Is this lying?

[PrincessPeaches123]

If were away from your husband and having problems is this lying when you know he got a taxi?

It is hard to judge from this one instance but only you know if this is suspicious or not

Take for example my dp visiting the female friend I have severe suspicions about

He'll nip out and tell me he's been here and there but doesn't mention seeing her. He's not technically lying .

Then I'll find out he saw her while he was out

Suppose it's all about context

On historic situations I was right. I don't think I'm right in this instance and now look like a nut job.

Op I totally get it
I have been right on a lot too but then it messes with your head and you get paranoid. This then leads to you thinking they're always up to something and you'll sometimes get it wrong .

Did he cheat?

Whether he did or not, if you trust him that little, the relationship over.

He’s lying by omission

Yes he did cheat (lap dance and a BJ. Found out because I got a mouth infection)when very drunk. I know of 2 instances nearly 20yrs ago.

Gross

Oh please. Get at you all.

It's classic lying by obmission. In any normal relationship her message would clearly prompt a response that he didn't drive. Even if he also mentioned he had no issue drinking when on business.

Yep.

It’s not a lie but it is a bit of bullshittery. Kinda your comment and his tbh. There’s contempt in your comment and dismissiveness in his. Not judging btw! I’ve been there. X

I mean, this is gross. He would have been out on his arse for that.

I agree with you. It’s definitely bullshit.

If I got that message it wouldn’t even have occurred to me that it was about driving or how I got back to where I was staying . I’d have thought my partner was kindly commiserating about a boring evening out.

Edited to add - that’s what I see as normal in any trusting relationship.

Why are you still with this disrespectful tool?

I think it’s lying by omission. Seems like a daft thing to not be honest about either. Either way, you don’t trust him and it’s making you question your own sanity. I get that. It’s a horrible feeling, especially when you were right in the past. He’s not doing things to put you at ease after all that came out. My Mum used to say ‘I don’t profess to know much about relationships, but I know this - without trust, there is no relationship’. You don’t trust this man (with good reason!). You need to have a good think about your future.

If you knew he got a taxi why did you send him a message implying he hadn't?

How did you find out he got a taxi?

What does it matter?

Just read your update.

I don't think your am utter headache to be with. I just think your understandably struggling to trust him for good reason.

Perhaps you'd be happier separating where you could meet someone you trust where you don't have to look over your shoulder all the time x

In order to stay with a cheater, you have to basically gaslight yourself into trusting an untrustworthy person.

This is how that ends - it wrecks your mental health, one way or another.

OP, this relationship is not making you happy, and cannot make you happy because you know what he's capable of. So you try to catch him out - because if you openly asked 'did you get drunk and have another blow job' then you will be accused of being jealous and not 'letting it go'. And he keeps evading your traps and most likely lying by ommission. But you cannot be sure.

I think you should want more for yourself, OP. Like being single.

If you know he got a taxi, why did you feel the need to check? And if you already knew, why were you trying to catch him out rather than just ask him about it directly? Sometimes I drink on work events when I've not planned to, as an adult i think that's ok.

i can't see a lie, but its a bit goady stating 'that must be hard' implying that they NEED a drink?? if you knew they got a taxi, why didn't you just ask 'i thought you were driving? why did you get a taxi'?

Of course you're on edge.

He's a liar and a cheat.

You're just waiting for it to happen again.

Looks like lying to me. You mentioned him driving and he replied not really.

It reads to me as though he's very practised at deflecting your pass-agg leading questions. I can almost hear his eyes rolling 😂

OP just remember no one on this thread knows you or him. He could be a complete prick who is making your head spin by misleading you, or he could be doing nothing wrong and you could be paranoid and constantly trying to enviegle information out of him without directly asking which is making him feel hunted.

Point is no one here can tell so please don't take the messages saying you're x y or z personally, they're massive over reaches as no one can possibly know.

In order to stay with a cheater, you have to basically gaslight yourself into trusting an untrustworthy person.

This needs to be the opening post of a sticky thread at the top of the Relationships board.

@ChristmasFluff nails it. LTB.