Guy I’m seeing has randomly gone travelling

[Ace56]

I’ve been seeing a guy for around 3 months. We are both in our early/mid thirties. We’ve discussed being exclusive but are not an official couple yet.

At the end of December he told me he’d randomly booked a last minute flight to a hot country outside Europe. I was away with my family for Xmas but we had been in contact as normal. I was a bit surprised but thought, oh well, good for you for wanting a bit of sun, and I knew this was a destination that was on his bucket list. He’d booked a one-way ticket only but said he would probably stay for a couple of weeks (he WFH permanently so has taken his laptop to work there).

It’s now been around 4 weeks and he recently told me he’s actually now flown to a neighbouring country to spend a bit of time there as well. He’s been in contact every day, sending me pics etc, so clearly wants to keep up a connection. However he seems in no rush to come back, is kind of just taking each day as it comes and doesn’t have a real plan of what he’s doing.

I’m not sure really what to feel about this? Is it a red flag? On the one hand I think well why not, if you want to travel and have the luxury of working remotely…but on the other hand I’m not sure where it leaves me. He’s not said he misses me or anything and has no idea when he’ll be back. Do I date others in the meantime? Call it off?

If you were only dating three months, it was probably first thought of before you started dating.

Its you call whether you call it off. Why don’t you ask him first more definitive plans?

He wasn’t keen to lock it down, you’re not exclusive so he is t bothered about you finding someone else, and he’s off travelling alone and didn’t invite you, doesn’t say he misses you, keeping you hanging around in case he wants to pick it up when he returns.

find someone who is actually invested in you.

He’s not really someone who is the the best place to be dating right now if his plans are for solo open ended travelling.

He probably had this planned and was looking for a bit of fun before he left

I would definitely date other people. Intentionally or not, this is classic breadcrumbing. He does what he likes, doesn't discuss it with you, doesn't say he misses you but chats daily to keep you roped in.

Try a few days of being too busy to reply. Plan some adventures of your own. Date some other men. See how you feel about him when he returns, if he returns.

Do you want a digital nomadic life? If not, he will never be the one for you.

I would not necessarily call it "red flag", but its clear you both want different things. He wants a casual friend he can sleep with occasionally, you want a relationship. Also, it is clear he is not really "into you" - he likes you but does not care if he loses you.

I would date other people and would not consider him for anything other than FWB if you ever need one. I would imagine he is seeing other people, too.

Though if you discussed and agreed on being exclusive, I would probably tell him that this is off the table as this is not working for you. Just to clear the air.

I would see him as a friend only at this point and dial back my interest and communicate.

There’s no way I would be waiting around for him to decide if and when he is coming back.

Put it this way, would you do this to someone you were interested in?

We were exclusive, as in we agreed we weren’t seeing anyone else while we were together. But I don’t know if that extends to him travelling, I don’t really know what his headspace is.

This is true, thank you.

Although I’m also not the type of person to book a last minute one-way ticket and travel alone, so it’s difficult for me to understand him I guess?

I would just see him as a friend for now and wouldn't get involved in big long conversations. He hasn't even said he misses you! That is not boyfriend material.

I’m rather envious, it sounds fantastic. The jammy thing! Imagine having so few tethers in life you could up sticks with a laptop and work anywhere! I would start in Belize, I think.

I wouldn’t put your life on hold for him, OP. See other people, do whatever suits you. If, when he’s back, you want to see him again then do so. But don’t wait around in the meantime.

I think I’d start dating other people if I were you! You’re not his priority

Do the same to him. Keep chatting if you’re available but definitely look for other romantic involvement.

If you’re around when he returns, and you fancy catching up for a chat/sh@g, then do it.

He’s not going to be ‘the one’ though, sorry.

I think I would maybe chat to him on call - face time etc - and tell him (not ask him) that you feel this whole thing is not really working, and you both should take a step back and date other people, at least for now. And maybe reconsider the situation once he is back.

He may act outraged or hurt etc but I can bet you anything he is already seeing other people. In all honesty, if he is a decent guy he will be relieved.

Alternatively, of course, you can just do what he is doing - get on with your life and not inform him of your plans or ideas.

You can definitely start dating other people, and I wouldn't be rushing to read his messages or spend time chatting with him either. You are friends now, and if he wants to pick up dating when he comes back...he can ask.

Pulling this sort of shit is probably why he was single.

I think this is the classic. He locked you down, but is probably having a good time travelling himself.

I AM the kind of person who buys a one-way ticket and travels. But if I was in a relationship, our expectations would be made clear before I went.

Where is he? Thailand or Prague is a different flavour to Oslo or Morocco.

The fact that his behaviour is hard to understand and leaves you guessing should be putting you off him imo. It tells you about his communication style, that it's vague, hard to pin down, and inconsiderate of your point of view. Nothing wrong with the travelling because you've only been dating 3 months and he shouldn't put his plans on hold, but all the leaving you wondering is so unnecessary. I imagine in the future there would be many more things he'd leave you wondering where you stood/what's going on, and you look back and say "I should have seen it coming really because back when we first met he went traveling and....".

He’s just not that into you.

This is the basic fact. I would just move on. Politely but firmly. Go back to dating. Stop talking about an “exclusive relationship “ with someone who is’nt even available. He’s a pen oal who gets lonely travelling and wants to have a bed friend when he’s home. Its not a relationship.

He's just not that into you

Does he talk about a future together or plans of when you are going to next meet up?

I confess to doing this to my bf of 3months when I was in my 20's . We are married now so it worked out for us. I think the fact you're chatting everyday and connected is great. If he didn't see potential I'm sure he would have ended things before he left. I guess the question is are you enjoying the relationship as it is for how? If not I'd dump.

There's nothing to call off, is there? You're no longer dating, after a few weeks of dates. Don't bother replying to his travel blog messages.
Never sit around waiting for some man.

Keep in touch but don't expect anything from him. Be open to the idea of meeting someone else. See how it goes.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder supposedly. If you like him I'd see what happens, the time to travel is before you want to settle, good on him.