I'm 40 and have no sex drive at all.

[RollOutAndTransform]

I know there is a sex topic but I don't like it there ar all.

And I feel this is more about me overall than just sex. I don't know

But I'm 40 years old and have zero sex drive. Zero. I could happily never have sex again. Never masturbate again.

I have a gorgeous husband who is bloody amazing. In all ways. Takes care of me, loves the bones of me.

There are alot of stressful things going on at the moment that stretch back years, issues with kids.

I have had depression and anxiety since childhood (some trauma there) but in my teens, 20s and 30s was still very sexual! I used to have toys, dress up etc.

It's like a switch was flicked and I have absolutely no desire now.

It's not like I see other men and get aroused. There's nothing for anyone. Celebrities etc. I used to say I was bisexual, I kissed a few women etc but that's dead too, no feelings that way either.

I don't think I'm perimenopausal? I still have spot on monthly periods. No changes.

I've lost a lot of weight.

I should be feeling great.

BTW when we do have sex he makes me orgasm, he's gets, very into making me happy. It takes a while but when I get into it I start to enjoy myself but it's like the avoidance is crazy.

I've recently been diagnosed as AuAdhd but I've been that my whole life so I dunno.

I want to change. I'm unhappy with this. I want to want my husband.

I dont understand why I have no desire at all.

:(

It probably is perimenopause…. Try some supplements and see if it makes any change for you, if not maybe ask your GP.

Your DH sounds understanding and clearly does it for you on the bedroom, maybe just take the stress out of it and don’t force yourself to want to as that will make it worse.

What type of supplements?

Try something that has L-arginine which helps with quite a lot of peri stuff, or there are other herbal supplements you can try.

Health & Her do an online questionnaire that recommends the best supplements. I’ve not experienced low sex drive with my symptoms so not too sure what the best one would be.

You sound remarkably similar to me. I felt the same. I remember joking with a (gay) male friend that it felt like my vagina was dead.

I was peri, and HRT really helped (I was 43 when started but feeling that way for a bit). Wasn't a 100% magic answer, but Miles better.

I feel the exact same (except haven’t lost weight sadly!) and I’m only 35 😭

35 and mine has gone too

I’m 34 and I feel the same. I have no desire whatsoever and I used to be sex mad.

I’m the same slim and healthy weight as I’ve always been.
I don’t drink or smoke
I’m not on any medication. No contraception
I’m not stressed

My partner is amazing and I still love and fancy him so I don’t know what’s wrong.

41 and I feel the same. I'm permanently exhausted though from work and home life 😴 Are you on any hormonal contraceptives ? I'm on the pill and I wonder if this is killing my sex drive. It never did in the past but I'm thinking as it's a different brand. Or maybe it's just age 😫

No. I'm not on any pills at all. DH had the snip years ago.
I was on citalopram but I stopped it as I thought it was that causing this!

Not really helpful, but at my age the only drive I want is one that requires little maintenance.

I’m similar and only 33 (although pregnant). I miss how sex mad I used to be in my 30s

OP, it could be the start of peri, even if you are still having periods. Also depression and anxiety can affect libido. Please see your GP, you can be prescribed hrt on symptoms alone and lack of desire can be one of them. Also you might consider counselling to help with your anxiety if you don't want to take anti depressants.

I could have written this... 9 times out of 10 when I have sex with my OH I don't cum as I'm just not turned on at all and struggle. Never masterbate. It's awful as like you my OH is so huge to me and would have sex twice a day! I've pencils led it down to perimenopause....

Nice to me not huge lol

Do you start feeling stressed about it?

Like he doesn't pressure me but he's a normal male in his late 30s and obviously wants to have a normal sex life so he will 'try it on' and the thought of that is so stressful to me. Not because he sulks or pressures me but because I feel incredibly guilty saying no night after night after night.

Last night my partner said he feels like I’m not interested in him and it’s making him feel a bit crap so I’m going to try and get out of this slump.

I’m in peri right now but sex mad like I’ve always been but probably worse!
I would say even if your periods are regular that you are at the age for peri so read up on it and what it means for your mental health and also taking supplements and diet help to. Good luck, your dh sounds lovely and I think you want to work on this.

I definitely want to work on it.

I don't want to have sex but I can't expect him never to have sex again so I need to make myself in the mood again. I want to want to have sex!

I was on citalopram but I stopped it as I thought it was that causing this!

Yes, it could well be the cause. Look up PSSD.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/mar/02/ssri-antidepressants-sexual-dysfunction-side-effects-consequences-libido

I feel the same and am starting to think a decade of taking antidepressants has killed my drive stone cold dead 😔

Do you take ADs?

I've got ADHD and probs lean more towards being hypersexual (which can be a symptom) although I'm not that extreme. Could it be that you're not allowing yourself the time/mental space to focus on this area? When I was suffering with major depressive disorder in my teens I was too caught up in my head to feel aroused sometimes.

Some women find that testosterone helps low libido. It might be an idea to see your Dr for a checkup and discuss what's going on.

It could be low level depression or stress, lack of sleep, vitamin deficiencies or something else.

@RollOutAndTransform I'm perimenopausal and bouts of feeling low after an anxious youth, so I've been trying out Menopace as a first supplement, a more gentle option rather than HRT. I'm also trying to get more exercise in like long walks. Both have really helped with sleep and im feeling more sexual/happier in myself. I also have a supportive partner but he is also prone to worrying i don't fancy him if im like this so I've really tried to turn it around rather than go down that rabbit hole.

Happened to me very young, after birth of ds2, just like a switch was turned off. Made me so sad. Dh and I talked about it, asked GP. Nothing really worked, it got a tiny bit better over time. Sad really.

I could have written this too. I'm 41 and have had no sex drive for a while, although I do enjoy it when we have sex...it's just the thought of it. I would rather just go to bed and read my book and go to sleep!
I've actually got blood tests tomorrow to test for peri as my cycle was 6 weeks last month when I'm always a really regular 4 weeks. I never thought I'd go on hrt this young (maybe I won't, I don't really know what options there are at the moment).
My DH likes to talk about the lack of sex thing to try to understand why I don't want it, but that makes it worse for me as I feel pressured. He is really good at communicating though whereas I prefer to bury my head in the sand! During our last conversation I even offered him an open marriage! He said no chance. I know he would never leave me over this but I also know it makes him sad. I wish I could find that desire within myself again.