Is it my stuff? Because if it's mine I'm burning it

[Drowningincokezero]

I have a new exBF as of this morning since I've found him sexting another woman. He was all set to move in and has filled my house with his furniture, tools and other stuff in advance. It's all excess to my requirements - the plan was to sell it on, just store it for now.
He now wants it back since I've told him this morning that we're over, but I really feel like I owe him no favours. I've so far said that he's welcome to it but neither he nor his family members are welcome at the house. To be honest I'm feeling really proud of how strong I'm being. Seeing any one of them, or even more so him, would crush me. I'm expecting him to arrange for a neutral person to collect it at some point.
But I really want to take scissors to his clothes, throw water over his artwork, or even burn the whole lot! Maybe it's enough just to get this out there in written form, but I really don't want to take this lying down. He's taken me for an absolute fool. The typical mistaking my kindness for weakness and the anger in me wants to show him how wrong he was. So far I've acted with dignity throughout and know that I'm better off without him. But man, the urge is strong... What would you do?

But really, do you want to show him your devastated and angry and a wee bit crazy so he counts his blessings that he 'got away'? Or just distant, bored and already over him before his ass cleared your doorway? Because coolth and grace are the winning strategies there... Act too good for him, because you are. 🏆

'you're', not your

You have dodged a bullet at least it’s just some stuff and you are not stuck trying to get him out as well.

You should change any locks he has a key for.

Get his stuff out.

Tell him to book a man with a van, as soon as possible, put all his crap outside at an allocated hour and they can take it away.

Take references photos.

His crap, his cost. Give him a deadline date.

Then dance around your lovely clear house again that you weren’t stuck washing a cheater’s socks in your home.

Whiny I understand you have been hurt you are now creating unnecessary drama and conflict.

Just arrange a set time for him to come and get his belongings and if you like, have someone with you for support.

No need to even speak to him let alone start a slanging match.

Let him get his things quickly and quietly.

Furthermore…. do an “Irreplaceable” by Beyoncé… let him come collect his stuff and have another man there 😂
To the left👈… to the left 👈

Simple message like ‘Hi lyingcheatingdickwad, your stuff needs be out of my property within 24/48/whatever suits you as hours. After that, it will be neatly stacked on the kerb and no longer my responsibility. You’ve been warned.

thats what I’d do!!

What would you do?

Arrange a date for him to collect it all and have a friend with me when he does. Maybe leave it out front if necessary.

No fuss, no drama.

Box it all up and stack in one corner/room. Ask a friend to be there while he comes and collects if you don't want to see him. You stay out of the way in another room or be out somewhere at the time.

I wouldn't be arranging movement to another location on his behalf.

If it's going to storage for a month it would be a shame if a bag of shopping accidentally got mixed up with it and some Stilton cheese and prawns leaked over it wouldn't it?

This. I'd absent myself and get men friends or hired security to monitor the removal. Tag what he's permitted to take so they know and can watch him.

Thing is, if you are intending to send a message that you are strong, by destroying his stuff, I don't think you're thinking straight about how that will be interpreted. Lashing out at possessions, might well look more like weakness than strength. It will also give everyone he knows chance to call you crazy and tell him that he's best off without you.

I would think twice about putting things in storage, as you will be liable for the costs ongoing if he doesn't collect it.

Being a grown up means having compassion too.

I’ve read all the replies. Glitter is clearly the answer. Plus a date when it will all be outside to collect

You have all made me smile, both out of humour and solidarity I can't thank you enough. He lives 400 miles away hence the gradually fetching stuff up between visits so I'm tending to veer towards the exact date for things to be collected outside approach, because I know how hard that would be for him to fall in line with.
His family aren't involved, no - except for the fact that I really liked them all and it would just make me sad/mad that they're out of the picture now, too. Plus it was an easy out for him - he'd just send his son, but then that's just another somebody doing the hard work for him.

Great point about the costs of ongoing storage falling to me. He'd have to arrange and pay for it and at best I'd get a friend to help me drop it down for him to collect later.

Well done for acting so fast and i am so glad you found out what he now before he moved in properly. Today is a day for thanking your lucky stars.

arrange a time for collection, leave it all outside for that time. Tell him if it's not collected by X time, it's going to the dump.

I’d pack all his stuff up in an organised and neat fashion and arrange a time for him to pick it up from the garden. One thing I have learned as I get older, is that keeping the moral high ground is the one thing you can hold on to and remember later, when the pain has passed, with pride and acceptance & it feels bloody great!

What would I do?

Not commit a crime thats for bloody sure.

If you want to be grown up and 'proud' of yourself then just give him his stuff back and never see him again after that instead of acting like a child with emotional control and anger issues.

If you do destroy his stuff then enjoy being dragged to court, losing any moral high ground (and a lot of money) and having the whole thing dragged out for much longer.

I'd have it boxed up (in cardboard boxes) and leave them in the front garden. Tell him to collect them from the garden, preferably when Storm Eowyn is about to hit!

I don't think anyone would think any less of you for not storing the stuff inside your home.

He lives 400 miles away hence the gradually fetching stuff up between visits
Give him one date to pick it up - tell him he needs to hire a man/van to take it in one go and anything left by 6pm that day will be thrown away. Have a friend with you.

Be explicit and have it in writing, either email or text. Screenshot it in case he deletes it.

Just tell him needs to prioritise collecting it asap so you can draw a line under things and both move on. Let's face it, he could hire a van and collect tomorrow.

Mind you, when my ex moved out he would not come and collect some bits and pieces - kept saying it might x date or y date. I put them in a box and told him I was bringing them round and if he wasn't there I'd just leave them on the pavement. He was there and that was the last I saw if him.

And he'll just have to arrange time off work/not watch the match, etc, etc whatever the bloody excuse is

Not your problem. He can hire a man with a van.

He should have considered this might happen before he chose to get himself dumped.

Bin bags are the way to go. Three or four msgs/emails informing him of the date for pick up from front lawn. Ensure that that day is your bin day, preferably with rain (or worse) forecast.

Open bin bags may collect the rain, so be very careful that the contents don’t get damp.

Also ensure that fragile items are carefully looked after.