Don’t want to date another parent.

[WishOnAStarr]

If you are a single parent should you only date other parents? I’m asking because I would prefer to not date another parent but someone said that was incredibly selfish and unfair and I would be taking their chance to be a parent. Do you think you should stick to other parents if you are one? They said only a parent could understand sleepless nights and sacrifices parents have to make but I don’t agree that’s necessarily true my ex had no idea what that’s like because he has never sacrificed anything for them and didn’t do any sleepless nights. I’m not forcing anyone to date me and if a man without children didn’t want to date me that’s fine and I wouldn’t expect him to. Just that I don’t want to date a man with kids and I would rather stay single. Did anyone else choose to not date other parents? I know most single mums prefer to date men with kids as well so it’s not like they are short on options.

I’m not looking for a father for them or step dad, they are older kids. HTH

So you see your dp only in the weekends and one of those is with all 3dc?
That's hard. Do you feel sometimes that it's a bit of a weird relationship?

Not changing my mind men that have their kids eow nope cant relate to them at all. Being a father doesn’t mean much, you do you though don’t need to convince others. I don’t want to look after other people’s kids 🤣 not wanting to look after other people’s kids, be a step mum or deal with someone’s ex outweigh any “understanding” a single dad could have unless he was the RP as said but then we would never see each other and again don’t want to look after or be a step parent to someone’s kids.

Hi sorry I don't know why it's not letting me quote you. So my partner has his kids every second weekend (court order) plus he works away
Monday - Friday. We see each other the weekends he doesn't have his children. Usually just the Saturday into Sunday as he doesn't have a guaranteed finishing time on Friday and sometimes works Saturday mornings his work is unpredictable. I have my DD11 full time so my family help out when we want to have date nights etc the other times she is there. I've only met his kids couple times only because for me that's his time with his kids. Not that he or the kids mind. He likes it because his eldest used to just sit in her room but my DD is a similar age and she's very sociable, and likes to spend time with his youngest one and it's encouraged the eldest to do this also and join in. Who knows what the future holds. I like my independence and space but like the set up of how we have things currently and he does too. As things move on we will spend more time together and we have spoke about maybe 1 weekend he has the kids we will maybe spend a couple hours with them. It doesn't work for everyone but has worked for us so far and we have never been in any rush to blend the kids. My DD is older so was in the loop about him quite early on but never met him for a very long time and I've been single for 8 years when I met him xxxx

Hmmm. I agree with you OP. I think a lot of people confuse someone being an attentive parent to their own children with being a good potential step parent. The two don’t follow at all and in fact I think many parents think they need to make no effort with other people’s children because they’re not their own. Selfish people who have kids don’t magically become unselfish.
I also think it’s incredibly difficult to treat someone else’s children the same as your own.
I also think it’s a headfuck for a young child to witness their parent trying to bond with a partner’s children. Might be easier when they are teens but I think for little ones it can be difficult.
A fellow parent might be able to empathise but they will always put their own children first. There are also a lot of childless people who will be able to empathise.

People say this but there really are

I should say when I mean being a father doesn’t mean much I mean in a way that it doesnt necessarily mean they can emphasis more just because they are a father as we all know there are plenty of useless NRP about doing the bare minimum. Especially a NRP that gets plenty of time to themselves they won’t understand how difficult and different being a lone parent is. Seeing your kids eow is not comparable, for example take my ex, he didn’t do sleepless nights as I BF all our children, he doesn’t have responsibility for them as he only took them on days out (never overnight or more than a few hours) so because he is a father that means he can suddenly emphasise more? When he hasn’t got a clue. Mostly though I’m just not a maternal person and not keen on children (except my own obviously 😂)

@WishOnAStarr there are always complications i feel whomever it is. I've dated men with kids where you still have the issues with exes or childcare logistics or difficulties with step kids.

Currently dating someone without kids where the main issue is he wants to see me all the time but I cant make that work logistically so hes probably better off with someone with no ties! He'd like kids but is in his early 50s now, and I don't want more children.

When your friend said that youre being selfish, i think there comes a time where you weigh up whether you (m or f) want children so badly that you want to keep getting out there and dating. I have female friends who gave up having kids because they met partners in their 40s who didn't want more.

There seem to be plenty that move in with single mums and become another child at least

I have no kids and in my 40s. I did not want to date someone with young kids. Was harder to find in my 30s, but I did find them. I did not want to be a step mum.

currently DP had a child early 20s. That’s fine as grown up to have a friendship. Just keep searching.

It would be nice and a lot easier but there won't be many people who don't have children but want to date someone who does. It's not selfish to want what you want it's just whether you will find that or not or stay single. No one can tell you that.