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Original poster

Cheating on fabswingers?

34 replies

Smh1990 · 16/01/2025 00:36

Fed up with my boyfriend when I was 5 weeks postpartum I found messages to a girl on his phone. That he claimed was a fake profile messaging him. Because of the shock I didn’t read them all but the first message said “did you cum for me dadddy?” Which he said was her opening line and that’s how he knew it was fake hahahaha f**&&’g ha!! Anyway we managed to get over that and im now 6 months postpartum.

he was being shady with his phone all week again and he was hiding it when I was around and then I went to go borrow his charger and couldn’t find it only to find he had put it in the spare room with his phone attached while he had popped out … bingo

I went straight to his history and found fab swingers and clicked it and found a profile but he had been messaging MEN!! I also found a link to a 20yr old woman in lacy black lingerie on the same sight who turned out to be trans and was flashing her penis.

he told me it was all a fake account to catch out his friend who uses the sight and is cheating on his gf with males. I have heard stories about his friend from years ago and it’s not far from the truth but it’s makes no sense either way!!! He also claimed he didn’t pay membership but it said on his account he was a gold member

feeling fed up now!! I don’t know if he’s lying or not?! But I feel like I don’t know him anymore!! We just bought a house together and I can’t stand any of this

he said he didn’t pay for membership unless it gave him free membership or it was a mistake but after looking at how to sign up I know he had to have given permission. What am I missing??

Cheating on fabswingers?
Cheating on fabswingers?
Cheating on fabswingers?
OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 16/01/2025 00:49

What more do you need to see to get it into your head that your partner is a cheating, lying scumbag. Seriously! Do you need to actually catch him in the act? I would be seeing a lawyer about selling the house or he buys you out. Either way, the relationship is over because you can’t trust him and no wonder. Please, leave and don’t bring your child up around this.

Original poster
Smh1990 · 16/01/2025 01:17

TipsyJoker · 16/01/2025 00:49

What more do you need to see to get it into your head that your partner is a cheating, lying scumbag. Seriously! Do you need to actually catch him in the act? I would be seeing a lawyer about selling the house or he buys you out. Either way, the relationship is over because you can’t trust him and no wonder. Please, leave and don’t bring your child up around this.

He was so convincing but when I try bring it up he cries and says he fell out with this friend years ago because of the swinging and he’s upset that the guy now goes with men as well. He told me he’s trying to catch him out but I’m sick of this gaslighting. I will be confronting him tomorrow so he knows I wasn’t born yesterday!!

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 16/01/2025 01:27

To have gold membership he has paid. It's £5 per 30 days generally, then deals for more days if you pay by bank transfer.

It'll show as a gold medal on his profile page. If there are other icons there they mean different things.

If there's a green flag then it means he's done a photo verification. That photo will likely be in the account somewhere. It's either a face photo (so would definitively show it was him) or a headless body shot.

ARichtGoodDram · 16/01/2025 01:27

Also if there's a green circle with a white tick then he's been verified by showing himself on cam to someone or met someone.

H112 · 16/01/2025 02:06

Girl. No matter what he does you know he's lying to you. Leave.

PickledElectricity · 16/01/2025 02:12

Smh1990 · 16/01/2025 01:17

He was so convincing but when I try bring it up he cries and says he fell out with this friend years ago because of the swinging and he’s upset that the guy now goes with men as well. He told me he’s trying to catch him out but I’m sick of this gaslighting. I will be confronting him tomorrow so he knows I wasn’t born yesterday!!

Show quote history

No don't confront him. He will spin you some other line. Kick him out. Get someone you trust to move in with you for a few days to provide support.

I know you're desperate for this to be fake but if you keep forgiving him he will just get better at covering his tracks.

Rachmorr57 · 16/01/2025 02:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

notatinydancer · 16/01/2025 05:37

@Smh1990 sorry but obviously cheating.
He tells you he wants to catch his friend out going with men. Even if his friend was doing that , so what? None of his business.

GingerGirl4549 · 16/01/2025 06:07

notatinydancer · 16/01/2025 05:37

@Smh1990 sorry but obviously cheating.
He tells you he wants to catch his friend out going with men. Even if his friend was doing that , so what? None of his business.

This! Why on earth would he need to catch his friend out? Particularly in this way. It's a complete lie.

Elasticatedtrousers · 16/01/2025 06:34

He's clearly lying. He's manipulating you with the crying.

He is an entirely unsafe partner for you, putting you at risk emotionally, mentally and risking your sexual health.

I'm so sorry but he is nasty and you need rid of him.

Lampzade · 16/01/2025 06:46

He is most definitely cheating.
Ignore those fake tears

Sugargliderwombat · 16/01/2025 06:48

I think He's crying becayse he's scared you'll tell people.

Lurkingandlearning · 16/01/2025 07:10

Smh1990 · 16/01/2025 01:17

He was so convincing but when I try bring it up he cries and says he fell out with this friend years ago because of the swinging and he’s upset that the guy now goes with men as well. He told me he’s trying to catch him out but I’m sick of this gaslighting. I will be confronting him tomorrow so he knows I wasn’t born yesterday!!

Show quote history

In really uncomfortable situations that I dread or make me anxious I often don’t think on my feet or do joined up thinking. Perhaps you’re similar? The whole setting up a fake account to fool a man he fell out with years ago seems so unlikely it’s silly/ juvenile. Why does he care, how can he possibly know the man is cheating? Has he really been keeping tabs on this man all these years like a lovelorn stalker? And that’s if he’s telling you the truth. He isn’t, is he?

Don’t waste any more time on this douche. End it, ignore his crocodile tears, block him and get on with having a much better life without him

InkHeart2024 · 16/01/2025 07:14

Obviously he's lying. He is cheating on you with men. Time to get serious and leave him.

Original poster
Smh1990 · 16/01/2025 08:01

ARichtGoodDram · 16/01/2025 01:27

To have gold membership he has paid. It's £5 per 30 days generally, then deals for more days if you pay by bank transfer.

It'll show as a gold medal on his profile page. If there are other icons there they mean different things.

If there's a green flag then it means he's done a photo verification. That photo will likely be in the account somewhere. It's either a face photo (so would definitively show it was him) or a headless body shot.

I did wonder why it said 84 days 🤢 my stomach feels sick I literally feel like I’m about to have a breakdown he keeps denying it

Cheating on fabswingers?
OP posts:
InkHeart2024 · 16/01/2025 08:02

Time to stop discussing it with him. Did you manage to check if he had any verifications on his page?

Ladyj84 · 16/01/2025 08:06

You chose to believe his lies first time and will again. Cmon membership says it all, no membership and history says it all. Wouldn't get me staying the first time I found out, but then again I wouldn't have believed a word anyhow

Dobbythechristmaself · 16/01/2025 08:07

You have to stop trying to find the hope in this. He’s done it. He’s secretive. He’ll never ever be a good partner for you. He will make your life worse than it could have been. Start there and stop clinging on to tiny bits of hope. He’s going to lie and keep lying to you.

james4151 · 16/01/2025 08:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 16/01/2025 08:31

Smh1990 · 16/01/2025 01:17

He was so convincing but when I try bring it up he cries and says he fell out with this friend years ago because of the swinging and he’s upset that the guy now goes with men as well. He told me he’s trying to catch him out but I’m sick of this gaslighting. I will be confronting him tomorrow so he knows I wasn’t born yesterday!!

Show quote history

Ask yourself why he would waste so much time and mental energy doing something that would compromise his own relationship if caught, just to 'catch out' a male friend he fell out with a year ago? Since when do men care that much about whether other men are screwing around anyway? And what straight man admits to a straight friend that he's dabbling in hook-ups with men?

As stories go, it's about as far fetched and implausible as it's possible to be.

He had the chance to tell you this story about his friend from the beginning when you saw the first message months ago, but he didn't. Now he's been well and truly caught he's changing his story. But think about it, if there was a grain of truth in it he'd have told you the same story from the beginning. It's all bullshit. He's just clutching at straws and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind that he hopes will get him off the hook. He is looking for hook-ups and he's looking for them with gay or trans-identifying men.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 16/01/2025 08:38

Lampzade · 16/01/2025 06:46

He is most definitely cheating.
Ignore those fake tears

Oh I'm sure the tears are very real. They are the tears of someone who is well and truly screwed. Tears of fear and panic and self pity.

TipsyJoker · 16/01/2025 12:25

Crocodile tears. A manipulation tactic. Leave him.

TwistedWonder · 16/01/2025 12:31

Smh1990 · 16/01/2025 08:01

I did wonder why it said 84 days 🤢 my stomach feels sick I literally feel like I’m about to have a breakdown he keeps denying it

Show quote history

Well don’t keep discussing it with him as he’ll just deny and turn on the crocodile tears to manipulate you into staying with him while he carries on his sordid behaviour.

It’s only a matter of time before he goes full DARVO and blames you - that’s the usual pattern with lying cheating scumbags.

.

ShouldIEvenBother · 16/01/2025 12:47

You are wasting your life away with this man.

He's lied to you and will continue to do so. Men like this DO NOT CHANGE. It's not you OP - it really is him, so do not at any point start down the path of blaming yourself. These characters are not relationship-ready with anyone because they lack empathy and conscientiousness. Nothing matters more than indulging their secretive desires and they will go to all sorts of lengths to get their fix and hide it so they can continue.

The above posters are right - he will get better at hiding his tracks and most likely at some point will flip it around so you are somehow to blame.

You will lose all your self-esteem, self-worth if you continue on in this relationship.

It doesn't matter how much you want him to be telling the truth, his story has more holes than a blown-up sieve.

You can't change him; women are not on this earth to fix defunct men.

Bittenonce · 16/01/2025 13:21

You were unhappy and didn't trust him before, that's why you checked his phone. So basically your instincts were right.
Seems he is just an habitual liar - he got caught out but even with a smoking gun in his hand, he's still denying. I once had a colleague like this who would lie as easily as breathing and would end up creating even more ridiculous back stories to explain away his actions, so I feel like I know your husband already. Please just try to get it into your head that nothing will make him ever tell the truth, and that you cannot trust him. Period.