Don’t want to date another parent.

[WishOnAStarr]

If you are a single parent should you only date other parents? I’m asking because I would prefer to not date another parent but someone said that was incredibly selfish and unfair and I would be taking their chance to be a parent. Do you think you should stick to other parents if you are one? They said only a parent could understand sleepless nights and sacrifices parents have to make but I don’t agree that’s necessarily true my ex had no idea what that’s like because he has never sacrificed anything for them and didn’t do any sleepless nights. I’m not forcing anyone to date me and if a man without children didn’t want to date me that’s fine and I wouldn’t expect him to. Just that I don’t want to date a man with kids and I would rather stay single. Did anyone else choose to not date other parents? I know most single mums prefer to date men with kids as well so it’s not like they are short on options.

I would be taking their chance to be a parent.

A decision they can presumably make for themselves though? You're not tricking these people. I think your friend is looking at that very strangely

I dated both to start with, but I found that childless men of my age (36 at the time) just had no understanding of my life and couldn’t really relate to a lot of the things that were important to me. I remember once chatting online to someone and he said “I’ve got to go, my housemate’s just cooked dinner” and the word housemate just put me off completely! He was in a completely different life stage to me.

That said, I’ve seen it work, so you never know.

I'd hazard a guess that dad's who have their kids half the time are less likely to be looking to date a woman with kids for nefarious reasons than a childfree bloke.

It’s not like you’d be hiding the fact that you had kids so any man you date could choose whether or not he’s ok with you having them and you could discuss the matter of having more or not once dating. It takes all sorts.

I didn’t necessarily want to date someone with young kids as mine are all older and I’m past that stage, but met someone with an older child with additional needs, so some similarities in terms of the independence of the child and intensity of the time spent together etc. However, because I love my DP I’m happy to spend time with him and his DC despite that not being what I was specifically looking for.

It’s entirely up to you who you want to date, however if you date someone without kids and they would like to have one then you would need to compromise with that.

I think dating anyone when you have kids can be problematic and you have to be prepared that they might not like your kids if you do introduce them.

You've said you don’t want to look after someone else’s children or blend families…. So at least you know what you want.

I wouldnt date a man with children. I have 2 DC of my own, I wouldnt want to put time and energy into any step children. I'm potentially open to another child but my DC would have to be a lot older

I'm happy being single but I know that in the future, me wanting to only date men without children limits my options AND I will have to take into account why he hadnt had children so far and why he would be happy being with someone with children when he hasnt had any 😅

There is no 'should' or 'should not'. I wouldn't be in a relationship or marry someone with children.

Do what suits you best. When I was single and looking to date I wouldn’t have considered people with children who were still living at home, not because I wouldn’t want ti be a step parent, but because my sons needs means he wouldn’t have been able to cope eventually sharing his home with a part time resident. I also ideally wanted a second child, which seemed less likely if someone already had children. I was happy to go it alone and stay single to have my second if that was what was needed.

You can have whatever preferences you personally want, that’s up to you.

I can see the arguments for/against parents being with other parents to be honest. On the one hand the benefit is that they are more likely to be understanding of the fact your time is split, can’t see each other every other day, can’t book spontaneous trips/holidays etc, another parent will be in the same boat and so less likely to see that as an issue.

But then on the other hand blended families can be tricky, both people having to organise childcare means twice the chance something may not be doable etc

Well I’m glad I’m not alone in this. I know most single mum’s prefer to date single dads and I understand their reasons, just isn’t for me.

I got one 😊 he took on my 3 kids. I'd only be with someone who had older older kids or no kids too.
I can't be bothered with ex drama or conflicting scheduling with kids contact ect

I agree with you @WishOnAStarr , neither would I, but I don't understand what the point of this thread is. You date who you want to date, everyone has different tastes and requirements the Equality Act does not apply, and you are not going to be ordered to date someone with kids.

I don't want to date people in Wales either, but I'm not going to start a bloody thread about it!

Probably because I was shocked at being called selfish and taking away someone’s rights to be a parent wanted others views 😂 if you feel it’s pointless don’t comment?

Blended families wasn’t for me either (just look at the step parent board on here 😱) luckily I met dh (single and childless) when my dcs in early teens and we now have 2 dcs too. It does happen keep the faith

Just found it weird that people think others should have to date people in the same situation as them you wouldnt say that about any other situation. just to say it was a friend it was a random but found their comments pretty rude especially as I’m not asking anyone to raise my kids they are older kids / teens so don’t need raising 😂

As a stepmother I can tell you, I can tell you, I'd never, ever, ever date a man with children again. That's despite since having two DDs of my own. I would 100% rather be single than ever go through everything I have again. The reality can be brutal OP, stick to your guns!

But how would you be taking away someone else's right to have children when you're open to having more children? That doesn't make sense.

I dont think most people particularly care about who anyone dates as long as it is not harmful to the children.

I asked if anyone had managed to date a man that didn’t have kids and that was their response, they didn’t bother to ask! They just went into a rant

Is your friend a man projecting man-brain? I find their centering of the man rather than their friend or the children to be an egocentric man thing.

Well, quite, especially since the generally held virw on here is that no man ever actually wants a child of his own and that explains why there are so many crap, lazy and absent fathers around...

OP, there is nothing wrong with your preference. Last time I looked, men were quite capable of knowing what they want and making their own decisions. If you're not for them, they're big enough and ugly enough to work that out for themselves.

Most, not all. I only need one 😂

Exactly I am not forcing anyone to date me.

No sorry this was a random person but also had same said by friends but they’ve all been female (basically that I will have to accept I will only find a man with kids now I have kids of my own)