Unsure ??

[TeenGirl2024]

Hey girlies!

Can someone please tell me is it normal for you to regret getting pregnant even tho it's what you wanted and also be unsure about your feelings for your partner??

I don't know if i'm just spiralling or what but we are engaged and now i'm pregnant but i still haven't even met his friends and he's met all of mine!!

I've met all his family however i don't agree with their morals or them in general...

i'm freaking out

Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed it must be hard.why are you living with his family whom you don’t like this will be a huge problem when this baby is born.Are you plannng on getting your own place soon?Think very hard about the future you are very young and sound so lost.Please talk to a trusted person maybe your midwife.Take care.

@Ragruggers

Trust me i said that to him before we even moved in with mum but we cannot afford our own place right now but saving up

Sorry that wasn’t my intention at all. Are you both planning on finding your own place before baby comes? Or are you thinking more along the lines of getting your own place for you and baby?

@Cornecopia no it's okay!! my bad messages are hard to feel 😅

umm we are planning on getting our own place but struggling due to finances etc

I think once you are out of your partners mums house things will be easier to deal with. It’s hard living on top of each other and it leaves too much opportunity for unwanted comments etc. when pregnant and a new mother people seem to have no filter with what they say so the sooner you can leave the better. Have you applied to local housing authority and council?

@Cornecopia

Yeah i totally agree! Thank you for this!!

we have tried but unfortunately don't meet the requirements ( earn too much) but ironically not enough to actually afford anything lol!

honestly just been sat here figuring out my finances and i don't know how it's going to work.

i don't know if i've just been selfish and although it will mentally destroy me is it the best thing for this baby if i don't have it?? :((

You are going to have a baby in a house where you live with his mum and sister. This is not the situation to bring a child into.

You need your own place. Living in a room with a baby and partner will make it so much more difficult. Doesn't sound like you even want to stay with him so you will be homeless with a baby.

@FallenRaingel

trust me i know but i genuinely don't know what to do

It’s a really difficult situation for you to be in I really understand.
if you can’t afford to move out now and things are a bit of a struggle, a baby will add a lot more pressure on and money will be even tighter. I think you need to have a really good think about what kind of life you can offer your baby. Sure you will love them, but they need a whole lot more than love.
If I was you I’d be seriously considering other options, I know that’s not what you want to hear but I wish someone had advised me when I went through the same x

There are a few pregnancy choice services you can call and talk to someone impartial with the experience to help. @TeenGirl2024 even women's aid can offer advice on your situation, you are in a vulnerable position. Shelter may be a possibility as well, if this relationship ends you will be facing homelessness.

There is help and support available, it's hard to see clearly when you are conflicted and stressed. Hopefully some of them can help you know what options are available, especially as a young, single mum.

How many weeks are you?

@healthybychristmas

8 weeks why?

I am really sorry but if it's early days I think I would end the pregnancy and get the hell out of there. None of this sounds good and if you are my daughter I would want you back home ASAP.

@healthybychristmas

Trust me i wish i could go home but i have a job over here and working towards qualifications, there is nothing for me back home except my family ://

I am so conflicted about ending it unfortunately.

i really don't want to but i feel like im being selfish to the baby if i dont...

Because you are less than 10 weeks, if you decide not to continue with your pregnancy it is medical, involving taking pills and not surgical. Much less trauma physically.

@FallenRaingel

oh okay...

Thank you for this information

OP I'm wondering if the trauma of your miscarriage may be playing a role in your current feelings. It sounds like you might be finding reasons not to have the baby in case you lose this one. Almost like a self defense mechanism? I'm sorry for your loss. Pregnancy after loss is such an anxious and difficult time.
In terms of your DPs family, have very clear boundaries in place and an exact timeline of when you will be able to move out. It will help you to feel more in control. Talk to your partner too, your relationship needs to be solid before you bring a baby into it. It might be helpful to access counselling if you can to talk through your own feelings too.

I'm in my early 20s and fiancé in mid 20s..although we've been together for 5 years and have a mortgage together so a little different to your situation. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and although initially there was a shock finding out I was actually pregnant, not one part of me doubted my partner and nothing changed with my feelings towards him. I'm happy with the father of my child and feel I've chosen wisely. I never second guessed having my baby either was just shocked that it was actually happening.

If im honest, living under the roof of someone else that you don't like and living in one bedroom with a baby and a partner isn't ideal at all. How comes your second guessing your partner now? You think he won't be a good dad, he doesn't support you .. what is it?
Could you afford a child? They will be yours and your partners responsibility to provide for them so you need to ensure you could both manage that of course. Could you offer this baby a good quality of life? Will you be able to cope living in a house with people you don't like while going through the depths of pregnancy, post partum, a newborn etc..do you see long term with the father of the child?

You are not ready to be a mother. You know it, which is why you are panicking.

Don't mess up your life because you think you cannot make a difficult decision.

It's 8 weeks. You have options.