Just had an argument ….

[Secondtimemum24]

Basically just had an argument with my boyfriend- I have 2 children one is 19 and had a boyfriend of 3 months met him 3 times….
me and my partner have a 10 month old.

we have an agreement that my daughter boyfriend doesn’t sleep over she sleeps at his when they spend the night together I haven’t another daughter who just said it’s weird him staying here so we all agreed he doesn’t.
we’ve met him 3 times seems nice enough / daughter (19) is a bit besotted but it’s her age lol.

shes just asked if she can Cook for them on the weekend here and then they’re going out my boyfriend just got funny and said why has he gotta come here why can’t she do that at his…. We have a front room/ dining room. So they’d be sat eating when we’re in the front room with the baby I guess….

I then said ok it might be awkward but let’s see he’s gonna be in our lives by the looks of it …. He then said he’s not gonna be in my baby’s life!! I explained if they stay together he will be because he will be around more and she’s her sister … he said no way he won’t be holding her etc …. I said you can’t say that it’s just life people come in and go and we’re grow relationships with them people / he said he will absolutely not have a relationship with my baby end of .. she can move out if she wants to be an adult and have a bf … am I being unreasonable that’s out of order no?

He won’t want 50/50 in reality OP - it’s his emotional blackmail to stop you kicking him out.

You really think this freeloader will put himself out to be an amazing father?

Nope like @TwistedWonder said I’ve posted lots 🥺 and it’s not changed. i always excuse it but it’s not on

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

What do your kids think of him?

Get a fucking grip and get rid of him.

It boils down to this:
You can continue to make excuses for him and erase a little bit of yourself each time,
-or-
You can be brave and throw him out or leave yourself and rescue your dignity.
Being invisible is a shitty way to go through life, but that’s entirely up to you.
Yeah it takes guts, but did your mum raise a sissy?
Well, DID SHE??
You have friends here. We won’t ditch you when you need support the most. But don’t lie on the floor and beg somebody to use you as their doormat.
Help yourself and we’ll cheer you along.
You can do it if you truly want to.

Thank you for all your comments. so I finish the relationship and then what happens how do I organise my life now In terms of having the baby …. He’s saying he wants bubs Thursday Friday and Saturday comeback Sunday … I just know he’s gonna be an absolute arsehole now… I’m not that person to use the baby against him my baby isn’t a weapon I want her to have a relationship with her dad but that’s gonna kill me … but then am I wrong for saying he can’t have her that long and do I have a right as he’s got parental responsibility…. I work Monday-Friday he works mon-Thursday ….

Tell him to take you to court. No judge is going to take a baby away from it's mother for that length of time. Especially if you're planning to exclusively breastfeed. It sounds like an empty threat anyway, he's just trying to scare you. Where will he be living? Will he have the right environment to care for a baby? These are the things a court would consider.

Also, it's wholly unreasonable of him to say he wants every weekend, as when older, that'll be quality time when not at nursery or school.

He can say all sorts of things and make all sorts of demands, but you don't have to take it as gospel or go along with it.

You're the primary carer, your baby is very young, reasonable access would probably be more like a few hours at a time rather than days on end 🙄.

Get some advice - maybe Citizen's Advice or Gingerbread or similar.

Im afraid your boyfriend/ partner sounds like a shit and will drive a wedge between you and your children. You have a tough decision to make …

This is why I say be very careful who you decide to have children with. The baby’s dad sounds a right tool!!!! Childish!!!!
I would hate to be in your situation and your daughter’s situation.
my safe space as a 19yr old was my home with my mum ( I also had a step father) but we all cooked together, we had family times, my bf at the time came and stayed over, very open and honest relationships. I would want my daughter at our house so I know she’s safe rather than her bfs first of all.
Is your baby a boy or a girl? How is he going to behave when they are older?

Tricky. Will baby go into child care?
you need to sit down and work out what is going to work for you all. Sounds like a work agreement at the moment but Surely you’ll want to have family times together with your leer kids too. I know couples who do one week on and one week off, pick ups/drop offs on Sundays.

It's this... ('alpha male syndrome' ) "the mere presence of another adult male in his home"

Your boyfriend is being an arsehole. You need to have a word. Don't let him drive a wedge between you and your daughter. He seems to have an issue with the boyfriend.