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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does this mean I’m free?

52 replies

UpandUnderIt · 16/01/2025 07:43

Long term relationship broke down over lockdown, no dc on either side. He essentially grew distant, insisted nothing was wrong before moving out, blaming family illness. Refused to admit there was a problem or talk it through, just kept saying he was busy in work and worried about his family member and phased me out of his life. I was heartbroken, he was so cold but I eventually moved on, moved house, new job, all the cliches and was starting to feel happy again when you guessed it, he came back on the scene. We’ve been talking for probably a year, I have been very, very guarded with him, have not allowed him near me sexually but we’ve been meeting up and doing things, have joined a gym and been on holiday together and have been speaking on the phone every day. I’ve felt pretty happy and peaceful and hopeful that things will work out in the end.

Last night he sent me a photo of something he was doing at home and I made a joke, insulting his cutlery of all things because it looked like a child’s fork. Immediately he went silent and made an excuse to end the call. I didn’t think much of it and text him later on to which he didn’t reply. I messaged again asking if all was ok and he replied saying he was unhappy about what I’d said about his fork (?!) and that it wasn’t a nice thing to say etc. I laughingly apologised thinking he couldn’t be serious but then realised that he was.

That he is still in the headspace where he will use absolutely anything to cause an issue and give me the silent treatment and that I’m not willing to feel this anxiety in the pit of my stomach anymore when I know he is ignoring me. To be honest I felt triggered after the last episode. Our break up was drawn out over almost two years because he refused to end things, to speak to me, to explain himself and I just desperately hung on hoping it was actually to do with work stress or ill relatives, or any of the other excuses he gave me and that everything would be ok as he was saying. At the time I believed myself to be in love and was blind with attraction and tender feelings for him. Almost five years on I just see a middle aged man having a ridiculous tantrum over a fork and it’s not appealing in the slightest. I’ve blocked him. I think this might be it. I think I hope it is.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 16/01/2025 18:09

My ex was like this. We have a good co-parenting relationship so I know that 14yrs on, he is still the same. When I saw him treat our 18yr old DS in that way I erupted and gave him some home truths, told him he’s a nice person but massively lets himself down with this childish (but equally abusive) side to him.

Sassybooklover · 16/01/2025 19:02

He hasn't changed at all. He's just lured you into a false sense of security. It's time to move on, and leave this man as an ex and in the past, where he belongs. Block him. Put the last year down to experience and find someone who deserves you.

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