Is this lying?

[PrincessPeaches123]

If were away from your husband and having problems is this lying when you know he got a taxi?

No.

No and I don’t understand the issue?

No

In isolation it's fine that he didn't say 'oh I did have a drink and just got a taxi'. It depends on the backstory really.

People get taxis for all kinds of reasons, if in a city centre it's often easier than trying to find somewhere to park, so not always booze related.

Not specifically as he is saying he is good at not drinking at a business do but he hasn't actually said he is not driving he is taking a taxi so is this lying by default? Or misleading?

He said he didn’t find it hard not to drink much because he was on a business trip. Presumably wanted to stay focused and in control and not have a hangover the next day. That’s very normal.

He didn’t say he didn’t drink anything.

He might have had one or two and therefore not wanted to drive. Very sensible. Or he might not have had any drinks but took a taxi for other reasons. Either way he wasn’t lying to you.

You didn't ask a direct question so he didn't give a direct answer. There's no lie there.

it could be the truth, but does not give other details, eg did you get a taxi at eg 1am they could truthfully answer no i did not, eg because they got one at 1:10am as an example, yes when some do that its tricky to get the info @PrincessPeaches123

Thank you for your replies. I feel like I'm going mad but the majority of responses saying no helps a lot. I'm very literal.

Are there other reasons you’re concerned?
There’s nothing wrong with the messages. There must be something else?

Yes there are other things. My mental health and relationship problems but I can't see where my problems end and ours begin. He did lie about what happened when he was working many years ago also when we were apart. There are trust issues. I just don't know why he didn't say I haven't drunk much but booked a taxi.

No.

So you knew he got a taxi but he thought that you thought he was driving and he wanted you to still think that ? Am I getting that right?
So you've mentioned him having the car and his response is sort of lying my omission .

I get it

Because he isn't you and doesn't think like you. No conversation IRL pans out like it does in your head.

You didn't actually ask if he drove. You made a passage aggressive comment and he side stepped it.

You weren’t talking about how he got back to where he was staying, that’s probably why he didn’t mention it. Why would he?
(Well, maybe you were, in your own head, but he wasn’t...)

The trust issues are causing you to doubt everything. You may have good reason, you may not, but there is nothing wrong with his message per se.

Would therapy help at all, either for your own issues or the relationship issues?

I've tried finding a therapist but there is so much BS on the internet. I've had therapy before and can't sit through another "there there" session. I want someone who can help me. I think I'm actually having a breakdown. I haven't stopped crying for a week. We had a big argument over Christmas and are now talking about whether we can make it work. We're seeing wch other this weekend to talk.

I hope everything works out okay for you @PrincessPeaches123. I do think you need to try seeing someone else (a therapist I mean) if you’ve been crying all week and think you’re having a breakdown. Could your GP help at all?

No, he's not lying, he just hasn't included the information you're looking for

To be honest, if I was your partner you message probably would have got my back up too. Its very obviously "I'm trying to keep tabs on you, want to know how drunk you got and how you got home, but I'm going to play games and not ask directly" That would really annoy me and so I probably wouldn't give a straight answer either.

I agree. Thanks for your honest answer. I have apologised and explained to him that my head is a mess.

To be honest, this was also how I read it. If I am reading your posts correctly, you had a row at Christmas and have separated, at least temporarily? Appearing to be checking up on him or catching him out isn't likely to improve matters.

He did lie about what happened when he was working many years ago also when we were apart. There are trust issues.
And dragging up something that happened many years ago is also not good. You have either let it go, or you haven't - if you haven't then why are you still in the relationship. You can't continue to blame someone for years and years. You either resolve it or let it go.

If I found myself in a relationship with someone playing games with questions like that and then screenshotting messages onto the internet for peer review?? Yeah, I’d end that relationship immediately.

OP, in the nicest way, you sound like an utter headache to be in a relationship with. So if it all ends, don’t be all confused as to why, the answers will be in the mirror I’m afraid.

No worries. Obviously I'm only going by this one message exchange so don't know if your fears about him are justified or not, what's happened in the past etc., so while this one exchange looks bad from your side, we could be missing the wider context here.

I'd also echo other posters comments about giving therapy another try.

What did he lie about from years ago?

Agree. Thanks for your honesty.