Hi
Last year, my husband and I had a sensitive conversation where I told him that porn makes me feel so insecure and lack confidence within myself. He said he doesn’t watch porn any more. This was HIS choice. One day he was showing me something on his phone and I saw porn on a tab. He got upset and admitted that he watches porn before we have sex to ‘get ready’ , this obviously hurt and made my self esteem worse. He promised he’d stop.
Fast forward a year or so, we’re trying for our second baby. I saw porn on his history again. I spoke to him very generally about porn and he still said he doesn’t watch it, and the fact that it would hurt my feelings if he did, is a huge factor in him not watching it. He has lied straight to my face. Why has he done this?
I want to make it clear that I just told him how it made me feel. It was his decision to stop watching. A few years ago he also lied to me about sleeping in a hotel room with a female colleague, even though ‘nothing happened’. We’ve dealt with that as I told him I knew what happened and he admitted it. He can lie so easily, and about things that he knows will really hurt me.
How am I supposed to trust him? I can’t confront him about it as he doesn’t know I know. He is honestly such a lovely man, and such a good dad. So I don’t understand why he’s like this with this one thing (the lying)..
I’m feeling very down, please be gentle with responses. Thank you xx