are going to be disappointed and i had a certain plan for my life and it didn't go as expected i guess and i just feel like nothing is going right.

We have discussed these things before but idk i guess it doesn't change anything.

I do love him but idk, i've noticed when im with him im happier in myself but im more judgy and angry at other people and i dont have the same drive and excitement i used to have??

I’m sorry you feel that way OP, I’m not sure how far along you are but have you thought about what options you may have? If you’ve only just fallen pregnant then you do not have to have a baby if you really don’t want one, you do have choices, do you have someone you could speak to about that? A friend or family member? Or even if not, a GP?

I would say you need to really have a good think about all of this. My husband & I planned to have our daughter and although I definitely felt a bit “oh God a baby is going to depend on me” when I saw those 2 lines on a test I never doubted my relationship or my husband, if I did genuinely feel that way I’m not sure I would have gone ahead with the pregnancy.

Pregnancy and especially postpartum are an extremely vulnerable time for any woman, both beautiful in their own ways but they can also be brutal. You do need a partner with you who you can trust and lean on to support you through those times, otherwise it will be so much harder for you. If you’re already unhappy now then pregnancy, postpartum and then coping with a newborn will only make things feel worse.

Yeah thank you i really appreciate this.

I honestly don't know what to say or where i stand tbh

You just need to think about yourself and your own life, where you stand with anything else is for now irrelevant.

Think about if YOU want a baby right now, not if your boyfriend wants one, just you- do you want to have a child right now? Do you want this baby, with this man?

That’s the most important thing you need to figure out first.

If the answer is no, you can speak with your GP or a clinic to discuss options.

If the answer is yes, then you can start thinking about practically how this will work. What support you have, what your living situation & finances are like and getting a plan in place on that.

You can figure out other things later but primarily you need to first decide if you want a baby, with him, right now. Could you speak to a friend or family?

Unfortunately none of my family know yet and my friends aren't really the best!

i don't know what to do, initionwlly it was me that wantrd one. first time around i was so excited but then we had a miscarriage.

this time round i don't know i've been so upset since day 1 but i could not possibly abort because i hate myself so idk who to talk to or what to do.

Do you have a close family member you could speak to OP?

Or could you make an appointment to discuss how you’re feeling with a GP or if you already have a midwife assigned mention it to them? It may that you just need some extra support to understand and discuss your feelings here

Thank you! i appreciate the advice

It's easier to follow your posts if you quote people when responding.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne sorry i didn't realise how to do this!

How old are you and how long have you been with your partner?

The quote button is on the left, under each post.

Anyway, to answer your OP - I am not sure I'd want to marry someone like this man, especially as you disapprove of his family.

Are you ambivalent enough about the pregnancy that you'd consider ending it?

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne

I could never end a pregnancy i genuinely could not live with myself that's the issue :

I was is in love with him but now idk

i'm 20 in a fee months and my partner is nearly 25. i've been with him for over a year and we have been engaged for a few months now

Do you really want to marry him though, because it sounds like you don't to me.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne

I did, i loved him with every part of my soul but idk what's changed now im pregnant. i've never had doubts about him before now.

idk if im just self sabotaging or what

You need to think that if you did separate, your baby would spend time with him and his family whether you like them or not.
i got pregnant at 18 with my son and I really wish I’d of considered the extended families input more. But hindsight is a wonderful thing.

but what do i do if i care about him too much but dont like this family sg all???

I suppose it depends how close they are and if they spend a lot of time with each other.
also your reasons for disliking them- is it just a clash of personalities or is it something worse like they take drugs and are criminals etc

i mean currently we live with his mum and sister, his dad is in and out of the picture. idk i guess his family is just so different to mine and i don't get a good feeling from his mum.

i just idk

So why don’t you move in with your family? If they don’t have any major problems and are happy to let you live with them then this could be a you problem. But you can’t expect to give him an ultimatum

How old are you op

because my family live 500 miles away unfortunately and my job is in another country so as much as i would love to i cannot live with my family.

i'm not sure if you meant it but this comment came off a little unnecessarily rude...

Is there no possibility of the two of you moving into your own place?

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne

i mean currently that's our plan, but unfortunately we don't have the finances yet,

we are saving up in hopes of moving out but it's probs gonna take a year or so