He’s broke should it matter?

[Whenisitspring]

I’ve been dating someone for just over a year and he’s a lovely man but has hardly any disposable income or solid plans for later life (he’s 54) and his lack of responsibility is putting me off. He’s quite naive when it comes to grown up stuff like finances and pensions and I’m struggling to feel comfortable with it. What does everyone think? He’s kind, considerate, loving, and generous with what he has got but I’m not sure…

Please don't say you fund him. Especially if he promises "to pay you back as soon as I can."

His take home monthly salary if he is on Outer London scale would be around £3378
If he's SLT it would be more
Even if his rent and bills were 2K monthly that leaves a reasonable amount to live on so it rings alarm bells that he has no savings and no disposable income as he enters the retirement years.

First thought was, but he has a plan. He'll get a partner with her own house!

If you're keen to make it work, I think the answer lays in how he is managing his money now.

I wouldn't write someone off for making bad decisions in the past, but would if they're continuing to do so, and expecting a partner to fund them.

If he'll get state pension and his teacher's pension, that's not so bad, but I'd be questioning why he isn't managing to save up now?

Something isn't right. But it might be worth checking out first.

Edit: is it lays or lies?

Tangent, but that’s a salary over 50k
is that standard for a teacher?

we get a lot of comments on how poorly paid teachers are, but on this thread it’s all about how well paid he (a teacher) is…

According to Op he has been a teacher for 20 years.

He would have moved up the payscale and got Outer London Payscale which pays more
He might be on more if he is senior

^^ this

Yes the OP owns property but no doubt a condition of the divorce. Probably got lucky that her ex had a good job and could get a decent mortgage etc so the assets fell in her favour.

He earns a very good income, he has a very good pension. He just rents so in your eyes is financially irresponsible? Honestly when you add his teacher pension plus state pension, he'll likely earn enough to rent a small property somewhere anyway, he's hardly destitute

I just found it interesting that the general view on here was that teachers are paid poorly.

if the general view is that after 20 years they are well paid and should have managed to buy a house and have lots of savings that feels at odds with other threads on teacher salaries.

If you truly love him you can stay with him but keep finances separate and always make him pay his way. Give him advice if you can. Nobody is perfect

Agree with this- teachers aren’t that poor! Plenty have houses.

His take home monthly salary if he is on Outer London scale would be around £3378

Unlikely. Outer London, UPS3 is £50,471. But pension is 9.6% and then there's the matter of student loans so possibly only taking home £2800 a month. As a single person paying London-fringe rent plus all bills, that probably doesn't leave a lot for savings.

Teachers are well paid in some ways, but it is capped, so someone who worked 20+ years could be paid the same as someone with 10years, and for 20+years, so pretty much an expert in their field, £50k is pretty rubbish

Student loans when he has been a teacher for 20 years?

It’s not a huge salary given what a similarly trained and educated graduate an expect in private sector. It’s also a tough job.

but there are people paying off mortgages with smaller salaries

Student loans when he has been a teacher for 20 years?

I'll be honest, I don't know much about repaying student loans as my degree was funded through grants. But it would have been a minimum 4years of university. I know it's different rules now, but my dd is graduating with almost 60k after 3 years and will probably take most of her working life to pay back

The tuition fees came in 2006, there were loans prior to that but not the current ones with high interest rates.

None of that makes sense.
He's bought twice but has nothing now.

Throw him back.

I feel you have too much to lose OP and would err on the side of caution and bail out sooner rather than later.

If you love him and he has lots of qualities you admire, you shouldn't be too bothered about this. Renting in London costs a lot. Teachers don't earn much.

Don't marry him, though. You should protect your financial assets.

If you like the idea of living with him, go for it. He'll have his state pension on top of his teacher's pension, so he won't be broke.

Slightly different perspective maybe; I’d keep him.

My partner and I are both divorced, and both came away from our first marriages with very little, for a variety of reasons.

We both earn reasonably well, but rent because the idea of finding £40k+ at our age, and with the living costs we already have, would be actual insanity. By the time we’d saved it up, he’d be retiring.

We have enough to get by, and will both have work pensions to fall back on later in life, but that’s it. No property and very little in the way of savings.

I was far more financially comfortable with my ex husband. On paper I’d have been better off. But I’d rather live in a poverty stricken bin with my current partner than live in relative comfort with my ex. Money isn’t everything!

I think it's bad not to be financially stable agree. but imagine would you rather be with someone with bigger amount of money and not giving you love or attention? sometimes we can't have everything...

But I’d rather live in a poverty stricken bin with my current partner than live in relative comfort with my ex. Money isn’t everything!

Entirely agree with this. The humanity of people is what is important.

Why is it one or the other?
Op seemed to be doing fine when she was on her own.
What she doesn't need is a 54 year old man with potential financial issues dragging her down

That would put me off at that age. Particularly as the reality is at just over 10 years younger my retirement plans need a big shake up as work /saving has been badly affected by motherhood these last 10 years for me. If I was single now I certain wouldn't want to risk financially carrying anyone else (apart from DC if needed) during my retirement

OP I've been with my husband for 25 years. Both of us were married before.
Neither of us had much money, although we worked hard.

We're now retired, and we agree that money really isn't everything. We're very happy, in a rented bungalow.

I’ve owned property twice and now rent. First time i ended up with negative equity so couldn’t sell therefore my ex partner took the house on.
Second time my ex bought me out and I’ve got a 6 figure sum invested however at my age it’s impossible to get a mortgage to buy something around here due to the short term I have left to pay before retirement.

Im far from alone in being in this position. I rent a lovely flat in a very nice area which suits me right now. If anyone I met judged me for my circumstances, they’re not the right person for me.

When I asked him about where he'd live when he's retired and not working to pay his rent he said he'd always planned on living with someone so the cost of living would be halved. He's assured me that he wants nothing from me and would pay half of everything and he's not concerned with getting married or not, he said it would be up to me to do whatever made me happy.
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Based on this, I'd be very wary! Particularly about him moving in to your house and then him potentially being able to make a financial claim if you break up.

Where does all his money go? He's old enough to have it under control.*