Parents never call me

[RJP01]

Hi. Just wanted to ask a question to see if others experience the same. Do your parents call you? My parents are fit, healthy and able people yet for whatever the reason they never ever call me. Ever. They always expect me to call them. I've unfortunately have attended two funerals recently 1 week apart which they are fully aware of and yet they still haven't bothered to call me or message to see how I am. Wondering if anyone else has this?

I am 59 years old and can count on one hand the number of times my mother phoned me. We had zero relationship though

My kids and I speak several times a week though and see each other regularly throughout the week. Obviously a completely different relationship, thank God

I'm so sorry. That is astonishing. You deserve better. I hope you now in your own life you have made the family or close friendship group who show you the love you deserve x

So lovely to hear

My parents never call me, last time my Mum rang me was December 2023. She rings my brother weekly though. They came to ours at Xmas as always and I even got a sarcastic comment about me not ringing them. They are 70, active, of sound mins so there is no excuse. I end up ringing them out of guilt. Never had a falling out or anything so I don't know why. We live about an hour away and we visit every few weeks, we always have to instigate visiting but my parents won't come here unless formally invited. I'm never "invited' to theirs though. At least it's not just me.

Oh my days, do you have same parents as me? You have nailed pretty much mine. I'm sorry yours is the same. I really hope I'm not the same when my son gets older.

Tell them how you are feeling about it, if you don't mention it they may not realise it.

Same here, it's hard to strike a balance. I'd hate it if my Mum didn't call but 3 messages a day plus she's now on FB so uses FB messenger and sends me FB videos that have made her laugh! Oh and her Wordle result every day!!

I was going to start a thread on the same thing! We all get on very well. Absolutely no issues. But they never phone me. I have to phone them. It actually makes me really sad. My mum is terrible at answering her phone. So I usually ring my dad. Although they are usually together.
My mum tends to email occasionally.

I left home over 37 years ago and I think in that time my parents have spontaneously called me once, that was about 13 years ago, to see how my first day at a new job went.

Occasionally they suggest arranging a call, maybe once every few years.

I call them birthdays, mothers and fathers days, Xmas etc.

When I first left home I used to call every week but they never seemed interested or called me.

So weird isn't it. I'm sorry you have the same. I always say to DH I am determined to be better when my son is grown, not overbearing but let him know I care and I'm there for him.

Exactly is !

My dad never calls me,
20 years ago he dropped me off at uni and I didn't hear from him until Xmas!
Nowadays I ring him every couple of weeks and we spend maybe half an hour chatting on the phone
But every time it's been more than 2 weeks between calls he answers the phone and immediately complains that he hasn't heard from me in ages! My response is always the same "well you could always ring me!"
Strangely we get on better and find it easier to chat on the phone than in person, off considering I'm a millennial who hates speaking on the phone to anyone else!
Now I've got children I try and see him every couple of months
And in 20 years I can count on one hand the times he's visited my city...
I've just accepted he does want see me/hear from me and I'm lucky he's not at all needy

I meant my mum texts when she wants something! Pain in the behind big time!!

DF texts often and checks on me and DC which I'm grateful for. Never a phone call though.

DM never ever texts, calls or replies to messages for the last 5 years or so. She doesn't with any of her DC apart from the golden child. Just as well as in the past I would occasionally get a call shouting down the phone about her latest drama, argument with my DF or demanding me to do something for her.

I don't have a very good relationship with my parents or siblings. I'm a single parent and don't really have much emotional support at all from anyone really but that's another thread.

To add that I will do everything I can to keep in touch with my DC and continue to show an interest in their lives. God willing I will still be alive to see the grow up.

I think it depends how close you are really. My husband’s parents never call, his mum never even texts, his dad will occasionally text but usually only if he has bad news to pass on about BIL or a grandparent or if they need our help with something.

On the other hand I speak to my parents pretty much every day still, not usually on the phone but texts or we have a family chat so we all talk in there, see them at least once a week, and my gran rings me pretty much every day for a chat which I love. We are a much closer family than my husband’s though and always have been.

I communicate with my AC on WhatsApp lots, but very seldom ring them as they work and have children and it is hard to find a good time. I do not want to disturb them.They ring me when they are able. With a WhatsApp they can reply when they can.

My Mum never calls me. She will text but she doesn't half get a mard on if I don't call her 🙄

I have to call my Mum on my birthday. She gets annoyed if I don't. It's honestly ridiculous.

DM in 90’s rarely calls - she’s out 5/6 days a week and busy. I try to message once a week and she knows to call if she needs something. DD and I call each other a couple of times a week so DH and I can forge a relationship with our baby granddaughter as they live in a different country. We have no expectations on calls/contact as they have their own lives to lead as do we. There is no right or wrong way of doing things IMHO - do what works for you.

It’s tricky though . I never know when to call because they are busy and one is in Oz so the time difference is hard . I speak to two out of my three a couple of times a week but the one in Oz I have to WhatsApp to book a time to call and then sometimes my message isn’t read for a while. 🤷‍♀️
I am very close to my children so I don’t consider the regularity as a measure of our love between us .

I would be wary about anything changing. I asked my mother repeatedly to call me, I explained how unloved I felt. She said she would, and never did. Despite me calling her. I felt so sad and hurt. She really didn’t seem to care. She can sporadically just stop talking to me when I say too much of what I am feeling.

Alll hell breaks loose if her facade falls away and I don’t keep the pretence of a happy family.

In my own case, my mother is a covert narcissist and expects everyone else to do the running. She shouldn’t have to expend any energy at all on others.

I am very low contact now.

There is something totally soul destroying about doing all the running/visiting. I would put aside your guilt and rediscover your self respect - this felt more healthy to me rather than running after someone who clearly doesn’t care.

This thread has prompted me to go through old voicemail messages from my dear mum who died last year. Her voice rapidly goes from being young and strong sounding in late 2023 to deeper and wobbly then the last message was her struggling to speak at all, but still positive about not having had any side effects from her chemo.

We weren't particularly close but she was thoughtful and kind and she rang every week or so. I miss her.