New relationship and lack of compliments

[Maja23]

Hi everyone , I recently started dating someone. 2 months in. Everything going great. However, he doesn’t really compliment me much. We send each other pics back and forth and I always comment on his how great he looks, heart emojis, fire emojis . Him on the other hand - he comments on stuff around the picture and not really me. Like I send selfie with getting costa and he asks what coffee I’m having . First time we met I told him he is handsome and didn’t get it in return. I can tell he fancies me by behaviour. At the beginning It didn’t bother me as much as I thought it’s just not his style, but it started bothering me once I actually started giving hints that I need some reassurance and week ago even told him that I would appreciate some verbal reassurance he fancies me. His reply was “I’m seeing you, we have great chats, you know you are pretty girl” which felt like half compliment and no improvement since. It’s just strange - it’s so easy for him to satisfy it-just tell me I’m pretty when you remember it’s important to me once a week . Any thoughts ? It’s so confusing …

Thoughts? Grow up maybe?

I’d love this from a man tbh because I find compliments back and forth cringey . I’d find being told to tell my partner I found them attractive really needy tbh

Actions absolutely speak far louder than a few words for sake of keeping you sweet

Well I would definitely stop complimenting him, for a start.

It's tricky because what does it mean, oh you look pretty/lovely/sexy. Why do we need that assurance I wonder. But we often do.

Does he say nothing at all like that?! What about in bed, does he say nice stuff then?

Oh please! Can posters not attack OP for expecting some interest and admiration from her date? She likes to know that he is attracted to her—its not a crime against British phlegm.

My dh still admires me 35 years on as I deliquesce like a collapsed eggplant. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but if he doesn’t see it now he never will. If she likes a compliment he’s not the man for her.

I would be very wary of a man like this… maybe he likes the fact that his lack of compliments make you feel insecure.

It’s been two months. Why bother

@pikkumyy77 thank you for your kind comment. Exactly i just want to feel wanted by partner. I don’t need crazy compliments but it’s just noticeable here.

@Kebabbky that is exactly what freaks me out. It almost feels now he does it on purpose . Being in emotionally abusive relationships in past makes me wonder / scared what’s next

Stop complimenting him for a start.

Different people want different things, some want compliments, others don’t, some give them, others don’t.

My ex rarely complimented me and I thought I was fine with it. Then I met a man who told me I looked gorgeous frequently and said lovely things about every aspect of me all the time. I loved sending him a casual selfie, and he loved getting them. He made me absolutely shine and glow, I was almost a different person around me, being with him made me feel happy and good for days.

I now do look for that in a guy because I’ve learned it matters to me, I love being adored.

I myself, however, am pretty crap at giving compliments! Trying to improve.

If this is something that’s important to you, he’s not for you. One of the key things about a new partner and being newly loved up should be that you feel amazing and high.

Starting a thread on Mumsnet about a new partner is never a good sign for a relationship!

Really? Why are you fishing for compliments? Actions are what matters

That is strange, and I don't think I'd like that either. If the person who's supposed to be attracted to you, supposed to find you irresistible, if THEY don't even have a compliment for you, then who will?

I think it's a potential red flag. Could easily be a power play. Could be he fears you feeling good about yourself.

Agreed.

Also OP, I know this might be hard to hear, but maybe he doesn’t find you physically that beautiful and he doesn’t want to lie?
Modern feminism has talked a lot to men in recent decades that women are not to be seen as physical objects of desire and should be appreciated for more than that.
So maybe he listened and is with you because he just really likes your personality and has chosen to ignore your looks.
Maybe you sending him photos of yourself fishing for compliments about how you look is a bit old fashioned these days and makes him uncomfortable?

I’m not sure though, just throwing it out there.

@sometimesmovingforwards no it crossed my mind too that maybe he doesn’t find me attractive - but then I would rather him saying it and it would be over no hard feelings-not every man needs to find me attractive 😅

@ElleintheWoods I never realised I need compliments - maybe I just never had a relationship where man wouldn’t compliment me . So if you asked me 2 months ago if it would bother me to be with someone who doesn’t compliment me I would say it would be ok😅 at least I learnt something about myself here

also …he did mention few times how good I make him feel by complimenting him which makes this even weirder 😅 you all I right I’ll stop complimenting and see if it changes things or at least make me feel less bothered by it . I stopped sending selfies already

He’s not your partner, he’s a casual fling at this point. He doesn’t communicate the way you want and he’s not meeting your emotional needs. Bin him off.

It’s not really about compliments is it, it’s that he’s not reciprocating. You’re telling him how great he is and how handsome he is and he asks you what coffee you’re having. It’s not the same.

I bet he’s loved the ego boosting he’s had from you. Is he really that handsome? Not many of them are.😁

Honestly he is average but I love his eyes and obviously we connected on emotional level so I started fancying him more and more😅

He’s not good for you OP. You are naturally generous and warm with your words, he is withholding. Dont get any deeper into something which will leave you feeling starved of warmth and compliments. The world can be so harsh and our partners should offset this with loving words and behaviours.

Obviously some people are different but it’s totally ok to want some compliments and warmth from your partner. They should be your number one fan and cheerleader above everyone else.

I wondered too if he was witholding. It’s quite natural to compliment someone back whether that’s a friend or whoever.

@Maja23 I have exactly the same guy and to be honest I'm inclined to think at this point it is a bit of a power play.

Objectively I know I'm attractive so it's either that he doesn't find me attractive or he feels like he doesn't need/want to compliment me so that I don't get 'above my station'.

Originally I would have also said i wasn't bothered about compliments and when people are too complimentary it makes me cringe but it's when you get absolutely nothing!

Surely as a boyfriend/girlfriend it's something you at least do sometimes? Whether it's when they've had a good haircut, or dress up for an evening out - new aftershave, hell i tend to compliment most when we're in bed.

He is emotionally quite repressed however and I've never heard him give anyone a compliment kids/family/friends. So I made a decision to base it on his actions which are loving and to stop worrying about just words which are nice to hear but are easy to say.
Actions are what matters most in a relationship.

Is he really that handsome? Not many of them are.😁

So true! Although these men seem to believe they are.

Can't say I've ever noticed compliments back and forth in any of my relationships. I would find it weird and fakeish personally. But I wouldn't say it's that normal these days to look like you need told you always look good 😊

After 2 months you're connected on an emotional level?! How can you be if you haven't told him how much his lack of compliments is hurting you?

yeah thats pretty much what I was thinking.

That he's negging her.

I agree with this. I've been with my partner for 5 years and I can count on one hand the amount of nice things he's said about my appearance from a photo I've sent him. I, on the other hand am much more complimentary when he sends me pictures (as a genuine reaction- heart emoji/ you look handsome etc). He is not overly emotional/ good at talking about his feelings but when he's had a couple of drinks he's very loving/complimentary. His actions also speak louder- he plans dates, is reliable, affectionate and kind. Sometimes our love languages might not be the same and perhaps words of affirmation are not high on someone's list. Don't give up!

My friends husband never ever compliments her and I've always found it so strange. He is ten years older than her and she is extremely attractive while he is not very and I've always thought that he doesn't want to compliment her incase she believes she could do better.

I think it's a bit of a red flag and wouldn't like it. My DH compliments me every day after 14 years of marriage and it's lovely 🥰