Haven't spoken to anyone since last sunday

[Dawningoftheageofaquarius]

I WFH most of the week and only speak to people when I'm in the office, in essence my life hasn't changed since COVID. I don't know how to change this, going for a walk is pointless because people don't interact. I've been for a coffee and just sat there like a lemon with my book while all the other tables of groups and couples sat there having a great time. I've joined some clubs and tried speaking to people but it was clear they had their group and weren't interested in others interjecting (physically turning backs to me, not paranoia). This is my only outlet really, I don't do social media. I'm not looking for solutions to this I just wanted to put it somewhere.

Better out than in so well done for writing your feelings down.

As a person who’s had to build a social life from scratch several times over due to DH’s work relocations, I know it’s not all fun and games trying to make friends as an adult. It’s wearing and hurtful at times.

If you change your mind about solutions, I may have some.

I sympathise with you OP.
I have very limited social contact too.
I think you have been very brave joining clubs etc because it's something I can't do. I've experienced rejection as you describe it - a lot of people who have their own friendship.circle can be very unwelcoming to people outside it.
Sorry I don't have any solutions to offer.

Would you look at going into the office more or changing jobs to an office based role?

Clubs can be tricky but how long did you stick around for ?

Most people take time to get comfortable with people - and once they know each other - well you wouldn't want to discuss shona's surgery with a total stranger would you

But if you show your enthusiasm for whatever the club is and stick with it it would be unusual not to make friends over the course of a year or so

Would your office be OK if you went in more often?

if you like walking, maybe join your local Ramblers. They have different groups for various age ranges and I’ve made some great friends that way - first three walks are free to see if you like it and then it’s about £45 a year. Great for mental and physical health. As PP said, the secret is to stick at it even if it feels a bit alien at first. Good luck xx

Volunteer for something - helping at an animal charity, helping at a park run, some other charity thing…?

Ah I feel for you op. Where do you (roughly) live and how old are you? I wfh and moved to be with DP but it’s a big city. I found the local pub (not bar actual pub there is a difference) and went on quiz nights and spoke to people. I now have a group of friends. If you are anywhere near me feel free to come meet me!

Going to a gym that does classes? I do CrossFit so it's all classes and everyone chats to each other before after (sometimes during)!

I think it’s about finding the ‘right’ clubs and activities. I’ve tried numerous things, some are absolutely useless for making friends because people stick to their groups or do their own thing, but others work. I found friends through a team sport I signed up to, and some more in a running club. But equally I went to classes that weren’t very social or where I didn’t meet the right people. Maybe you could try a few different things and see if any of them leads to social contacts?

I’m trying to build up my social circle following a solo move two years ago. I volunteer with a very social historic organisation. Only now can I see there might be one person I’m volunteering with that might transition into friendship. People generally don’t have the impetus to make ‘A’ list friends. There isn’t the same impulsive need that comes with youth.

That’s a good point, I think the expectation that friendships will evolve immediately from such activities is not realistic. After I joined the team sport, I only ever went out with people in group settings, eg pub after training or occasionally some of us decided to go to a concert or cinema together. Only after about 3 years, I could call one person my friend and would also text her and meet 1-to-1. However, the group meet ups were good enough for me at the time being.

Could you briefly share some solutions for interested third parties who happen on this thread? I’ve recently moved and after initially doing well meeting people I’ve stalled a bit. Feel like I’ve exhausted the most obvious options.

Sounds rough, OP. I hope you have some family and more distant friends you can talk to on the phone. It’s really hard making proper close friendships from scratch as an adult, which is strange when I think how many people would value more friends. But there are also a lot of people absolutely run off their feet with family commitments or just happy with their current social life so it’s harder to find those who really want to connect. Sorry you’re finding it hard to meet people. Don’t give up trying x

@Dawningoftheageofaquarius I understand

Before I saw this thread, I was literally just thinking that isolation (not chosen by me) is making me weird and it's horrible but like you, I have tried all kinds of things.

Possibly I have some better results but it's too early to tell. And those shallow links are likely to turn to nothing anyway, as my long term friendships did that!

Join an exercise class. Get a dog. People and other dog owners will talk to you, especially if you are walking regularly in the same place.

I volunteer - all the people I work with have lots in common and I've made some really good friends. I know you work but maybe try something at the weekend?
Good luck

My DD2 22. has moved to a new area to work and live with her BF she has joined Bumble friends I think it’s called( same as the OLD but no dating) also there are meet ups with a different organisation that are for females that turn up on their own to socialise. At least both of these have the making new friends as their goals?

How would you feel about group holiday as a solo? The other people there are also on their own so may be more willing to connect. There are lots of such trips out there, and solo cruises too, where (if you want) you can sit for some (or all) meals with other solos.

I know for some that would be their idea of hell, but I did a group trip to China some years ago on my own and still have the friends I met who were also solo. It's just an idea and obviously depends on your budget to do it. Doesn't have to be halfway across the world either though!

I also did a few stages of the Camino de Santiago on my own, and have made "friends" - acquaintances really, from all over the world. We meet if they are in this country.

Depends on lots of things, but getting involved in a church is a good bet, as is volunteering at something that doesn't take up every minute of your time.

I think with clubs/ volunteering etc., to make it work you have to genuinely want to do what the club is offering, because the social side will take time- you're not going to make your BFF the first time, or even the tenth time, but if you're genuinely enjoying the activity, it doesnt matter. So for example, I like running, so if I joined a running club and it took a while for people to talk to me I wouldn't really mind as I'd still be enjoying the running, but if I hated running and was just using it as a way to make friends, I'd be really disappointed if people weren't super friendly immediately as I'd just want to make my friends so I could stop going.

Also this is a generalisation but I think for the majority of people who live alone, WFH is not that great because casual social interaction/ small talk are skills that we need to keep practicing and it's easy to lose the knack. Also, it's just nice to have casual convos with people during the day. Not sure what you do for work but is a WOH role a possibility?

Voluntary work?

You say you don't "do" social media. Do you do emailing or msging or anything else? I "talk" to various women from college, from work, from knowing irl, on there. I'm not suggesting you em or msg or DM me, but there must be many many people you could do. Or you could start a "relationship" on here. (You can send personal msgs on here for example.)

Do you know people where you live or are you new to the area? What about family/ old friends?

Are you rural or urban? Does the area have much going on? Do you date/ use apps to meet friends? How old are you?

I moved area a few years ago but from day 1 I realised I had to build a new social circle and a busy lifestyle to be happy. I still have many lovely interactions in the office and that’s important to me but thankfully also found new people and a life outside.

If you’re not tied to your property, sharing with someone else is a good way to get a bit of easy company.

I understand that feeling. It can be really hard to make friends as an adult.

people are wrapped up in their lives. I’m friends with a couple of my neighbors, but haven’t seen one for three weeks and the other since November. I really like them, but haven’t had a chance to arrange a coffee due to business of work, Xmas and now hibernation!

Also think it takes time for friendships to grow from clubs and activities. It takes time, so persevere with clubs.

To follow on from pp, the research shows that it takes around 50-90 hours to convert a casual acquaintance to a friend as an adult. Occasionally, you will get an "OMG" platonic connection with someone that feels more like a romantic attraction in its strength but those are once/ twice in a lifetime connections IME. Most are really about building up a relationship over time. I moved back to UK 3 years ago and some of my early "mum friend" connections are now converting into what I'd call independent, purely social friendships but that is via a lot of sports pitch chats/ manning PTA stalls, trading favours etc.