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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner has no sympathy or empathy for my pregnancy

28 replies

Sweetmama2 · 18/01/2025 17:34

My job has been stressful, and I’m balancing being 30 weeks pregnant while trying to meet my partner’s high expectations. He wants sex every day because his exes provided that, and I’m the first woman he’s lived with who’s carrying his child. Recently, I caught the flu after a 15-hour flight. While I rested, he cleaned, shoveled snow, grocery shopped, and cooked for me. He got upset that I didn’t help or have sex with him that night, even though I was sick. Later, I woke up to do some small chores but didn’t finish everything, which made him angrier because I didn’t wake him to help or feed him.

The next morning, I woke up feeling worse and saw him packing his suitcase. He said he’s exhausted by me, left for a few days, and didn’t answer my calls. I went to my mom’s house, where she’s been taking care of me, but I’ve been crying every night, losing my appetite, and fearing for my baby’s health. When he finally answered, he said he’s at peace with me being away, thinks I’m making excuses for not being sexual or attentive, and wants me to change immediately. I feel like I’m failing him now and will keep failing during postpartum. I don’t want to give up, but I’m overwhelmed and can’t enjoy intimacy with so much pressure. What should I do?

OP posts:
crackfoxy · 18/01/2025 17:35

Leave him. He sounds horrible.

Mrsttcno1 · 18/01/2025 17:37

Leave.

Believe me when I say this will only get worse once baby is here. My daughter is 9 months old now but in those first few weeks & months especially it’s an achievement even getting dressed before 2pm and getting to bedtime, postpartum is very much the good, bad & ugly and you will not have the time, energy or inclination to be “attentive or intimate” with him.

Walk away now.

BellissimoGecko · 18/01/2025 17:39

What a horror. Well, you can't buy him empathy, so I'd leave him. Imagine how awful he'd be once your baby is here! Does he know or understand anything about pregnancy and/or hormones? What a tool.

LostittoBostik · 18/01/2025 17:40

Mrsttcno1 · 18/01/2025 17:37

Leave.

Believe me when I say this will only get worse once baby is here. My daughter is 9 months old now but in those first few weeks & months especially it’s an achievement even getting dressed before 2pm and getting to bedtime, postpartum is very much the good, bad & ugly and you will not have the time, energy or inclination to be “attentive or intimate” with him.

Walk away now.

I came to say this

Janelle84 · 18/01/2025 17:40

Is this for real? Get out now before baby arrives. Buy him a flesh light. Wtf is wrong with men? Your not there to service his dick daily fgs

Semiramide · 18/01/2025 17:40

This man will never be a proper husband and father.

Cut your losses now.

Invest in building up your self esteem before you even consider another relationship.

monicagellerbing · 18/01/2025 17:41

Jesus what did I read. Please do not go back to this utter cunt of a man. What an absolute disgusting human being he is

Viviennemary · 18/01/2025 17:41

Get rid.End of. Nightmare man.

fanaticalfairy · 18/01/2025 17:42

Ugh.

Leave the disgusting, selfish human being.

Tell him to stay where he is a d fuck off.

Block his number and pay yourself on the back for making the best decision of your life.

itsobviousright · 18/01/2025 17:42

Sweetmama2 · 18/01/2025 17:34

My job has been stressful, and I’m balancing being 30 weeks pregnant while trying to meet my partner’s high expectations. He wants sex every day because his exes provided that, and I’m the first woman he’s lived with who’s carrying his child. Recently, I caught the flu after a 15-hour flight. While I rested, he cleaned, shoveled snow, grocery shopped, and cooked for me. He got upset that I didn’t help or have sex with him that night, even though I was sick. Later, I woke up to do some small chores but didn’t finish everything, which made him angrier because I didn’t wake him to help or feed him.

The next morning, I woke up feeling worse and saw him packing his suitcase. He said he’s exhausted by me, left for a few days, and didn’t answer my calls. I went to my mom’s house, where she’s been taking care of me, but I’ve been crying every night, losing my appetite, and fearing for my baby’s health. When he finally answered, he said he’s at peace with me being away, thinks I’m making excuses for not being sexual or attentive, and wants me to change immediately. I feel like I’m failing him now and will keep failing during postpartum. I don’t want to give up, but I’m overwhelmed and can’t enjoy intimacy with so much pressure. What should I do?

What do you do? Don't go back. He is an abhorrent cunt of a man who will only get worse. He's done you a favour - protect yourself, and your baby

user2848502016 · 18/01/2025 17:42

Stay with your mum, he's abusing you x

Donttellempike · 18/01/2025 17:42

Sweetmama2 · 18/01/2025 17:34

My job has been stressful, and I’m balancing being 30 weeks pregnant while trying to meet my partner’s high expectations. He wants sex every day because his exes provided that, and I’m the first woman he’s lived with who’s carrying his child. Recently, I caught the flu after a 15-hour flight. While I rested, he cleaned, shoveled snow, grocery shopped, and cooked for me. He got upset that I didn’t help or have sex with him that night, even though I was sick. Later, I woke up to do some small chores but didn’t finish everything, which made him angrier because I didn’t wake him to help or feed him.

The next morning, I woke up feeling worse and saw him packing his suitcase. He said he’s exhausted by me, left for a few days, and didn’t answer my calls. I went to my mom’s house, where she’s been taking care of me, but I’ve been crying every night, losing my appetite, and fearing for my baby’s health. When he finally answered, he said he’s at peace with me being away, thinks I’m making excuses for not being sexual or attentive, and wants me to change immediately. I feel like I’m failing him now and will keep failing during postpartum. I don’t want to give up, but I’m overwhelmed and can’t enjoy intimacy with so much pressure. What should I do?

He’s absolutely horrible. And when the baby arrives he’ll probably get worse.

Run and keep running

MatriarchalMadness · 18/01/2025 17:42

He wants sex every day when you've only got a couple of months until the birth. What a selfish pig. He'll be expecting sex even more after you've had the baby. He sounds horrible. Tell him to fuck right off.

SemperIdem · 18/01/2025 17:45

This is absolutely not normal behaviour on his part. It is abusive. There’s a reason those ex’s are ex’s and the problem absolutely was not them!

Juiceinacup · 18/01/2025 17:51

Please don’t get back with him he’s going to resent the child for taking away your attention that he thinks belongs to him. Can only imagine the sexual pestering you are going to get postpartum when he’s missing his daily sex. It sounds like he only acts as a decent partner in order to get guaranteed sex, otherwise he can’t be bothered. Does he even like you or are you just convenient, I’m guessing you know about his previous partners because he told you about how they met his “needs”. Didn’t keep them together did it though?
Do you want your future to be an expectation of daily sex, whether you want it or not, even if you are Iill or exhausted from looking after the baby, guilt tripping you for not doing enough then him stropping off if he doesn’t get what he wants and then he’ll break up with you anyway.
Save yourself time and energy and make the break now.

Scottishskifun · 18/01/2025 18:08

Why would you want to be with someone who shows zero respect for you? For him to throw a hissy fit when you refused because you were ill is absolutely disgusting.
It is absolutely not normal to demand sex everyday, he is abusive.

Protect yourself but most of all protect your baby from such a monster. Stay with your mum.

I didn't have sex with my husband for about 6 months post partum which both my children, he never mentioned it and knew to respect my boundaries of not being ready, healing and caring for a tiny baby. Your "partner" sounds like he would demand it as soon as you leave the hospital. How that can't give you the serious ick of being a sex pest I don't know.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 18/01/2025 18:37

That's no life.

Please leave him.

Msmoonpie · 18/01/2025 18:41

What about him made you want to have a baby with him ?

WakingUpToReality · 18/01/2025 19:25

OP, your description of him made me feel so awful for you. If he could really leave you that would be a blessing but unfortunately he will be back as he sounds highly manipulative. I mean this gently but I would suggest counselling at some point so you could discover why your self-worth is so low. Leave him. Seek the support of friends and family. Look after yourself and make you and the baby the priority, not this man-child.

Heidi2018 · 18/01/2025 19:28

I never ever jump on the "LTB" bandwagon but seriously, leave!!!! This is horrible behaviour. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for here. He is an absolute pig.

Side note but does he know that women aren't advised to have intercourse until at least 6 weeks after birth (and many many don't feel physically or emotional ready, and it's very often longer)! I would genuinely worry what he would force you to do during this time when you are physically, mentally and emotionally drained!

ZekeZeke · 18/01/2025 19:44

Good news - you are not married. You work, so you have financial independence.
You have a supportive mother.

Is the home yours? If so, ask him to leave.
Are you safe?

MayaPinion · 18/01/2025 19:51

Tell him to fuck off, and then when he’s fucked off, tell him to fuck off more. He’s a lying gaslighting fuckwit. His exes did not have sex with him every day for a start. Your priority is your baby and he is REALLY not going to like not being the centre of your world. It’s about to get a whole lot worse.

theallotmentqueen · 18/01/2025 19:56

He sounds like a fucking creep. It's especially vile that he tried to pressure (force) you into having sex with him.

pikkumyy77 · 18/01/2025 19:57

Gobsmacked.

RedRock41 · 18/01/2025 20:02

I’m so sorry lovely. That sounds really tough. Unfortunately a newborn likely to create even more reasons you’ll not want to be intimate. All completely understandable. If you can move in with your Mum and focus instead on being the best new Mum you can be that be best thing you can do. You don’t need two kids and if he doesn’t get it now you’ve more important things to focus on. No man is worth your tears. If he was he wouldn’t make you cry in the first place. Go no contact if you need time to rest and make sure little one ok. All this stress can’t be good.

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