DH Mum always giving him money/new clothes

[Ghostedornot]

Mil is very generous with her money and whenever DH sees her she gives him a good few hundred pounds, if he needs something new for his hobby he only has to drop a few hints and she buys it for him and picks him up bags of new clothes etc. I am, well, a bit envious! 😆

Mine gives me the odd fiver here and there, I don’t expect anything from my parents, I am self sufficient and wouldn’t expect anything from them but I guess I might be a bit envious of all the stuff!

We have separate finances so anything new I want I have to save up for it or I go without.

He’s lucky though and she’s generous with our children too. Thoughts?

Ick. Ick. Ick.

It’s just their relationship.
My mother is like this. I never hint at anything as I’m a self-sufficient adult in my 40s. But yet…she will come sneaking in some new accessories and a few hundred in an envelope.

When I do protest - she really takes offence.

So I just appreciate the gifts and her.

My Ils give DH £1000s a year but it goes straight into the joint account

Thoughts are that he's very lucky!

My mum is like this too, my parents are comfortable/well off and they know I'm not so she often gives me a sneaky £100 or buys something I've mentioned I'm saving up for. It's just a parent loving their child.

So everyone in the family benefits from her generosity except you?
Your OP doesn't go without but doesn't share to make sure you don't go without either?
Yeah, that's not nice.

I don’t find what she’s doing wrong…. The bit I’m more interested in is:
Does she ever treat / gift you too?
Does he share his money and treat you, as he will obviously have more disposable income if he never has to save for any large purchases he wants?

If it’s a no to either of the above, then it’s making you uncomfortable because you’re being excluded and they’re not treating you as part of the family 💐

Id chat to DH and explain that you see all this love being shown via gifts, yet you never receive any when there’s plenty of spare finances.
It’s just a token of love ❤️

The biggest issue here is that he doesn’t share any of the gifted money with you.

My dad gives me money and my mum won't let me pay for anything when we're out, even a tank of petrol. I don't need help with money but I know they like to be generous to their children, as I'm sure I will be in turn. They know we are all hardworking and sensible - they wouldn't be subsidising laziness or reckless spending.

I handed my sons girlfriend 60e yesterday as she was going to visit a friend, who just had a baby, for a few days and I knew she could do with a few quid to treat them both to takeaway or lunch. Why would that be seen as anything but nice? I didn't give my ds anything. I didn't mention it to him either.

Thank you for all your thoughts. I don’t begrudge DH the stuff he receives and it is her way of showing love and to him and our teenage children. No I don’t get anything from her, she was generous when I was pregnant with our first born, bought me clothes etc but nothing since and she’s forgotten my birthday a few times too! Christmas - my gift from her is a toiletry set and socks. DH gets hundreds of pounds and gift vouchers etc. DH doesn’t officially share the money with me, one time our teen let slip how much she gives him every time. DH is however also very generous and will treat me or give me money to treat myself/pay for a haircut or spa treatment.

I guess I am a bit envious as financially I have always had to fend for myself, I never had any support through uni or with rent, driving lessons etc, I’ve always had to just get on with it and work for what I’ve had.

You see him as an adult and she sees him as a kid. The person you love is the person she made. Just run with it.

Your issue here is the fact you’re not sharing finances and have to rely on your HUSBAND to be ‘generous’.

Id be grumpy too.

My MIL is very generous with her son and me. Maybe because my mother died a long time agi I don't know but she says I'm like her daughter and she treats me like that as well. I think if your love language is gifts and you have the means to give then it would be nice to include the Dil as well..

She’s treating him as a child and you as a second class citizen
Im not surprised you are cross!

I was brought up in care and foster homes never had much subsequently I've worked hard and been savvy with money! I'm in a position that I can help my daughters out. My youngest is always living hand to mouth and I can't see her struggle with my grandson. I constantly give her money most weeks £50 to a hundred. I'm ok with it or anyone helping their children out! Gives me a reason to still work I guess.

Hmm that’s a bit strange and I think really he should say to her oh thanks for the money “we” will use that for “insert household need”. She clearly doesn’t view you as part of her family.

No idea why this bothers you. My mum still treats me ... That's what mums do?

I give my adult children gifts of money occasionally. They're both in school and working and times are rough.

I don't gift their SOs money. If they want to share, that's their business.

I think the odd treat is fine - something small you know your dc will like, a funny gift you’ve picked up for them - this is hundreds of pounds. It’s a different scale and that’s what makes it weird.

I give my DS an DDIL money equally. My DDIL is a wonderful wife to my DS, so I love to give her treats the same as I do my DS.

Not that abnormal. My parents do this and occasionally my DP’s too.

But these are things that parents generally do for their own children when they are young adults. I don’t really think it’s up to your mil to make up for the fact that your parents couldn’t afford or wouldn’t do this.
Surely if your DH gets all this extra money, then he pays for more treats for the family so you do indirectly benefit?