New relationship and lack of compliments

[Maja23]

Hi everyone , I recently started dating someone. 2 months in. Everything going great. However, he doesn’t really compliment me much. We send each other pics back and forth and I always comment on his how great he looks, heart emojis, fire emojis . Him on the other hand - he comments on stuff around the picture and not really me. Like I send selfie with getting costa and he asks what coffee I’m having . First time we met I told him he is handsome and didn’t get it in return. I can tell he fancies me by behaviour. At the beginning It didn’t bother me as much as I thought it’s just not his style, but it started bothering me once I actually started giving hints that I need some reassurance and week ago even told him that I would appreciate some verbal reassurance he fancies me. His reply was “I’m seeing you, we have great chats, you know you are pretty girl” which felt like half compliment and no improvement since. It’s just strange - it’s so easy for him to satisfy it-just tell me I’m pretty when you remember it’s important to me once a week . Any thoughts ? It’s so confusing …

How about you say something playfully during a snuggly time like 'I've noticed you're not much for giving personal compliments, which is a damn shame, because then you'd really see the lights go on.'

Then just leave it at that.
If another few weeks go by without him taking the hint, then, 'with great regret John, you're fired.'

OP, be wary.
Its a power play and that is ugly.
It takes effort to withhold a natural response.

Throw him back.
He is not worth your time when he puts his energy into being a twat.

He sounds like a head fxxk....who needs it?

When dumping don't mention the compliments.
Just say he just didn't do it for you, no matter how much you tried.
Fxxk him😁

Mixed thoughts on this.

I agree if you're significantly annoyed by this early on, it will continue to be an issue.

If you've asked him to mention "you look great" or "I love your dress" when meeting and he can't remember that, it's really not good in terms of how highly he ranks you on his list of priorities. Or could be negging.

I guess though the whole "sending regular daily photos and requiring appropriate emoticons and likes" culture is a bit too much for some people.

Especially if they're not big on WA or text chatting or flirting generally. May be due to personality or age or not into online chatting.

Is he active on social media? What's he like with others? Is he generally quite a reserved person? Does he tend to "like" many photos or comment on them?

I've found it a total turnoff when I've seen someone who is capable of being effusive and chatty and friendly on X or Instagram, but taciturn with me.

There's that phrase "street angel, house devil" - men who are cold with those they are intimate with and charming with the banter and compliments to people they barely know.

You don't want one of those for sure!

I’d find that really hurtful tbh. He can’t claim he didn’t know it would make you feel good if he’s openly told you that being complimented makes him feel good about himself!

My DP calls me “beautiful Snowy” in his text messages, tells me I’m so pretty when he looks at me before kissing me goodbye and makes me feel sexy and beautiful, despite me being an average looking overweight 50 year old. He’s younger than me, tall dark and handsome, but I love that he’s deluded enough to feel lucky to have me!

I know I’m not the most beautiful woman in any room but I appreciate him implying that I am. It’s not about objective truth it’s about how someone makes you feel.

Do you know him personally ?!

I agree with this. He either doesn’t compliment you on purpose to ‘train you’ what to expect, or he doesn’t care enough about you to listen to what you want.

Perhaps paying compliments is not his style (and this in itself would really bother me) but he should do that once you ask him for reassurance.

I don’t know, I don’t like the sound of him. After a couple of months of a man told me that he likes me because ‘’we have great chats’ I would stop seeing him. That may be enough for many other women, but it’s not for me.

He feels your compliments have a positive effect on him but isn’t willing to reciprocate? 🚩

Definitely stop the compliments, OP. And stop sending the selfies.

That’s a no-brainer.

Sit back and see how he reacts.

Personally, I suspect either he doesn’t want to boost your self-esteem and is deliberately holding back or he genuinely doesn’t find you that attractive. Either ways it’s not a good sign that he is happy to receive but not give in this situation.

He could be complimentary about stuff other than your looks and it doesn't sound as if he's even doing that. Has he ever said he likes your voice, cooking, the way you laugh? He has said you complimenting his looks makes him feel good so it's selfish not to reciprocate. You want to know what he finds attractive about you.

I would be feeling uneasy too. Of course you don't want to be love-bombed, but no compliments at all is weird. I'm a little disturbed by him saying "You know you're a pretty girl" when you brought it up. He sounds withholding and a little hostile, and ignoring your photo by commenting on things in the background is weird and mean, too. Any normal person would say "Looking good!" or something, at least.

I'd be uncomfortable with the psychology behind this determination of his not to pay your looks any compliments. I had one or two men like this when I was younger and better-looking, and it was as if they had decided, from the off, with no evidence, that I needed taking down a peg or two. They were not on my side, fundamentally.

Are you better-looking than him? Id he jealous and insecure? Or does he just not like women very much? These are the vibes I'm getting. Plus, this is meant to be the beginning, the best stage. It's not going to get any better! Throw him back.

Yup. Agree. And agree with someone else who also said it was a power play.